Friends DD threw my daughter to the ground

[AmIInside]

Friends daughter is 9 (same age as my DD). My DD is very into dancing and dances constantly. She dances in the house, around the living room, in her bedroom, in the garden, in the shops, in the street - constantly. She loves it.
Friends DD does karate and often practices that too.
Yesterday we were walking home from school and DD was dancing. Friends DD told her to “stop it” saying she was annoying and said “even my mum thinks you’re annoying, don’t you mum?”. Friend went bright red and said she’d never said that and her DD said “yes you did! You said “why can’t she just walk normal, remember?” Friend quickly changed the subject but was clearly embarrassed. I felt really awkward. Didn’t know what to say. DD said “I don’t care that I annoy you, if I want to dance I will do” and started to exaggerate her dancing a little and was swirling around us all. I told her to walk properly before she ends up crashing into someone. She swirled in front of friends DD who grabbed her and threw her to the floor. She landed awkwardly in a muddy puddle and really hurt her arm. She cried like mad 😢 friend told her DD off and told her to apologise, she refused saying DD started it and should just walk normal (echoing what her mum had obviously said). In anger DD shouted that friend was too ugly to be a dancer and that’s why she’s jealous. I told her off for that remark obviously but friends did retorted that DD was an attention seeking idiot and everyone thought so, even the teachers.

Anyway it got horrible and nasty. I can’t stop thinking about it.

Did she deserve to be thrown on the floor? I don’t think so. AIBU to message the mum and tell her how upset I am about the fact she’s clearly been slagging DD off at home?

friends DD bitching to all and sundry

Where does OP say that?

The girl mentioned it to her mother. If a child can't speak to her own mother about something she has a problem with, who can she speak to?

She might not bother to tell her mother next time she has a problem, since her mother did nothing to sort it out.

Both the kids sound like rude little brats - OP yours ignored you when you asked to walk normally and then become even more annoying/antagonising. Other DC should not have been physical towards your DD, but then yours said some pretty vile things. All as bad as each other. 🙄

There are some really unpleasant comments on here about your daughter, OP. My guess is a prolific poster was one of the first to reply and decided your daughter was awful and in the wrong, and so everyone else has piled on with the same replies. Always happens.

I think, fundamentally, the two girls aren't compatible as friends, and as I mentioned earlier I would want to distance myself from a mum that had talked unfavourably about my child, so I'd just distance from them if you can.

@SophieKaczynsky

There are some really unpleasant comments on here about your daughter, OP. My guess is a prolific poster was one of the first to reply and decided your daughter was awful and in the wrong, and so everyone else has piled on with the same replies. Always happens.

I think, fundamentally, the two girls aren't compatible as friends, and as I mentioned earlier I would want to distance myself from a mum that had talked unfavourably about my child, so I'd just distance from them if you can.

If your child is badly behaved, constantly in people's face, doesn't respond to requests to stop .... she will be talked about.

The other child had told her mother how she feels. They tried to continue the relationship and ask the dancing child to stop and it fell on deaf ears.

Yes if I was the mother of the other child, I'd say, we tried, we failed, hopefully losing a friendship will make her realise that dancing round people who have asked her to stop will end friendships.

Can you imagine trying to teach a constantly dancing child , it must be exhausting. It's interesting that the other child had picked up on the irritation of the teachers.

It's also interesting that OP has disappeared.

Well of course she doesn't 'deserve' to be pushed to the ground. One can perhaps understand how it happened without actually condoning it. Your daughter called her friend ugly 'in anger' as you said. It sounds like the friend pushed her to the ground in anger too. Neither were right and it's clear that they're actually not friends at all. This girl sounds unkind and your daughter sounds like she was being incredibly irritating . Not a good mix . You are friends with her mum, that's it. It doesn't mean your children have to be friends.

@SophieKaczynsky

There are some really unpleasant comments on here about your daughter, OP. My guess is a prolific poster was one of the first to reply and decided your daughter was awful and in the wrong, and so everyone else has piled on with the same replies. Always happens.

I think, fundamentally, the two girls aren't compatible as friends, and as I mentioned earlier I would want to distance myself from a mum that had talked unfavourably about my child, so I'd just distance from them if you can.

It's not 2006. I think the age of "prolific posters" died with the Moldies.

(I have been here since the beginning, but have had about 3,456 name changes, btw).

I have come across several of these in-your-face "look at me! Me! Me!" children over the past 20 years, and they really are very, very annoying. Their parents are perhaps even more annoying for allowing their children to become a PITA in the first place. If I feel that as a 50 yr old, I can see why a 9 yr old might not be quite as able to restrain herself.

I have come across several of these in-your-face "look at me! Me! Me!" children over the past 20 years, and they really are very, very annoying. Their parents are perhaps even more annoying for allowing their children to become a PITA in the first place. If I feel that as a 50 yr old, I can see why a 9 yr old might not be quite as able to restrain herself.

There are literally 1000s of annoying children in the world - dancing, jumping, crying, shouting, whining, singing, laughing, throwing things, playing games.

If a bit of dancing can wind you up that much, and can only restrain yourself from physical assault because you’re 50 not 9 - you need a word.

