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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bridesmaid... but no duties?

241 replies

pcofmushu · 02/11/2021 20:06

I am bridesmaid at my sister's wedding next week. The group of bridesmaids consists of myself and 3 of my sister's friends.
The friends (BMs) have controlled everything, from details of the hen party to finer details on the day. I have not been consulted on any of the plans for the wedding. Not one! I feel as if the 3 friends have planned all of this together and have totally excluded me as the BM (and sister of the bride). To rub salt in the wounds, the seating plan was released today (seating plan made by the 3 BMs) and I am the only BM not on Top Table. I am sat on a random table with friends of friends of the Groom!!! I know there is no right or wrong, and my sister is obviously happy for the planning of the wedding to go this way. But I can't help but feel put out by this entire thing. I feel like I was given the role of BM because I am the sibling and its kind of what "should" happen. I haven't had any BM duties at all, it is merely a title! People will be coming to me on the day asking for help etc RE where to go/what to do, and quite honestly I have just as much an idea as they do.
AIBU to feel miffed by this?
(Sorry if this is a ramble, I hope it makes sense) tia x

OP posts:

Star81 · 02/11/2021 21:22

This is so so strange and honestly I can’t see how your sister wouldn’t think so as well. If she keeps the seating plan like that then her wedding will be remembered for the fact her sister was in the corner and why was that done ! I think you need to speak to her as maybe she’s not read it all properly as it seems odd she’s be willing to do this.

LittleOwl153 · 02/11/2021 21:22

I would take the stance that others are not impressed at the seating plan and that if she wants everyone to have a nice day then she needs to take a relook at it.

I would however tell her she needs to change where you are sitting because it both looks bizarre that you are the only excluded bridesmaid and nasty that you are not with your partner or family - like you are deliberately being shunned. And if that is thtle can you would rather not be there.

TrevorFountain · 02/11/2021 21:24

I am sat on a random table with friends of friends of the Groom!!! [With boyfriend on another table.]

And this - this is the sort of thing a real nasty piece of work would do.

Sparkletastic · 02/11/2021 21:24

This is odd. Speak to her. Maybe she needs family support more than it appears.

JudgeJ · 02/11/2021 21:26

@5lilducks

I think you need to speak to your sister, and if she didnt sort it out, (if it were me) I'd test positive on the day.

Or, better still, during the day, 'OMG, I've just done a LFT and it's positive' spoken at the reception!

urbanbuddha · 02/11/2021 21:27

Talk to your sister. Let her know you're not a random, you're that girl she grew up with and you should be on TT along with your parents and the extra bridesmaids.

DivorceAdvicePlease123 · 02/11/2021 21:27

I can only assume these three bitches aren't her actual friends, they're just totalling taking the piss for a free party and she's perhaps too weak to stand up to them? Think Muriel...

Cameleongirl · 02/11/2021 21:27

So both you and other family members are upset with the seating plan? Talk to your sister, she’s the person who can sort this out.

urbanbuddha · 02/11/2021 21:28

Btw does one of the other bridesmaids fancy your boyfriend?

thelegohooverer · 02/11/2021 21:29

This reminds me of a friend who wanted all the trimmings of a big white wedding but couldn’t be bothered actually making a decision or organising anything. There were a lot of stressed and frustrated people behind the scenes and she still laughs about how wound up people got, completely oblivious to the fact that she was leaving a trail of chaos in her wake.

jelly79 · 02/11/2021 21:30

Wow this feels really weird! Does one of them hold a really personal grudge?

I'd be asking BMs why you are sat away from your sister and family!

Spoonio · 02/11/2021 21:32

Could your sister have told them to keep you out of the planning?

nixso29 · 02/11/2021 21:34

I'd be sitting in the bar by myself having a great time before I'd sit at the random table!

BitterTits · 02/11/2021 21:35

Following out of pure nosiness. I'm so glad I've never been popular enough to be a bridesmaid Hope you're sorting this out with your sister OP.

Anontwentyone · 02/11/2021 21:36

Surely the other 3 BM have made a mistake? Do you share a similar name with someone and they're getting you mixed up?

If they've deliberately done this-
Absolutely don't accept not sitting with your own parents at your sister's wedding that's batshit bonkers, and why are your parents being so nonchalant about it? They should be outraged!

Chickychoccyegg · 02/11/2021 21:38

I don't know what's stranger...the seating plan or the fact that neither you or your parents have spoken to your sister to find out whst the hell is going on!!
Does she possibly need support as no bride ever, gives the job of seating plan to the bridesmaids.

wotsitsandwine · 02/11/2021 21:41

You're wasting time and energy on this. All these assumptions and getting yourself riled up, instead of literally just speaking to your sister about it.

You're focusing on where you will be sat, or how embarrassed you are if someone asks you a question and you don't know any of the answers. So speak to your sister, find out what's happening, and why.

Sit down and have a chat with her. Getting all worked up about this without ever even chatted to her is pointless.

RampantIvy · 02/11/2021 21:45

Why haven't you talked to your sister?

There is no need to "confront" her. Just ask. The seating plan is nothing to do with the bridesmaids. They won't know everyone who has been invited.

Smashingspinster · 02/11/2021 21:45

so either you have pissed off one of the others and they are punishing you, or they are just used to working really closely together and are thoughtless about how that is impacting you. Could you talk to them? And see if they are receptive? They may just be clueless. But if they are defensive at all I would step down and explain to your sister that you feel it is for the best. And I would tell her that you are not comfortable with the seating plan.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/11/2021 21:48

I think it’s all stuff you could live with except for the seating plan. That’s really weird. Especially as your BF is sat with your brothers! I raise the SP with your sister, and she can intervene

Itsnotallaboutyoubaby · 02/11/2021 21:49

That’s seriously odd!

Cadburyschoco · 02/11/2021 21:49

Ahh I would be so upset too if I was you. It’s really really odd that the bridesmaids have taken control of this, and even more so that you aren’t on the top table and they are ! Definitely say something to your sister, but without the other BM around when you have the conversation. The other BMs sound awful !

Ostagazuzulum · 02/11/2021 21:49

Does to our sister have form for this at all? Ie excluding you? It's so baffling that they've not even sat you with your BF?? Are you friends with other BMs at all or met them much?

TatianaBis · 02/11/2021 21:50

@jelly79

Wow this feels really weird! Does one of them hold a really personal grudge?

I'd be asking BMs why you are sat away from your sister and family!

Fuck the BMs talk to the sister.

Butterbeer4All · 02/11/2021 21:53

Can't you just talk to your sister about it?

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