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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that *some* men need to just STOP doing this?!

312 replies

perplexedandvexed · 05/11/2021 14:45

Ok firstly I'll start by saying I know that this is not ALL men. However I myself have experienced it on numerous occasions and now my 12 year old daughter has too.

Please, men of the internet, STOP SENDING YOUR DICK TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOT ASKED FOR IT

My daughter is 12 and after much deliberation we allowed her to have an Instagram account on the proviso that I have full access to it at any point. Before anyone has a go for letting her have one, the majority of her friends have them and the ones that aren't allowed them still have them just without their parents knowing.
We're very close and open about most things so she's happy to let me have full access and always shows me if anyone messages her.
She mainly uses it for looking at pictures of dogs and following her favourite music artists etc.
She started getting messages off a guy she did not know, he had no pictures of himself on his profile but all fairly innocent posts - scenic views/ some pumpkins at Halloween/ a couple of dog pics.
His messages just said 'hi' and 'I like your dog'
She did not reply and then gets sent a picture of his rather unimpressive penis in an excitable state. From the photo he sent, he looks no older than 16/17
She immediately replied with 'eww that's grim, I'm only 12 and I'm telling my Mum' which she did. The account immediately got deleted after that so I'm assuming the little wet wipe panicked but JUST WHY? I have reported but doubt anything will get done.

I too have had several sent to me on various platforms, all seemingly normal men and then all of a sudden - HERE, have a picture of a random part of my anatomy that you didn't ask to see.

What can we do to educate boys/ men that this is the biggest turn off and that no self respecting woman gives a shit about seeing some random strangers worm dick?

Sorry, I don't really know what I'm hoping to get from this post I just wanted to vent.

OP posts:
RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 05/11/2021 21:14

About 50% of MN posts said Police response good. Arrest her. Teach her a lesson. Make her scared. That'll punish her for being stupid

Noooo

Really? That’s awful….whats wrong with people?

NiceGerbil · 05/11/2021 21:20

Well I mean MN and could have been AIBU and loads of people just like a row.

I think I was Shock though and there were a few threads at the time and it was similar on each.

Totally taken aback tbh. Couldn't believe it.

I have googled since to try find out if she was charged etc but no updates which is really annoying.

HikingforScenery · 05/11/2021 21:21

@BashfulClam

I am always confused by dick pics. I got sent several whilst online dating. One guy had exchanged a few messages about music etc then he asked what I was doing. I replied I was wrapping Christmas presents-BAM-dick pic wtaf! I used to say ‘what’s that? It looks like a penis but much smaller’ then block them!
Haha 😂
YankeeDad · 05/11/2021 21:23

This may be missing the point, but your daughter's response to the wanker was absolutely epic. He sure won't be doing that again! You have obviously raised her well, at least in terms of how to deal with issues like this.

Notjustanymum · 05/11/2021 21:23

When I was 12, social media wasn’t existent, but this type of behaviour was, and it had a name: “flashing” and this was an arrestable offence. Is this not the same? Could the police not trace the perpetrator? I’m sure this can be done.
I’m sorry that your daughter has experienced this💐

wobblywinelover · 05/11/2021 21:25

@MyDogLovesBiscuits

It's the modern equivalent of the scabby old man in a trench coat jumping out from behind a bush to flash you.

It used to be the occasional odd bloke people other men looked down on , now a large majority of them are at it and can't quite join the dots between themselves and the nasty old perv in a raincoat.

bloody hell this in a nutshell very succinctly put
BeaucoupFish · 05/11/2021 21:26

@perplexedandvexed
that is so horrible - I feel so sad for your daughter - all she wanted to do was look at pics of dogs, sounds like she’s sensible but why TF should she be subjected to that it’s appalling. I’m really sad the way society is heading

FOJN · 05/11/2021 21:28

HappyDays40

I think you missed the point of that comment.

NiceGerbil · 05/11/2021 21:29

@Notjustanymum

When I was 12, social media wasn’t existent, but this type of behaviour was, and it had a name: “flashing” and this was an arrestable offence. Is this not the same? Could the police not trace the perpetrator? I’m sure this can be done. I’m sorry that your daughter has experienced this💐
Police see RL flashing as not worth bothering with so really doubt would be interested in this.

Also internet- bloke could be anyone anywhere. How could they even trace.

