Upset by comment my Dad made

[wateringthenightgarden]

Recently went to my parents house, the conversation ended up with us talking about families that can not afford to have heating on in their home, my Dad who is in his 60's said he didn't have heating in his house until he was 23 and he didn't moan about it and that people will just have to wear coats and jackets to keep warm.

I was upset at my Dad's comments as we're not living in the 60's and 70's anymore when my Dad was a child when it might have been acceptable not to have heating in your home.

What are you upset about? He is telling you about his experience. I've just bought thermals for the family as last winter we had an extortionate heating bill (don't buy an open plan house with underfloor heating).

My dm grew up in a home with no heating. She spent our childhoods ensuring that we were warm and dry, including popping our coats on the radiator before we went to school so they were warm and running the car with the heater on before we got in it (on the rare occasions she drives she still does this now. I am in my forties!!). I used to find it infuriating until I found out about the lack of heating when she was younger. Hilariously she will not put the heating on for herself at all, she would sooner wear a big jumper or jacket. But it’s always on when we visit.

Yes people coped, but I don’t think anyone with half a heart would wish those circumstances on anyone now that we know better.

I do find it a little bit strange how quickly people seem to need the heating on in this country. Eat it's nice and convenient not having to find alternative ways of being warm but without finding alternative ways the environment is going to be destroyed.
So I kind of agree. I grew up with no central heating and you just put more layers on.

What? Why did it upset you? It’s the truth. 🤷🏻‍♀️

We didn’t have the heating on when I was a child. I’m only early 20s. There was simply no money for heating during winter. Layer up is what we did, and we’ve all turned out fine.

What’s upsetting about your dad’s comment? Many families live like that even nowadays, and it’s not upsetting, just the reality. A bit uncomfortable, I’ll give you that.

Can’t see anything in that comment that would actually cause upset, he was being honest.

Nothing said to be upset about surely. Growing up in the seventies we lived in a new build house that was freezing and had huge single glazed windows and the heating was rarely on. We just wore more clothes. Now I can have the heating on all the time if I want to and walk round in a vest but actually I see nothing wrong with using less energy to heat my house and more blankets and layers to keep warm. We have got more than a little entitled to things that not long ago would have been deemed luxury.

My Dad goes on about my thermostat being set at 20c & how it's wasteful, etc.
I spent my childhood waking up to ice on the inside of the windows,
Now as an adult I want to be warm. Despite the heating, I do tend to wrap up at home as well so I'm extra snug.
My Dad & stepmum are partial to lots of very nice wine & gin. I did explain that their monthly booze bill is more than my monthly gas & electric bill combined which shut them up.

@raspberrymuffin

There's a difference between no central heating and no source of heat at all. Before central heating, homes in the UK had fireplaces and stoves in which they could burn fuel to stay warm.

That is a very good point. I am one of those posters who recalled that our only heat source was a coal fire in the living room and bedrooms and bathrooms were pretty nippy. But it is true there was that one warm place in the house. In the evening we could all sit comfortably around the fire. If you had to get something from another room or brave the elements to visit the outside loo, at least you could then dash back to a cosy spot and warm up again.

However, don't forget that this did not mean the coal fire was "free". Fuel was still something that was a significant part of the household budget. Its price fluctuated throughout the year and if you wanted to take advantage of cheaper summer prices then you needed to save enough to buy in bulk. Our coalman came around every week but I remember my parents would try to save up to buy a ton of coal in late summer when the price was cheaper and put off paying the more expensive winter prices as long as possible. And of course there would be shortages when there were strikes.

Even with an open fire not everyone could afford to have a roaring fire all night, every night. And although we lived in a rural area that does not mean an inexhaustible supply of logs. Wood doesn't burn as warm as coal anyway.

I don’t really understand why you’re so upset by his comment?

Not sure why you are upset by this, it was a different generation. I was a child in the fifties and we had a coal fire in the kitchen, and later on, a gas fire in the living room. No heating in bathroom or bedrooms, you used hot water bottles.
I would definitely struggle with that today, but just accepted it as a child.

I’m 50 and remember as a kid being all huddled around the electric fire in the living room before finally getting central heating installed when I was a teenager. I also remember my first flat being so cold that ice would build up on the inside of the windows. I’ve probably mentioned these facts to all my children and none of them have got upset about it. What’s your problem?

