Bridesmaid... but no duties?

[pcofmushu]

I am bridesmaid at my sister's wedding next week. The group of bridesmaids consists of myself and 3 of my sister's friends.
The friends (BMs) have controlled everything, from details of the hen party to finer details on the day. I have not been consulted on any of the plans for the wedding. Not one! I feel as if the 3 friends have planned all of this together and have totally excluded me as the BM (and sister of the bride). To rub salt in the wounds, the seating plan was released today (seating plan made by the 3 BMs) and I am the only BM not on Top Table. I am sat on a random table with friends of friends of the Groom!!! I know there is no right or wrong, and my sister is obviously happy for the planning of the wedding to go this way. But I can't help but feel put out by this entire thing. I feel like I was given the role of BM because I am the sibling and its kind of what "should" happen. I haven't had any BM duties at all, it is merely a title! People will be coming to me on the day asking for help etc RE where to go/what to do, and quite honestly I have just as much an idea as they do.
AIBU to feel miffed by this?
(Sorry if this is a ramble, I hope it makes sense) tia x

Come on OP. Let your voice be heard.

Speak to your sister! Tonight!

Sod that!
All BM's should be sat together
It's going to look really odd and it's really not fair of them to be basically pushing you out of your Sisters big day, and her actually letting them do it
Me? I'd be handing my dress etc back asap and declining the invite to be a BM, and telling her exactly why as well
You're basically being ignored by the other 3 and your Sister, she shouldn't be giving them free reign

This is absolutely bizarre. You must speak to your DSis and DM immediately.

Only the B&G should navigate the politics of a seating plan, and who releases the plan to others before the actual day?

Do you actually know these 3 BM’s? Do you have reason to think they dislike you? If indeed your DSis approves of where you have been seated then I would resign from being BM immediately.

If the wedding is next week why have you not pushed to be involved before now? Seems really odd you’ve been annoyed all this time but said nothing

Just ring up your sister and ask to be sat with your family or the other bridesmaids rather than randomly at the back of the room not even with your boyfriend.

The rest of it I'd just let go and enjoy myself

This is batshit! What on earth is your sister playing at? Whether she has given the 3 BM free reign on the seating plan and is strangely oblivious, or she has instructed them to deliberately exclude you from the TT, she needs to understand that this is not an acceptable way to do things. It’s also downright nasty if she has deliberately excluded you and I’d resign immediately and refuse to attend if she does not seat you with your DP.

Why haven’t you as sister to the bride done more?? Perhaps they were waiting for you to do things and as you haven’t they have just sorted it out to avoid letting the Brode down?

This is very weird. Even weirder than my DB’s wedding. My DF (my DM died a few years previously) wasn’t invited to sit on the top table and was stuck away in a corner at the back of the venue with me, DD, DH sat around a table for four, when everyone else sat at tables of 12.
We have never fallen out over it but I will never forgive them for my DF being embarrassed like that in front of everyone. My DF is a gentle, generous man. He has done so much for them and yet he was humiliated on the day, with no warning.
Op, this will set tongues wagging, so don’t allow your Dsis to do it to you.

It’s bad enough that you’re not sat at the top table, but to seat your boyfriend elsewhere is a double insult. I wouldn’t even want to go to her wedding if that’s the way she’s organising it! And for your mother to just say “it’s her day, she can do what she wants” is not good enough- hasn’t she tauhh go t her to have manners??

@Honeyroar.. exactly!!! I could ignore the tt if I sat with my partner.. this is hurtful xx

Are the bridesmaids these three?

I'm normally one to suggest people don't moan about weddings because they're stressful enough but seriously? you're not even sat with your own siblings and boyfriend? It sounds like the BMs are deliberately being cruel and trying to make you as miserable as possible. I love my sister but if she let her friends do that I just wouldn't bother going.

@iklboogiemaninthecloset I was imagining this!

So, have you spoken to her?

Is everyone else sat with their partner? Or are they trying to split couples to enforce mingling? It’s not usual for no bridesmaids or just the maid of honour to be on the top table but 3 and 1 is not on!

That’s a bit shit they are all sitting together and you aren’t with her or your family

Did you ask your sister if uou can do anything to help duty wise

I'd speak to my sis and be ready to resign as bm. You will risk people wondering why you're dressed as a bm but not sat with your family

Never heard of anyone other than B and G doing seating plan!
Makes no sense

I’ve been a bridesmaid twice and I didn’t realise it came with ‘duties’!

What "duties" are there for a bridesmaid? My sister was my bridesmaid. All she had to do was turn up.

You really need to stand up for yourself and stop being a martyr to the “it’s her day” line.

To be honest I’d be going straight to the BMs who have arranged the seating plan (over the phone to get answers straight away) and saying something along the lines of “hi, I see I’m the only BM not sat at the top table. Can you let me know why? And you haven’t put BF and I at the same table. If you could pls sort that I’d be grateful”

I think there’s a BM on the loose who’s on a power trip who has an axe to grind.

@HappyDays101010

I’ve been a bridesmaid twice and I didn’t realise it came with ‘duties’!

Thank goodness; I thought it was just me. I've only ever had to turn up, and I didn't give my bridesmaids duties either - maybe they've been cross with me about that for 20 years!

I don't think I've ever come across discussion of the seating plan before the event either, outside the B&G. Although having said that, ours was simple, as there's no-one in either extended family who doesn't get on - I've realised from my time on MN how unusual that is!

Anyway OP I get that you were hoping to be more involved but I think the lack of 'duties' is secondary to the bizarre seating arrangements! I hope your talk with your sister goes well.

As an aside, when I read BM I always think Bowel Movement, and I can’t help thinking that with these three I might be right 💩💩💩

Gosh i wouldnt let BMs have any say in the seating arrangement at my wedding,its very odd your sister letting them do this,and surely family members ike parents AND siblings are seated on top table.I would let your sister know your not happy,Good luck x