Upset by comment my Dad made

[wateringthenightgarden]

Recently went to my parents house, the conversation ended up with us talking about families that can not afford to have heating on in their home, my Dad who is in his 60's said he didn't have heating in his house until he was 23 and he didn't moan about it and that people will just have to wear coats and jackets to keep warm.

I was upset at my Dad's comments as we're not living in the 60's and 70's anymore when my Dad was a child when it might have been acceptable not to have heating in your home.

1972 we got ch at home, before that we had gas fire in lounge and a spare electric 2-bar fire for anywhere else. We had Crittal windows which were metal surrounds so in really cold weather in the bedrooms we often had thin ice on the insides of the windows and condensation water on the window sills.

It was horrible but we managed. It was sheer luxury when dad got the ch put in though.

I grew up in a home without central heating.

We had an open fire in the living room that had a back boiler that heated a radiator in my parents bedroom and the hot water, and an immersion heater for when the fire wasn't lit. The other 2 bedrooms had no heating at all, but my DB and I both had electric blankets on our beds.

It was bloody grim. It was so cold we had ice inside the bedroom windows - not frost, actual ice a few mills thick. I used to get into bed and take my clothes off and put my pj's on under the covers.

The mornings were even worse. There was no heating in the bathroom at all, and it was impossible to have a hot bath because the water cooled so quickly. I used to get up first so I could get dressed in the living room while no-one else was around, and put my school uniform on the fireguard to get warm while I was in the bath.

I didn't live in a house with CH until I was in my late 20s and I bloody love it.

I think it comes more from a place where they try and show its survivable!

Not comfortable and not the 21st centrist lifestyle we have all learnt to take for granted - but also not something that is out of the norm or been seen before.

And for many it's a reality and people who have knowledge of what it's like and how to survive it and get through it are actually useful to know!

My mum and dad didn’t have central heating until I was in my mid-teens in the late 80s. Until then, yes, all the things everyone has said - hot water bottles, electric blanket on for half an hour if you were very lucky, a hundredweight of Witney blankets, a paraffin lamp in the bathroom to stop the pipes freezing, visits from Jack Frost on the windows… yet when it snowed, you couldn’t wait to run and play outside! You don’t miss what you’ve never had. I look back with some fondness but at the time it was horrible compared with now, and it was so much colder then. Your dad is talking from experience, let it go - there’ll be a time when you reminisce to your grandkids about not having house robots or some such when you were growing up!

Due to various setbacks I went without central heating in my house from Christmas till the end of February last winter and wearing warm clothes, hot water bottles, electric blankets is nowhere near the same as having central heating.
I had one of them plug in convention heaters too, ok but bloody expensive.
I’m sorry it’s nearly 2022 and there’s no way I’m going cold to save a few quid, I’m old enough to remember coal fired and the rest of the house being Baltic.
Nope we’ve moved on and my house is as warm as we need.

@nildesparandum

I was a child in the 1950s . We had one coal fire n the living room with a broken back boiler so used a gas heater for hot water it was called an Ascot.The bedrooms were unheated so we only used them for sleeping in, then we used hot water bottles, and coats on top of the blankets to keep warm.The windows froze over in the winter, Jack Frost drew patterns on them.We would get dressed in the cold mornings in the kitchen with the oven lit and the door open until the fire got going. When I got married and first house with two young children in the 70s things were not much better, but what you never have you never miss. Then in the 80s we got central heating it was like heaven and still is. I would not like to go back to the early days, but now I am a pensioner I may have to.

You get a winter fuel allowance as a pensioner. £200? That would cover my winter gas bill, why won’t it cover yours?

Maybe the OP's dad is a baby boomer, who now owns a house and has a good final salary pension

Maybe he lived through those times as a young person but benefited from improving welfare and workplace support

Maybe he's like many of those of his age, who have no idea of how lucky they were, and that these privileges aren't on offer to current / future generations

Or maybe he's like my mum who had to live sleep and eat in one room with her mum and 3 siblings thanks only to the generosity of her aunt after her dad died. Or my dad who slept 3 in a bed with his brothers, with both parents being written off before they got to senior school because they failed their 11 plus. Who had to raise two kids on one small salary before childcare and top up benefits were freely available and one of whom died before he reached pension age and certainly not a good final salary pension and who never had a holiday, let alone a holiday abroad because they couldn't afford it.

Ah, the gold old days 🙄 How lucky my boomer parents were.

Honestly, the agism on MN sucks.

Takemetothe90s

I am fully aware I get a winter fuel allowance.I am also aware that it s likely to be means tested under this government so am enjoying it while it lasts.

@nildesparandum

Takemetothe90s

I am fully aware I get a winter fuel allowance.I am also aware that it s likely to be means tested under this government so am enjoying it while it lasts.

Well if it’s means tested and you won’t get it you don’t need it! God the entitlement!