Families will likely be fine from not having the heating on, though it's not pleasant. It's your dad's age group and older who die from not having the heating on, so perhaps he could show a little more compassion to his own generation at least.

As a student in the 1990s we had dodgy gas fires and expensive pre-pay meters with stupid plastic keys, so we hardly ever had the heating on. Yes, I survived but it was bloody grim, particularly it being too cold to try your washing and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

No point arguing with parents about such things though however wrong they are. Just make your point and agree to disagree, they won't change their minds.

Aha, I am a sixty odd year old and I remember the freezing, stinky, damp days well.

We lived in an old farmhouse with no heating except a fire, that we transported from one room to another. There was a broken or missing pot on the kitchen chimney, and when the wind blew (which was every day, where we lived) the coal smoke blew out into the kitchen making us cough and gag.

We had no heating in the bedroom and went to sleep as many clothes as we could. There were no duvets, so we just piled clothes on top of the blankets. There was frost on the inside of the windows in the winter.

The water was heated by the back boiler, so until the fire had been lit for a while, there was no hot water. We went to school having splashed ourselves awake with water that took our breath away.

The fire heated the room to a radius of half a person, so we all huddled around it. Because I was the youngest I lay on the mat and inhaled the stink of my father's steaming socks.

We also had an old washing machine that danced around the kitchen and spurted water all over the kitchen floor. So I hated rainy washing days because soaking wet clothes dripped from some sort of laundry contraption and filled up the dirty puddles from the leaking washing machine. Outside, there was mud to rival the Somme.

Ah yes, those were the days!

We also had an old washing machine that danced around the kitchen and spurted water all over the kitchen floor. So I hated rainy washing days because soaking wet clothes dripped from some sort of laundry contraption and filled up the dirty puddles from the leaking washing machine.

@caravanman Actually I quite liked wash days when I was a child. My mum had a twin tub but it sounds like it worked a lot better than yours - no leaking that I can recall and the spinner did a pretty efficient job so, even if it was raining and the washing did have to go on the contraption hanging from the ceiling rather than the washing line, no drips either. The thing I remember is that it created a lovely warm, steamy atmosphere smelling of soap.

However, I am sure my mother viewed it somewhat differently and when I was a teenager she saved up and got an automatic.

My first house in the 1980s did not have room for an automatic to be plumbed in so I had a twin tub. Not as convenient as an automatic of course and I wouldn't go back to it but I have to say I didn't hate it.

When I was a child we had gas fires and paraffin heaters that you moved from room to room and we had central heating but couldn’t afford the bills and to have it reconnected until I was 10 or so. So not no heating but less options. Attic etc wasn’t lagged either.

Well, life expectancy in 1961 was about ten years lower than it is now (70.88 years then vs 81.2 years in 2019). While some of that is down to better healthcare interventions, quite a bit is because of the advances in housing and heating.

Cold homes exacerbate respiratory conditions like asthma - especially of that cold also means more damp and mould. Having a cold home increases the likelihood of hypertension, heart attack, stroke, flu, falls, and depression to name a few. These are things that people die of, still, in 2021 because they do not heat their homes properly. We call them Excess Winter Deaths. To quote Public Health England's guidance on minimum temperatures: The high prevalence of cold, damp, poorly energy efficient households in the UK is considered one of the main reasons why the UK continues to have higher excess deaths over the winter period when compared with other European countries.

The evidence, according to Public Health England, suggests that the risks start at 18 deg celsius when wearing suitable clothing, and that for people over 65 or who have pre-existing conditions then keeping temperatures above that is beneficial. The research found that for anyone with COPD then nine hours per day above 21 degrees was beneficial.

If all the competitive would-be igloo-dwellers on here want to die ten years earlier and save taxpayers all that money in their old age, then go ahead.

Your Dad was dead right. That is going to be a fact of life this winter for many. Get used to it.

It wasn't any more fun to live in a cold house back then; people were just more realistic about living within their budget. They didn't expect to wear just a T shirt indoors in winter.

We have both always had a load of thermal underwear and woolly socks because we live in Scotland and spend a lot of time outdoors all year round. It's soft and warm and no hardship at all to wear it indoors.

My favourity keep-warm tip is a pure silk scarf worn wrapped round the neck, softtbnin and very very warm. You can still pick them up for pennies in charity shops ( old-lady cast offs) and I have a huge collection.