@TatianaBis you are wilfully misunderstanding. Everyone knows the difference between children being ordinarily annoying (which they all are) and children who are a right royal pain in the arse.

I wish people would stop calling children brats etc. Children do silly things sometimes, even the ones who are usually well behaved.

It’s all just a bit childish

[quote Block]@TatianaBis you are wilfully misunderstanding. Everyone knows the difference between children being ordinarily annoying (which they all are) and children who are a right royal pain in the arse.[/quote]
Do they? Is there an agreed global index scale of annoyance?

Or is it matter of taste, personality, circumstance?

I don’t find dancing children half as annoying as aggressive whiny bullies. Which applies to posters on this thread as much as to the child.

If a bit of dancing can wind you up that much, and can only restrain yourself from physical assault because you’re 50 not 9 - you need a word.

The OP herself says her DD dances CONSTANTLY.

So KarateGirl has doubtless been putting up with this constant twirling whirling prancing every single school day since they were in reception, plus the school run as well. No wonder it’s starting to wear thin.

Especially since BalletGirl has a really shitty entitled and superior attitude to go along with it.

I danced extremely competitively all through my childhood. Not once did I ever prance around in the street. But there were one or two girls in my dance school who had the same attitude as this girl, the mean girls of the dance world. Everyone hated them as well - even the other ballet girls!

No one likes a show off.

@TatianaBis PP's have also said that it's not just annoying but can be dangerous for the people around you on the street.

My Mum is disabled and has been knocked over by a child who was prancing around and broke her leg from the fall, she's not very stable on her feet at the best of times. She then had to spent months and months recovering, I had to go and live with her whilst she couldn't look after herself, all because a child wasn't watching where they were going.

Yes that wasn't the situation here but it's not just annoying sometimes, it can be dangerous for the people around them.

@TatianaBis You're still at it. I think you get pleasure out of picking fights with anonymous people on the internet.

Dancing Girl was evidently very, very annoying and her behaviour was potentially dangerous. We've all come across such children, and across parents who don't nip entitled behaviour in the bud.

@Rinoachicken

So let’s get this straight, you’re making someone else’s dilemma all about you: reading into a 9 year old you’ve never met the mean girls of your childhood, wanged on about your own dancing, your own superiority for not dancing in the street, then have the gall to complain about someone else being annoying?

But hey, if someone annoys you, violence is fine.

@AmIInside Is your daughter your PFB, by any chance?

@TatianaBis

[quote TatianaBis]@Rinoachicken

So let’s get this straight, you’re making someone else’s dilemma all about you: reading into a 9 year old you’ve never met the mean girls of your childhood, wanged on about your own dancing, your own superiority for not dancing in the street, then have the gall to complain about someone else being annoying?

But hey, if someone annoys you, violence is fine.[/quote]
As I said, @TatianaBis

BTW, one child shoving another when provoked deserves a pretty stern telling-off. It is hardly "violence" (which would suggest that Karate Kid started beating Dancing Diva up). Have you ever actually had children?

I wouldn’t be walking to and from school with them anymore that’s for sure

@Block

Rather ironic on a thread where the majority of posters have picked a fight with the OP and driven her off the thread.

Unlike some posters I do not personally find dancing more annoying than violence. The hypocrisy of exaggerating the danger of dancing while ignoring the far more serious danger of physical assault is spectacular.

We’ve all come across aggressive kids whose parents have never taught them self control. They are pia through school and beyond.

@Mantlemoose

No one deserves being thrown to the ground but they're kids and not in full control of themselves. To be honest your DD does sound like an annoying kid. You think it's cute most people dont.

What on earth are you on about? Of course a 9 year old is beyond the age of being able to not physically assault another child for something that has nothing whatsoever to do with them.

OP's daughter does not sound annoying. She sounds like a 9 year old who loves to move and dance. There's nothing wrong with that. So many worse things.

I would rethink spending time with the other mother and her daughter for a while, OP. Sounds like mum hasn't helped matters here by voicing her own thoughts to a child who has acted out on them, feeling validated by mum. Not appropriate behaviour of mum, here.

Only the hyperbole of mumsnet could turn a 9 year old girl pushing a twirling twat out of her way be turned into a 'physical assault'.

Gosh better log it on 101 now in case it cracks the case of the vicious karate kid...

Grabbing someone’s arm and throwing them to the floor is violence. If they’d been older it would have been physical assault.

People have died from being shoved if they land badly and hit their head.

If you think that’s acceptable then society really has a problem.

@TatianaBis

Grabbing someone’s arm and throwing them to the floor is violence. If they’d been older it would have been physical assault.

People have died from being shoved if they land badly and hit their head.

If you think that’s acceptable then society really has a problem.

Nobody said it was acceptable but neither is the dancing!

Both your DD and her friend sound nasty. They are 9 and should have some ability to speak nicely to each other without hurling insults by now.

Friends DD absolutely should not have thrown your DD.

However the worst person on this is you - the weak parent. Who should have taught her DD by now - at the age of 9 - that streets and shops full of general public are for walking along sensibly with awareness of other people - not for prancing along and getting in everyone's personal space.

Why haven't you taught her to dance in appropriate places?