Friends DD threw my daughter to the ground

[AmIInside]

Friends daughter is 9 (same age as my DD). My DD is very into dancing and dances constantly. She dances in the house, around the living room, in her bedroom, in the garden, in the shops, in the street - constantly. She loves it.
Friends DD does karate and often practices that too.
Yesterday we were walking home from school and DD was dancing. Friends DD told her to “stop it” saying she was annoying and said “even my mum thinks you’re annoying, don’t you mum?”. Friend went bright red and said she’d never said that and her DD said “yes you did! You said “why can’t she just walk normal, remember?” Friend quickly changed the subject but was clearly embarrassed. I felt really awkward. Didn’t know what to say. DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all. I told her to walk properly before she ends up crashing into someone. She swirled in front of friends DD who grabbed her and threw her to the floor. She landed awkwardly in a muddy puddle and really hurt her arm. She cried like mad 😢 friend told her DD off and told her to apologise, she refused saying DD started it and should just walk normal (echoing what her mum had obviously said). In anger DD shouted that friend was too ugly to be a dancer and that’s why she’s jealous. I told her off for that remark obviously but friends did retorted that DD was an attention seeking idiot and everyone thought so, even the teachers.

Anyway it got horrible and nasty. I can’t stop thinking about it.

Did she deserve to be thrown on the floor? I don’t think so. AIBU to message the mum and tell her how upset I am about the fact she’s clearly been slagging DD off at home?

I find it really annoying walking with someone who cuts across me. Twirling around someonevwhen they are walking along is irritating and even a little intimidating. She deserved what she got!

A child constantly dancing is the type of things parents would mention at home, whilst rolling their eyes. Would be as bad as a child who dramatically sings all the time.
Just tell your daughter to tone it down and move on.

@TirednWorried

I find it really annoying walking with someone who cuts across me. Twirling around someonevwhen they are walking along is irritating and even a little intimidating. She deserved what she got!

That's just such a weird attitude. Annoying, yes, but deserved what she got? Really?

“DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all. I told her to walk properly before she ends up crashing into someone.”
So you told her the potential consequence of her actions, but didn’t address the behaviour of not giving a s**t about how her friend was getting annoyed by her, and allowing her to be so contrary to what she had already been told?

OP, you may be addressing the wrong thing here. If this was the behaviour of my DD, I would have taken her arm, told her not to speak to her friend like that, to apologise immediately and to stop doing her twirling RIGHT NOW.
Until you set some boundaries, she will believe she can behave exactly how she wants to - and by not addressing it, you’re enabling the bad behaviour.

Obviously she didn’t deserve to be pushed to the ground, but if he was my DD I would be explaining that it’s just not appropriate for her to twirl around all the time and people will find it annoying. Professional dancers who love it don’t do this! Nothing wrong with loving it but she needs to learn you can’t do it all the time. I wouldn’t be surprised if your friend did make that remark, other adults would find it irritating but a lesson for her here is to watch what she says in front of her DD. As for the nasty comments they made to each other I’d just forget about. They are both kids and said stuff in anger and both got nasty. I wouldn’t put much more into this friendship going forward

No.

Jesus Christ this thread is fucking shameful. Post after post excusing violent behaviour because OPs daughter was annoying. Some of the posts sound spiteful..all while criticising a young girl for her angry comments. Hypocrites.

No, it's not acceptable behaviour. No ifs no buts. And her mother shouldn't have been talking shit in front of her daughter, she clearly felt emboldened by it.

Did she deserve to be thrown on the floor? I don’t think so. No she didn't. You know she didn't which is why you said "I don't think so".

AIBU to message the mum and tell her how upset I am about the fact she’s clearly been slagging DD off at home? Yes. She probably slipped up and agreed you daughter is annoying. I'm sure you've said things in front of your children by mistake but wouldn't call it "slagging off children".

Both you and the other supposed adult sound as if you could do with parenting your children better as neither child seems to be able to follow their mother's instructions.

It also seems as though you hoped this thread would be everyone saying how wonderfully spirited and unique your child sounds and what a terrible mother your friend is.

I don't think the thread has met the hopes you held for it, has it?

Your DD should not have been physically assaulted. However, she does sound very annoying. And the fact that she called the other girl ugly is disgusting. Your DD comes off much worse in this situation, she sounds like a nasty little brat. I would nip the bitchiness in the bud and teach her how to behave.

I'd be really disappointed her reflex response was to attack the other girl's looks. I'm in my 30s and if another woman hit me, my reflex wouldn't be to call her ugly. It's a strange response for a child and it seems she is placing a higher value on looks than a kid her age should be. I agree. I'd feel I'd failed as a parent if my child had such internalized misogyny at that age. I'd be working really hard to educate them and turn it around.

Everyone in the wrong.

Don't talk to them/walk with them further.

^this

Just say oh you go ahead. I don't think the girls are getting on right now and I don't want anyone to get hurt. Be nice. It could equally have been your dd that tripped someone up or danced into traffic.