My other tip, is pure brushed-cotton/flanelette bedlinen in winter; sheets,. duvet covers, pillow cases. We never heat our bedroom and sleep with the windows open all year round. I'm just about to change over to the winter bedlinen. Also excellent for children and babies to snuggle into bed and sleep tight ALL night.

Cheaply available even in supermarkets.

I have different duvets and bedlinen for summer and winter use.

In winter we have an "intelligent" electric blanket which preheats the bed on a timer then turns off when we get in. Bliss. A very comfy soft cosy bed in a cold airy room is my top tip for a happy marriage and a good nights sleep.

@SpaceshiptoMars

Why does this upset you? If the governments of the world don't get their act together, we will have worse to face than not switching on the heating. The next 10 years are going to make the 60s and 70s look like the garden of eden. Buckle up, it's going to be a rocky ride.

/Yes this. Totally. Im cold where Im sitting right now but its not a disaster. If I cook something/hoover/tidy up/exercise/go for a walk Ill warm up. We dont put our heating on until the temperature drops below 16 and then only for an hour or so each day at most (usually). Extra layers of clothes and moving about (if possible) is what we do. Cant afford to have our house warmer and the planet wouldnt thank me.

In my childhood, the only heating in our house was a fireplace in the sitting room/dining room and a Rayburn stove in the kitchen. Fueliing and cleaning them was a dirty chore but even as kids, we were taught to do it. Bedrooms and bathrooms were unheated. Water pipes to taps often froze and burst in winter. Baths were weekly at high speed and shared water.

In winter, every morning the bedroom windows were iced over INSIDE in beautiful frosty ice patterns. When the sun melted them they turned into puddles on the inside windowsills.

We were taught to put the next days clothes under the foot of the bedclothes at night, so they wouldn't be so icy cold to put on next day. In winter we children wore our Chilprufe woollen vests all day , and all night under our pyjamas. We had matching Chilprufe woollen knickers by day but we wore the same pair for a week.

@Gastonia

On an entirely other subject, where I remember it actually was better in the 1970s... I remember the doctor coming to see me when I was ill with tonsillitis So do I. Those were the days! Now, you can't even get through to the doctor on the phone...

Still happened in the 1980s. Had the GP out to my toddler on Christmas Eve. And I went to the GP one Christmas morning with a shocking sudden-onset infection

@saraclara

What he’s used to? She said the man is in his 60s, I’ll bet he has a lovely winter fuel allowance, people with young children don’t get that. My dad also talks shite about the good old day and how tough his generation is, with a house as hot as the fucking Sahara that’s a freebie

Oh FFS, pack it in with the ageism @Takemetothe90s.

There's no winter fuel allowance unless you're well over 65 AND get some form of Social Security benefit (not UC). And it will go nowhere near to paying more than a month or so's heating. So your dad's heating is not a freebie unless he gets free energy some other way. And if he qualifies for SS then he needs that month of heating paid for, frankly.

I'm getting it apparently. I get a pension but no benefits.

@EinsteinaGogo

Maybe the OP's dad is a baby boomer, who now owns a house and has a good final salary pension.

Maybe he lived through those times as a young person but benefited from improving welfare and workplace support.

Maybe he's like many of those of his age, who have no idea of how lucky they were, and that these privileges aren't on offer to current / future generations.

Boomer bitching again. YAAWWNN!

for want of sounding the same all we can afford to rent is a house with no double glazing and basically the original 1980s fittings. we do have central heating but ne ver put it on just occasionally the heater in the lounge. we were both brought up in no heating houses for well into our teens and to be honest I think the old thing then put another jumper on or put a blanket over your knees or a hot water bottle etc is quite right. it is too easy now to just keep turning up the heating and dress in light summer style clothes. i think it makes you unhealthy going from sub tropical temps to freezing outside. honestly I must agree with your dad wrap up!

@wateringthenightgarden

Recently went to my parents house, the conversation ended up with us talking about families that can not afford to have heating on in their home, my Dad who is in his 60's said he didn't have heating in his house until he was 23 and he didn't moan about it and that people will just have to wear coats and jackets to keep warm.

I was upset at my Dad's comments as we're not living in the 60's and 70's anymore when my Dad was a child when it might have been acceptable not to have heating in your home.

I'm afraid we're going back to those times though...