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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid... but no duties?

241 replies

pcofmushu · 02/11/2021 20:06

I am bridesmaid at my sister's wedding next week. The group of bridesmaids consists of myself and 3 of my sister's friends.
The friends (BMs) have controlled everything, from details of the hen party to finer details on the day. I have not been consulted on any of the plans for the wedding. Not one! I feel as if the 3 friends have planned all of this together and have totally excluded me as the BM (and sister of the bride). To rub salt in the wounds, the seating plan was released today (seating plan made by the 3 BMs) and I am the only BM not on Top Table. I am sat on a random table with friends of friends of the Groom!!! I know there is no right or wrong, and my sister is obviously happy for the planning of the wedding to go this way. But I can't help but feel put out by this entire thing. I feel like I was given the role of BM because I am the sibling and its kind of what "should" happen. I haven't had any BM duties at all, it is merely a title! People will be coming to me on the day asking for help etc RE where to go/what to do, and quite honestly I have just as much an idea as they do.
AIBU to feel miffed by this?
(Sorry if this is a ramble, I hope it makes sense) tia x

OP posts:
Petlover9 · 04/11/2021 23:26

Could you book a holiday for that time? Maybe "win" one in some competition. I would definitely not be humiliated, you must think of something to get out of it , cf's they are.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 04/11/2021 23:44

"This is a bit awkward as I know you left the job of your seating plan to BM1,2&3, but I think there may have been a mistake as I'm not sitting with family and other bridesmaids. I just wanted to flag it now so you aren't shocked on the day! It seems like a strange thing to do so I'm assuming it's an oversight, but as I say thought it best to point out now so it's not a surprise on the big day."

She must have signed it off but that gives her an out and time to change it.

Snog · 05/11/2021 07:23

Tell her where you'd like to sit and who with OP.

If she doesn't make the change then tell her you find it disrespectful inconsiderate and humiliating to be her sister and BM and be treated like this.

I realise that you have not been brought up to be direct about your feelings but I think you need to be.

Cosyblankets · 05/11/2021 08:44

@youvegottenminuteslynn

"This is a bit awkward as I know you left the job of your seating plan to BM1,2&3, but I think there may have been a mistake as I'm not sitting with family and other bridesmaids. I just wanted to flag it now so you aren't shocked on the day! It seems like a strange thing to do so I'm assuming it's an oversight, but as I say thought it best to point out now so it's not a surprise on the big day."

She must have signed it off but that gives her an out and time to change it.

Perfect
murasaki · 05/11/2021 09:56

This is very odd. I was prety sure Sis2 only asked me and Sis3 to be bridesmaids because it was the done thing, but damn straight we were sat on the top table with the other bridesmaid, her BFF, our parents, her DH, his mum, and the best man. Our partners were on a table together with our uncle, which worked fine.

My only issue was that then everyone was looking at us in our horrid green bridesmaid dresses, but hey ho. More fizz and I stopped caring.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/11/2021 10:00

Why have you left it until a week before the wedding to speak up about it? Well, that's if you do. At least ask to be sat with your BF!

wentworthinmate · 05/11/2021 11:50

Sorry but you've been asked because you're her sister and nothing else. Very sad for you to be parked in a corner like a spare part. Tell her you'll go as a guest and nothing more.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/11/2021 17:26

When I first read your post OP I thought you were the older sister and she the younger, but she's 10 years older than you. Old enough to know better and her behaviour does seem odd.

Yearonebesties · 05/11/2021 18:53

I absolutely couldn’t be doing with this Confused

LetItGoHome · 09/11/2021 07:32

What a mess! The way she is going there are going to be a few pull out before the day. In regards to the seating. Is there anyone obvious that wouldn't mind swapping on the day so you can sit with your partner? If there are a few guests in the same boat, perhaps you could just rearrange yourselves on the day?

whiteroseredrose · 09/11/2021 07:45

I'd be asking your sister why she dislikes you so much to not even sit you with your partner.

Not top table is one thing, but not with your partner is spiteful.

I'd actually not go to the wedding. Screenshot the seating plan and if you are ever asked why, just show them. You took it as a suggestion that she didn't really want you there.

FeedMeSantiago · 09/11/2021 08:42

I would resign as a bridesmaid and attend the ceremony as a guest.

I would either not attend the reception, or try and find a way to sit with my DP once there. Even if you were stuck on the random table, you won't be as conspicuous as a guest as you would be as a bridesmaid.

At least the knowledge that others are also upset shows it's not you, it's her.

Plus, you are no longer obliged to have your sister as a bridesmaid, should you ever get married.

unfortunateevents · 09/11/2021 12:59

It would be interesting to see how this turns out. I think the wedding must be this week?

Itsnotallaboutyoubaby · 10/11/2021 23:38

I hope you haven’t just gone along with this OP. Do not grin and bear it because it’s her day. She is being a Bitch. You and your family need to stop pandering to her Flowers

whoopy1 · 17/11/2021 12:46

@pcofmushu what eventually happened at your (d)s’s wedding? Did she see sense and have the seating plan changed?

LittleOwl153 · 17/11/2021 13:46

I hope your sister saw some kind of sense @pcofmushuand and that her wedding isn't being talked about for all the wrong reasons...

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