I agree though. That this stuff should be seen for what it is.

Original poster
perplexedandvexed · 05/11/2021 21:39

@nordicnorth

If you're letting her use social media you need to make her account private and regularly check who she is following and who is following her. I've been using Instagram since it first started and have never been sent a dick pic. I did online dating at one time and never got sent a dick pic there either.
RTFT, I do.
OP posts:
beatrice82 · 05/11/2021 21:43

Instagram states that you should be 13 before having an account.

Original poster
perplexedandvexed · 05/11/2021 21:47

@beatrice82

Instagram states that you should be 13 before having an account.
Again, rtft. Nothing magically changes when she turns 13 in a couple of months.
OP posts:
BeaucoupFish · 05/11/2021 21:47

@beatrice82
So it would be okay to send a dick pic to a 13 year old then ?

Comedycook · 05/11/2021 21:51

Nothing magically changes when she turns 13 in a couple of months.

But you could use this argument for age restrictions on anything Confused. Like 18 rated films...what changes from being 17 and 364 days old and 18?

NiceGerbil · 05/11/2021 21:53

What changes in England Wales at least is that under 13 is the cut off in law for no excuses with sex offences.

I don't know if that's why but there it is.

NiceGerbil · 05/11/2021 21:54

I was buying fags and booze and drinking in pub from 15.

Whose fault was that? Genuine question.

SirGawain · 05/11/2021 22:00

I have neither taken or sent such a picture in my life.

Ledition · 05/11/2021 22:01

Jesus Christ OP! You see I've read about this so many times but as it's never happened to me I've always been somewhat hopeful that it was some sort of internet myth Sad 12?? 😭 I have two DDs much younger (3 and 5) and had to talk to a teacher this morning about a child showing his penis to my three yo at preschool yesterday. An innocent incident at that age but it filled me with despair for the future. Lead to an interesting conversation with my sister who works with vulnerable children and is dealing with a similar incident but the children are 10 and so it's a multiagency affair and has ruined relationships between the families in question. I really REALLY think parents of boys need to do more. Hard convo with my sister as she had two boys and I think it's very hard for parents to accept that "their" boys could be a problem but they can and are in many cases. Ugh I'm sorry your DD had to deal with that. I assume you reported but The full weight of the law (abysmal as it may be) should be brought down on that idiots dick.

RockinHorseShit · 05/11/2021 22:13

YADNBU

I've had a random boy who looked no older than 14 sending a "Hi" & then a dick pick to me AND my DD who was 16 at the time & several of her friends too 🥴 nobody knew him from Adam

I'd also add that mothers of boys, please know what your DS get up to online as from DD & her friends, way too many young lads do this all the time. One lad from her school ended up on the sex offenders list as he was very prolific & messaging several under age girls pretending to be an older paedo 😳

RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 05/11/2021 22:15

@beatrice82

Instagram states that you should be 13 before having an account.
Interesting

So at 12 its the OPs ‘fault’ that her daughter received a penis picture (or maybe her daughters fault…im sure you aren’t thinking that though)

But at 13 it reverts back to being the mans fault?

Thats the only thing im getting from your post, and I absolutely appreciate that i might have misunderstood completely

Porcupineintherough · 05/11/2021 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 05/11/2021 22:57

I've had a random boy who looked no older than 14 sending a "Hi" & then a dick pick to me AND my DD who was 16 at the time & several of her friends too 🥴 nobody knew him from Adam

That’s awful Shock

NiceGerbil · 05/11/2021 22:57

It's safe for 13yo though?

NiceGerbil · 05/11/2021 22:57

Sorry was asking porcupine.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 05/11/2021 23:00

@RufustheBadgeringReindeer

So at 12 its the OPs ‘fault’ that her daughter received a penis picture (or maybe her daughters fault…im sure you aren’t thinking that though)

But at 13 it reverts back to being the mans fault?

Thats the only thing im getting from your post, and I absolutely appreciate that i might have misunderstood completely

You have misunderstood I think.

Nobody is saying it's the 'fault' of OP's daughter.

They are saying that the risk of her being exposed to this experience was hugely heightened due to her being allowed to have an Instagram account underage and not mature enough to manage it e.g. accepting a follow from a stranger.

It's not her fault. At all. Because she shouldn't have been in a position where men could share messages / pictures with her at all.

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