Friends DD threw my daughter to the ground

[AmIInside]

Friends daughter is 9 (same age as my DD). My DD is very into dancing and dances constantly. She dances in the house, around the living room, in her bedroom, in the garden, in the shops, in the street - constantly. She loves it.
Friends DD does karate and often practices that too.
Yesterday we were walking home from school and DD was dancing. Friends DD told her to “stop it” saying she was annoying and said “even my mum thinks you’re annoying, don’t you mum?”. Friend went bright red and said she’d never said that and her DD said “yes you did! You said “why can’t she just walk normal, remember?” Friend quickly changed the subject but was clearly embarrassed. I felt really awkward. Didn’t know what to say. DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all. I told her to walk properly before she ends up crashing into someone. She swirled in front of friends DD who grabbed her and threw her to the floor. She landed awkwardly in a muddy puddle and really hurt her arm. She cried like mad 😢 friend told her DD off and told her to apologise, she refused saying DD started it and should just walk normal (echoing what her mum had obviously said). In anger DD shouted that friend was too ugly to be a dancer and that’s why she’s jealous. I told her off for that remark obviously but friends did retorted that DD was an attention seeking idiot and everyone thought so, even the teachers.

Anyway it got horrible and nasty. I can’t stop thinking about it.

Did she deserve to be thrown on the floor? I don’t think so. AIBU to message the mum and tell her how upset I am about the fact she’s clearly been slagging DD off at home?

@ChequerBoard

Only the hyperbole of mumsnet could turn a 9 year old girl pushing a twirling twat out of her way be turned into a 'physical assault'.

Gosh better log it on 101 now in case it cracks the case of the vicious karate kid...

Well said.

@TatianaBis You are sounding more odd with each post.

It sounds to me as if Karate Kid has said Dancing Girl is very annoying, and KK's mother has said "Yup, I'd agree with you".

I have done the same with a couple of really, really annoying children in the past. Up to a point, you try to get your own children to be reasonable, not write someone else off as annoying, etc, etc. But sometimes, they have a point.

As for "chasing the OP off the thread", @TatianaBis, I think it's more that the OP expected everyone to agree that her princess should have been allowed to be a pain in the arse, and has recoiled now that half the responses have said that she ought to be telling her daughter not to prance around on the pavement. Hence her changing the thread to one which spontaneously combusts after 30 days.

@Chequerboard

The hyperbole of MN is to turn dancing into the crime of the century.

Labelling it as assault is simply factual: if they were both adults DD could easily have pressed charges. If this girl continues this MO into secondary school she will run into serious trouble.

Of course one takes immaturity into account (well - some posters apparently can do that for the girl but not the DD).

OP's daughter does not sound annoying. She sounds like a 9 year old who loves to move and dance. There's nothing wrong with that. So many worse things.

I assume you've never worked in retail and had kids completely oblivious to other people because of dancing/running etc.? We've had children crash into other customers because of it.

Grabbing someone’s arm and throwing them to the floor is violence. If they’d been older it would have been physical assault.

Why do people keeps saying karate grabbed dancers are? OP never said that.

[quote TatianaBis]@Chequerboard

The hyperbole of MN is to turn dancing into the crime of the century.

Labelling it as assault is simply factual: if they were both adults DD could easily have pressed charges. If this girl continues this MO into secondary school she will run into serious trouble.

Of course one takes immaturity into account (well - some posters apparently can do that for the girl but not the DD).[/quote]

It's not factual. You weren't there. They aren't adults.

What it is is amping up the drama to suit your version of events. HTH.

I don’t expect you to get it @Block You didn’t get @ancientgran’s perspective either.

I just count myself lucky I don’t have to deal with this mentality on a daily basis.

I’m off.

@TatianaBis
Pushing/throwing/using karate moves....whatever you care to call it is wrong. Of course it is and having read through this thread, the vast majority of people have acknowledged that. Yes, a child who is pushed can land badly and be really hurt and if my child had done that, I'd be furious.
A child twirling around on a pavement and not watching where she is going, can also fall and land badly and be really hurt. She can also career into other people and cause them to fall, land badly and be really hurt. As her mum, I would be pointing this out too.

I'm really surprised by the comments here. Yes your DD does sound annoying and displayed minor attitude issues but that pales in comparison to how unreasonable friends DD was for throwing her to the floor.

Don't blame the mum for talking openly about your DD at home, she obviously didn't expect this outcome. But I wouldn't want to socialise with that girl again, shockingly bad behaviour.

Did she definitely mean to throw her on the floor? Or was it a push to get your DD out of her personal space that went wrong and resulted in your DD falling over (perhaps because she was twirling around)?

I’m not saying pushing is ok, even if someone is invading your space when they’ve already been asked not to, but there’s a difference between that and deliberately throwing someone on the ground.

@TatianaBis

I don’t expect you to get it *@Block You didn’t get @ancientgran*’s perspective either.

