Upset by comment my Dad made

[wateringthenightgarden]

Recently went to my parents house, the conversation ended up with us talking about families that can not afford to have heating on in their home, my Dad who is in his 60's said he didn't have heating in his house until he was 23 and he didn't moan about it and that people will just have to wear coats and jackets to keep warm.

I was upset at my Dad's comments as we're not living in the 60's and 70's anymore when my Dad was a child when it might have been acceptable not to have heating in your home.

@VladmirsPoutine

Yanbu and judging from the responses it's clear why so many people are suffering in this country - the romanticisation of suffering is particularly British. "I had to walk 10 miles, hike through a mountain and cross a river to get to school" therefore everyone else must suffer too. This is why we remain voting for the same parties who continue to demolish the social fabric of society.

Indeed. Because these experiences are not widespread. Plenty at the top of the pile who’ve always had plenty of heat.

The sort of mentality which sees people querying why people on benefits have flat screen TVs and that those who were affected by the removal of the £20 UC should 'get a job'. Our attachment to suffering is why we have families choosing between eating or heating but alas it's a result of their poor choices.

Why are you upset ? It's a dad thing to say, and since paying my own heating bills I actually agree. Layer up.

A bit of both. I certainly dont think a house uniformly heated to 23 degrees 24/7 is necessary but living in a permanently cold, damp home is not right.

So yes people putting on a jumper before flicking the heating on - fine. Unable to keep even a couple of rooms warm - not fine.

He’s right about heating. We shouldn’t heat our homes to the extent we do. However, it isn’t acceptable that for some it isn’t a choice. The level of social inequality is unacceptable.

We grew up with no central heating. In my 30’s before I could have a hot bath without turning emersion heater on. A gas fire in the evening with doors all shut but during day windows and doors wide open and people freely walked in and out.

You sound a bit fragile @wateringthenightgarden I doubt your dad meant any harm, but yeah it's right that we didn't have central heating in the 1970s, and used to have frost patterns on the inside of the windows, and all the rooms were bloody cold, except the lounge where the coal fire was. But we were 'APPY!

Seriously, you younger folk are better off now in many ways than us oldies born pre 1970, but then again, we are better off in many ways than you. It's not a race to the bottom. We all have our battles and problems. And we all have our advantages.

I’m with your dad. I grew-up on my grandparents farm. They were up and about at all hours and in all weathers - farming weather my grandad used to say. They had no sense of being hard done by. And I’m only 43 so we’re not talking about 1950’s. And yes, life can be tough sometimes. I’m working ALL Christmas this year. You just have to get on with it.

@VladmirsPoutine

Yanbu and judging from the responses it's clear why so many people are suffering in this country - the romanticisation of suffering is particularly British. "I had to walk 10 miles, hike through a mountain and cross a river to get to school" therefore everyone else must suffer too. This is why we remain voting for the same parties who continue to demolish the social fabric of society.

This. ^

I thought this was a pretty standard Dad comment.

I mean, I can't afford to turn the heating on yet. I had hoped to turn it on in November, but no. So I wear extra layers or onesies in the house. It's that or less food.

The house I up grew up in only had a coal fire in the living room. In the winter we put a parrafin stove in the kitchen to take the edge off. Upstairs we had no heating at all. You took a hot water bottle to bed and the bathroom was freezing.

Same. And yes my bedroom windows were icy inside in the mornings.

But I don't romanticise that at all (as a pp claimed people of my age do). Getting central heating when I was about 11 was fantastic. And while I'll economise on most things, I like to be warm, and I'm not one of those that just puts on a jumper. If I can't be warm in my own home, then what have I been working and saving for?

I don't get why you're upset by what he said, OP. It's a truth. He knows that people will cope, because he knows what it's like to cope.
I wish people didn't have to though, and worry a lot about the people who won't be able to afford their heating bills this winter. And a lot fo them will be old people, too.

Why would you be upset by that? Grow up.

[quote YukoandHiro]@SpaceshiptoMars that is patently nonsense... there are some major political and social issues that we face at the moment but your comment is complete hyperbole.[/quote]
www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/breaking-hawick-flooding-major-incident-25323166

That's just one town. Each year now, this is happening in several towns across the UK. No joke being flooded out. It can take months and months of drying out, building work and redecorating before you can move back in. Rather overshadows turning the thermostat down, don't you think?

I’m not ‘romanticising’ anything, I don’t believe anyone should have to choose between food and heating. I just don’t understand why her dad recounting his experience is ‘upsetting’.

No heating in our bedrooms until the mid 1970s, and you were in distinct danger of hypothermia going to the loo in my grandparents' house over Christmas. What your dad said was true.

I am currently sitting with two jumpers, fur lined bootees and a hot water bottle. Only me in tonight so there is no need to heat the whole house just to sit and watch TV.

We may all need to shift our thinking - putting on additional layers is not a distressing thing to do.

Not having central heating is different to having central heating and not being able to afford to run it.

I’d be pissed off if my dad had said something like this, it’s easy to remember the really grim times through rose-tinted lenses.

Not having central heating is different to having central heating and not being able to afford to run it.

Sure. But the result is the same.

My dad's 89 and still refuses to have central heating in his house. He has a small gas fire that heats the living room beautifully, although the upstairs is freezing but he just doesn't mind.

I can't see why you're upset by his comment tbh, some people just do prefer to layer up and of course if they're not used to having much heating they don't miss it.

We're really bad about managing heating. Many people have it up far too high. We should keep it lower, get better at wearing layers and heating management- insulation, doors, curtains etc.

That said however, living in fuel poverty in properties that are damp is a quite different kettle of fish to living dry houses with a plentiful supply of coal in the 60's.

Why would this upset you though? You are going to have to tune most of that stuff out as he gets older.

@picklemewalnuts

We're really bad about managing heating. Many people have it up far too high. We should keep it lower, get better at wearing layers and heating management- insulation, doors, curtains etc.

That said however, living in fuel poverty in properties that are damp is a quite different kettle of fish to living dry houses with a plentiful supply of coal in the 60's.

I guess a big problem is having houses with decent insulation. Our old Victorian flat was a bugger to keep warm - we had to spend thousands having the windows properly sorted, get heavy curtains, buy door brushes etc and even then it wasn’t great. When we moved to our 1950s house with cavity wall insulation and double glazing, the difference was incredibly. So much less heating needed.

I think many many people's dad's say much much worse and you need to just roll your eyes and get over it. He's not wrong that people used to just wear warmer clothes at home and have fires is he? and that more people could do the same now if they're short on money? How's that upsetting?

We didn't have double glazing or central heating and we had an outside loo. There was ice on the inside of the windows in the winter. It was absolutely shit.

I was a child in the 1950s . We had one coal fire n the living room with a broken back boiler so used a gas heater for hot water it was called an Ascot.The bedrooms were unheated so we only used them for sleeping in, then we used hot water bottles, and coats on top of the blankets to keep warm.The windows froze over in the winter, Jack Frost drew patterns on them.We would get dressed in the cold mornings in the kitchen with the oven lit and the door open until the fire got going.
When I got married and first house with two young children in the 70s things were not much better, but what you never have you never miss.
Then in the 80s we got central heating it was like heaven and still is.
I would not like to go back to the early days, but now I am a pensioner I may have to.