Upset by comment my Dad made

[wateringthenightgarden]

Recently went to my parents house, the conversation ended up with us talking about families that can not afford to have heating on in their home, my Dad who is in his 60's said he didn't have heating in his house until he was 23 and he didn't moan about it and that people will just have to wear coats and jackets to keep warm.

I was upset at my Dad's comments as we're not living in the 60's and 70's anymore when my Dad was a child when it might have been acceptable not to have heating in your home.

I’m the same age as your dad. It’s true that it was normal during our childhood years to just have one fire in the lounge. We got central heating when I was a teenager then I moved to an unheated student house on a cliff side.

It doesn’t mean it was a good thing, though! Even though I’m in that age group myself I don’t think being cold has any merit. If your dad is of retirement age, he will also get a £200 Fuel Allowance for the winter.

No one should have to choose between eating and heating but sadly there are still many who do.

@5ft 5
Even with an open fire not everyone could afford to have a roaring fire all night, every night.

I vividly remember calling round to a teen school-friend's home by day in winter. It was perishing. She very hurriedly put two lumps of coal on the miserable (only) fire. Her mother shrieked "Get it OFF or we'll freeze tonight" and used the tongs to pull the two lumps of coal back onto the tiled hearth before it ignited.

In our house, the coal fire was for evenings only. When we came home from school the (empty, mother at work) house was stone cold and as oldest child my job was to empty the cold ashes, lay kindling, and light the (only) coal fire. To make it "draw" I spread a sheet of newspaper across the fireplace. Can't tell you how often I timed it wrong and accidentally let the newspaper ignite. Potential ignition of myself and entire house but we were brought up to take a little domestic conflagration in our stride and deal with it.

Why would this upset you?

Some of these stories!

We are so lucky now, well hopefully most of us are.

I didnt have heating in my house until I was 15, im only double that now, so I see what your dad is saying, I agree people walk around the home in skimpy clothes and wonder why the heating is expensive, I only have mine on an hour or 2 a day at the moment for poorly DC, I brought new blankets for everyone last year, we all have dressing gowns and slippers, its part of the joy of winter too!

We had a gas fire in thr front room and that was it, heated one room and wrapped up warm for bed, this was less than 20 years ago!

You could tell him ´yes Dad, we know in your day you had to walk to school barefoot in the snow uphill both ways’.

He's stating a fact about his childhood. What's upsetting about that?

I am a few years younger than you dad but of the same generation.
When I was a child we didn’t have central heating , fitted carpets or double glazing. We had a coal fire in the living room with a cola bunker by the back door. I loved the day when the coal man came as I knew we would have heat for a while but once the coal was gone we had no more until my mum could afford to buy more. I remember my mum making bricks out of news paper to eek out the coal. We had blankets on the bed and my dad would put his coat on top when he came come. We wore jumpers and thick socks and spent our time in the one room unless we were in bed. Pretty much everyone I grew up with lived the same way.

I can understand you not agreeing with his opinion. But do you often get upset by other peoples opinions?

I don't understand why your dad upset you.

Extra layers was a reality of my childhood - we even had bed rugs for the winter that went on top of our normal blankets and sharing a bed with a sibling was a great idea rather than something to endure...I'm only 40.

Not having central heating is not a problem, poverty is a problem. When you have families that have to choose what to go without to survive that's a sure sign that life in 2021 Britain really isn't great...but that's not what your dad said. Your dad was saying there's ways to stay warm that don't cost extra money in heating and it did him no harm growing up that way.

YABU and unfair on your dad.

We have hot water bottles nowadays and have no intention of giving them up, my children love them.

I completely agree that people shouldn't have to choose between heating and paying other bills. but being sparing with heating and using other sources of warmth like extra layers and hot water bottles is perfectly fine, IMHO. I'm currently WFH wearing a long cardigan and have a blanket over my legs even though I could afford to switch the heating on.