Why on earth has this upset you enough to write a post about it? Seems utterly bizarre!

It's mainly about insulation really, this country's housing stock is terrible.

I'd be annoyed at your dad too. Older people often say kids in their day had it harder, the thing is that older people in their day also had it much harder than today's older people. No foreign holidays, hip replacements, dining out etc. You don't hear so much about that!

I understand you are upset.its that sort of unempathetic attitude towards poverty in general that is so unpleasant to listen to.However, I also think, it is totally inapropriate how (mostly young) people cant be bothered to wear a fleece or a thick jumper indoors in winter.There is a point in both those arguments.

It's a fact, that's what he was brought up with so he's always going to have a different view than you on this. I don't understand why that would upset you tbh.

@Andwander

I understand you are upset.its that sort of unempathetic attitude towards poverty in general that is so unpleasant to listen to.However, I also think, it is totally inapropriate how (mostly young) people cant be bothered to wear a fleece or a thick jumper indoors in winter.There is a point in both those arguments.

I've been clearing a house recently. There were a number of old, worn woollen jumpers with holes in. Warm, but no charity shop would take them. So - I left them outside the door with a help yourself sign. They vanished within half an hour.

So - people are layering up now, whether because of climate reasons or lack of cash.

I do find it amusing that we’re all talking about “back in the 70s” and “when I was a kid” - we bought our first house in 2007 and it didn’t have CH!

Just remember people - you win no medals for roughing out the cold and denying yourself and your family the basic comfort of being warm. And it’s crass in the extreme to suggest that because you’re happy to do it families that can’t afford to heat their homes should also be happy to live like that. Cop onto your privilege that you can afford it and don’t need it.

@EnidFrighten

It's mainly about insulation really, this country's housing stock is terrible.

I'd be annoyed at your dad too. Older people often say kids in their day had it harder, the thing is that older people in their day also had it much harder than today's older people. No foreign holidays, hip replacements, dining out etc. You don't hear so much about that!

Well, no. Because for somebody to remember not being able to go to a restaurant, fly abroad or have a hip replacement, they'd be around 120 years old by now, as the former two have been steadily increasing in popularity since the 50s and all have been regularly available since the 1970s.

@Bobsyer ??? Quite a few of us cant afford to heat our houses to a nice even 23 degrees, that's why we don't. I dont know a single person who doesnt selectively heat rooms in cold weather or who doesnt layer up. Just saying that those things are normal and not an example of extreme deprivation. Having no means to keep warm is deprivation.

For those saying they ‘can’t afford’ to heat their homes, may I ask do you have enough food? I only ask this because I would go without food to heat my home as I cannot bear being cold. I would rather go hungry.

@MrsCardone

For those saying they ‘can’t afford’ to heat their homes, may I ask do you have enough food? I only ask this because I would go without food to heat my home as I cannot bear being cold. I would rather go hungry.

I’m not in this situation but I’d rather be cold than hungry. You can wear extra layers if you’re cold. Not ideal, but better (for me) than being constantly hungry.

@MrsCardone

For those saying they ‘can’t afford’ to heat their homes, may I ask do you have enough food? I only ask this because I would go without food to heat my home as I cannot bear being cold. I would rather go hungry.

On day 1 of food vs heat, sure you might choose heat. Not so much on day 3.

To answer your question Mrs Cardone - I live in an old cottage with no central heating, only a woodburner, electric blanket and hot water bottles for warmth, am on a low salary and cannot afford to have central heating installed or be able to afford the fuel, if I could. My only options, due to my location, would be LPG or oil fired heating systems, both ruinously expensive to run...
But I work outside in all weathers anyway and can deal with the cold - I'm used to it. But food I could not live without! Nor can anyone - being cold is nothing compared to being hungry! And I harvest much of my own anyway, pigeons, rabbits, pheasants, ducks, fish, grow my own veggies, have plenty of fruit trees, keep bees ( so have honey as a sweetener), chickens for eggs. Yes, I am fortunate as I live in an environment where I can do this, and wouldn't have it any other way.

And for many, the choice between warmth or food is a real dilemma, disgraceful situation in the 21st Century, but of course food must come first - being cold is a transient phase during a few months of the year - lack of food soon becomes terminal!

I always chose food. Being hungry is really awful.

I always chose food. Being hungry is really awful.

It's interesting, isn't it? Sure, being hungry is awful but I really cannot stand being cold. My joints ache when I'm cold, my back seizes up and as for working - forget it. I cannot type with stiff fingers and I cannot type in gloves. I've tried.

As much as I love food, if there was a day when I had to choose between the two, I'd go a day without food rather than heat.

I’m with the dad. DH whinges that he’s cold and I tell him to stick a jumper on. The dogs have their pyjamas on and we have a blanket on the couch. No need for heating.