And get her to limit dancing practice to safer places. She needs to realise there is a time and a place for it!

@RedLipClass

Your DD should not have been physically assaulted. However, she does sound very annoying. And the fact that she called the other girl ugly is disgusting. Your DD comes off much worse in this situation, she sounds like a nasty little brat. I would nip the bitchiness in the bud and teach her how to behave.

You are calling a child bitchy and a 'nasty little brat' yet you're criticising her for making 'disgusting' comments? And you're supposedly an adult, not a young girl?

And no she doesn't come off worse in this. Violence is obviously worse than being annoying. Both girls made mean comments, 'ugly' is probably an easy/quick insult for a 9YO who is embarrassed and in pain after having been thrown to the ground, whereas the comments from the other little girl about her mother/their teachers finding her annoying are spiteful and much more calculated.

Faults on both sides with one thing leading to another!
If I was the mother of either daughter I would be horrified by their behaviour especially their defiance by not doing what they were told. If they behave like this in front of a parent what are they like with no adult around?

No OP. I would not be contacting the friend. I am sure it was not your intention but you have done more to facilitate the "slagging off" ( not my words) of your DD by bringing it onto MN. In doing so you have also facilitated the slagging off of your friend's DD which her mother could also take exception at if she were ever to find out.

@Platax

No matter how annoying your daughter may or may not have been, this would have been a criminal assault had it been committed by an older child.

But it wasn't an older child so, instead, can be a great lesson for the dancing girl to learn possible consequences to being 1) irritating; 2) spiteful. Experiences like this are often how children learn important lessons, whether you like it or not. The mother clearly believing her child can do no wrong is obviously causing the lesson to go amiss somewhat.

It also seems as though you hoped this thread would be everyone saying how wonderfully spirited and unique your child sounds and what a terrible mother your friend is.

No it didn't seem like that. That was your interpretation. OP was very honest about what happened and didn't skip out her child's faults.

I don't think the thread has met the hopes you held for it, has it?

Why do people make these comments? It's utterly pointless and just sounds gloating and spiteful. No I'm sure she didn't hope for a thread full of people people excusing the other girls behaviour and her mothers shit talking because her daughter is 'annoying' immature' 'a nasty little brat' 'undisciplined' etc. Obviously.

I completely agree @BlaBlaSmthSmth 28 pages of grown women slagging off a 9 year old. Calling her annoying, a brat, etc etc. Bloody shocking.

If you are still here OP I hope your DD's arm is better now and that her dance show goes well.

@PomegranateQueen & @BlaBlaSmthSmth

On the plus side, at least we don't have to deal with them in real life.

Sometimes MN shows how much one has to be grateful for.

@PomegranateQueen

I completely agree *@BlaBlaSmthSmth* 28 pages of grown women slagging off a 9 year old. Calling her annoying, a brat, etc etc. Bloody shocking.

If you are still here OP I hope your DD's arm is better now and that her dance show goes well.

Exactly, it's disgraceful.

I hope OP sees what you've written, it can't have been nice to have so many people pile on to your child in this way.

[quote TatianaBis]**@PomegranateQueen* & @BlaBlaSmthSmth*

On the plus side, at least we don't have to deal with them in real life.

Sometimes MN shows how much one has to be grateful for.[/quote]
Very true! I would hate to be surrounded by such spiteful people irl.

Very true! I would hate to be surrounded by such spiteful people irl

Do you think you are, but just that irl people filter what they say and online they don't?

My DD pretends she is a horse a lot. It is annoying. But she doesn't deserve to be pushed over for it and it certainly would not warrant 600+ messages calling her all the names under the sun because of it. This thread is pretty vile. Sorry you have been hounded off it OP.

@sillysmiles

Very true! I would hate to be surrounded by such spiteful people irl

Do you think you are, but just that irl people filter what they say and online they don't?

I had that exact thought after I posted! Who knows, I doubt any of those piling on a child here would dare be so blatantly spiteful and horrid to anyone's face.

I’m sorry but your DD sounds annoying, provocative and mean. I’m team karate kid.

Good post @SafeMove!

I want to be your daughter; being a horse all the time sounds a lot more fun than adulting 😂😂

Not so sure the OP has been "hounded off". I think it's probably more that she regrets having started it (and not only because most people have said that her daughter's behaviour sounds very irritating - I'm guessing she is also worried now that Karate Kid's mother might find it, or that the Daily Fail or The Sun think it's worth picking up on).

It's silly to say KK's mother is "chatting shit" about Dancer Girl. KK has probably said DG is really annoying, and her mother has probably agreed. I imagine most of us try to get our children to make allowances, be kind, come up with excuses for other children behaving badly etc - but how many of us can honestly say we've never ever agreed even tacitly when the child concerned is genuinely annoying? That's hardly "slagging off" or "talking shit".