I just count myself lucky I don’t have to deal with this mentality on a daily basis.

I’m off.

No, I didn't. Not least as I thought that Ancient Gran was probably Dancer Girl's grandmother.

@TatianaBis are you dancer girls paternal gran and @ancientgran her maternal?

Although @ancientgran has had the good grace to leave after making a complete faux pas!

This is one of those threads where I'd love to hear the other side!

I'd wager the "throwing to the floor" was more like a push out of the way. Of course neither are acceptable in any way and violence should never be condoned.

Equally, what your daughter said shouldn't be condoned either (personal insults) and it's almost as if you admire her for continuing to dance when you'd told her to stop.

Fwiw my daughter loves to dance anywhere and everywhere. She also listens when I tell her to stop and hold my hand if we're somewhere busy. She's two.

The friend wasn't "slagging off" yout daughter. Most likely she agreed with her daughter.

Your daughter was trying to get a reaction. She got one she didn't like. Friends daughter gave a reaction she now has to bear the consequences of.

[quote Offmyfence]**@TatianaBis* are you dancer girls paternal gran and @ancientgran* her maternal?

Although @ancientgran has had the good grace to leave after making a complete faux pas! [/quote]
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I must admit, the absolute refusal to acknowledge that OP and OP's DD should accept some degree of responsibility in how this whole situation played out has me thinking exactly the same thing.

It's almost like people are like the dd is a DANCER! a wonderful, delicate PRETTY dancer!!! Of course she should be celebrated and lauded, anything awful she does is clearly in cowed, terrified, defensive response to the evil, violent karate child!

Well a 9 year old dancing and twerling about in response to being told it's annoying probably isn't going to be too steady on their feet . I doubt she was thrown to the floor

I'd be really disappointed her reflex response was to attack the other girl's looks. I'm in my 30s and if another woman hit me, my reflex wouldn't be to call her ugly. It's a strange response for a child and it seems she is placing a higher value on looks than a kid her age should be.

A lot of people are annoying you don't assault them or try and embarrass/humiliate them and get others to join in. Well that's if you're not a dick.

If the friend and her mum are so annoyed and exasperated by OP's DD behaviour they should've cooled off the friendship/stopped walking together. Not pretend everything is fine, snigger behind her back about how abnormal she is and then assault her because they've had enough.

I skipped to the end and OP not sure if you're still reading comments, but imo if it is bothering you, call your friend but frame the conversation on how appalled and saddened you were by the exchange both girls engaged in and you hope nothing like this happens again. Ask the mum her opinion on whether her dd really likes yours as a friend and come to an understanding on whether they should be encouraged to disengage as school chums to avoid all this.

It sounds like your daughter has a real confidence in dance and is owning it so I would be careful of telling her that it is "annoying" (pp words, not mines!) in case it knocks her.

I’d leave it. It’s one of those cause and effect things that teach the kids much better than you could by sitting down with them and wittering on.

Your DD has learnt that she is expected to tow the line in regards to social norms of getting from point A to B, i.e. walking sensibly. If not, and if she deliberately tries to provoke then it’s going to end badly for her. The friend has learnt that if you take matters into your own hands then you look forward to hearing a few home truths you don’t want to.

It’s probably worth thinking about the possibility that your daughter’s almost constant (as you have described it) dancing around is likely to be very irritating to anyone who doesn’t love her dearly and even possibly some who do. So your friend’s daughter might have been making a valid point about other people, even teachers having a bit of an issue with her. She is old enough for you to have a discussion with her about when it is appropriate to dance and when it is not i.e. when she is at school (unless formally practicing for the play), when walking down the street, in shops, other people’s homes etc. It’s probably right for her to learn now that there is a time and a place for most things, including dancing.

@Chasingaftermidnight

Did she definitely mean to throw her on the floor? Or was it a push to get your DD out of her personal space that went wrong and resulted in your DD falling over (perhaps because she was twirling around)?

I’m not saying pushing is ok, even if someone is invading your space when they’ve already been asked not to, but there’s a difference between that and deliberately throwing someone on the ground.

This what I'm wondering too. It comes across to me that the other girl was just trying to get dancing girl out of her space, and that landing on the ground was an unplanned, unfortunate result.

But none of this would have happened if OP's daughter had just behaved like a normal person in public and walked sensibly in the first place.

If someone was dancing around in my space I’d push them out of the way
Your daughter sounds really irritating

@SweetMaryHell

If someone was dancing around in my space I’d push them out of the way Your daughter sounds really irritating

How do you define your space, we don't know how close the dancing girl was so she might not have been in anyone's space but her own.

And if they fall and hurt themselves I hope you are prepared for the legal consequences.

@ancientgran close enough for the other girl to grab her, so too close.

Again, she was asked to stop by her mother before she crashed into one of the people walking normally along the road! So it's safe to say she was too close of her mother was concerned about her crashing into people.

All in the OP, you appear to have selective reading issues.