I am another who cannot see that what your dad said is wrong. I do not remember our family homes not having central heating as my parents always had new or nearly new homes and they moved into their second home when I was three in 1968. Their first home had part central heating from a coal fired boiler. Central heating in new homes was a big thing at that time. However, hardly any houses had double glazing and not all the rooms were carpeted. Duvets were several years away and you had thin summer sheets and brushed cotton winter sheets with layers of blankets. As a student in the mid-eighties, we had some very harsh winters. The house l shared had no central heating, only two gas fires and a gas cooker. We got used to frost on the inside of the windows. Your dad was right. There are many ways to keep warm without excessive use of central heating. Layers of clothing is the key, from the inside out, including a vest, old fashioned as that may sound ( you can call it a camisole or t-shirt if you prefer). Even as students we did this in those freezing winters. Far too many people have the heating on maximum and walk around in summer clothes. As well as being expensive, it is also not very good for the environment.

@MrsTidyHouse

And my granny taught in a school in a very poor part of town, where children were slathered with fat then sewn into their underwear for the winter. About a century ago now.

My dad, born in 1940, remembered two children from very poor families being sewn up for the winter. This was in the north of England in the late 1940s.

:16maofteens

Yes I agree @Bobsyer.
I think the point OP was making is that how can we be in this day and age and still have people who cannot afford to heat their houses, and her father's 'it was good enough for me' is hardly helpful.

To be fair I'm not sure how the OPs posting her upset with her father on the internet, is any more helpful.

I think a lot of people, quite sadly, get very upset that everyone doesn't share their opinions.

I agree with your dad. I insist everyone in the house dresses warmer before I give in and put the heating on (usually mid to late Jan time)

Yeah all my older family members agree that it was bloody miserable in the winter though and luckily none of them have to skimp on heating now

I had no heating or hot water for a year once in private rented with a shitty LL and it was awful. Also lived in a HA house in my 20s with old storage heaters that cost a fortune to heat . Luckily the dcs rooms had newer storage heaters that were cheaper and the living room had an electric fire so they don't remember how cold it was. Cooking dinner in my coat isn't a fond memory though and not something I'd like to go back to

We all have fleece throws and make sure everyone is dressed warmly as I can't afford the heating on much. It's definitely not through choice !

I grew up in the 60s and 70s. We had central heating and double glazing plus a shower. So did most of my friends.

That was in the south east of England.

I can remember both sets of grandparents having central heating installed, and having coal fires, and I was born in the 90's. I must have been about 8? We stayed regularly with both sets, and I can remember how cold it be upstairs when you went to bed, although one gran had an electric blanket for my bed, which was amazing.

*I can vaguely remember having a coal fire at home, and know I burnt myself very badly when younger on it. I think we got central heating around 1998.

Many people don’t have central heating, or choose not to use it. I do think people should know how to dress for winter in a cold house, how to save heat by closing doors etc. Thermal base layers, wool jumper, fleece socks etc. Lots of layers for kids, extra duvets and blankets in winter.

We had minimal heating when I was a kid and in my student flat I didn’t turn it on as couldn’t afford the bill. I’ve also lived in a house with oil heating that was so expensive to heat we rarely had it on, just dressed warmly and lit the fire or woodburner.

Heating a house so you can wear one layer all winter or live in T-shirt and shorts is a fairly new concept. Like double glazing, proper insulation etc weren’t around for many people and still aren’t accessible or affordable to everyone.

It's a generational thing. I'm 62, didn't have heating at home until I left and got my own place at 20.

Don’t understand why you were upset by that comment. At all.

I grew up in the 60s. Whilst we had a rudimentary heating system, with a few radiators, we still put a jumper on in winter, and when we woke on a cold morning Jack Frost had been and left a lovely pattern of ice on the inside of the (single glazed) window.

That was pretty normal.
I know nowadays people expect to swan about in short sleeved tshirts when at home (someone on the news the other day thought it disgusting that she'd have to wear a jumper if she couldn't afford to heat her home), but can assure you that was the normal in the 1960s. Then we had the fuel strikes of the 70s, so you'd come home from school - no heat no electricity. Homework by candle, and bread and cheese for tea. Great.