Upset by comment my Dad made

[wateringthenightgarden]

Recently went to my parents house, the conversation ended up with us talking about families that can not afford to have heating on in their home, my Dad who is in his 60's said he didn't have heating in his house until he was 23 and he didn't moan about it and that people will just have to wear coats and jackets to keep warm.

I was upset at my Dad's comments as we're not living in the 60's and 70's anymore when my Dad was a child when it might have been acceptable not to have heating in your home.

Hmmmm I think the UK are too used to central heating. Countries like New Zealand and Australia for example tend to not have central heating and you just add another jumper on when you move to a cold room. I grew up with one fireplace in the lounge and nothing else (and I'm not that old). I still feel this is acceptable now days.

what should upset you is that this has been normal for a lot of families for decades and nothing changes. And if it has never affected you, you're lucky.

It should upset you that in a rich country like the UK so many people still have to choose between heating and eating.

My Mum's house she bought a few years ago doesn't have central heating.

I grew up in a house with no central heating and we had a coal fire, I'm in my 30's and despite being freezing sometimes it does bring back some fond memories.

@Bobsyer

Not having central heating is different to having central heating and not being able to afford to run it.

I’d be pissed off if my dad had said something like this, it’s easy to remember the really grim times through rose-tinted lenses.

Exactly.

I grew up in the eighties and nineties with no central heating in an old house with crumbling single--glazed sash windows and draughts everywhere. Chillblains were a regular winter feature, as was ice on the insides of the windows and seeing your own breath in every room apart from the kitchen, which had a range. In the evenings one of my parents would light a fire in the sitting room which would give off a blistering but short-range heat. I would sit at eyeball-melting distance for as long as I could bear it.

I was made of sterner stuff then. Nowadays like others here I am trying to wean myself off turning the thermostat up whenever I feel a bit of a chill. I get ludicrously cold hands and feet as soon as the weather turns, so I have thermal socks, those sort of massive slipper boots that look like yeti feet, and fingerless gloves for this year.

Like most things it's somewhere in the middle.
I live in an area without gas so no central heating. Haven't put any heating on yet this year as it's still relatively mild (and I live in North Scotland).
I remember a health visitor telling me the room for baby should be at least 20 degrees. The building we lived in at that time never got anywhere near that. When I considered the number of babies that must have lived in it over the last 150 years decided not to worry too much!
We have all got used to being very comfortable and it is possible to manage/ adapt to it as your dad's generation remember. Whether you want to do that when there's choice is a different matter

I'm even suggesting now to my husband that we just hear some rooms as I see heating a whole house as being a waste. I can afford heating but you just don't need to heat everything.

Yes I agree @Bobsyer.
I think the point OP was making is that how can we be in this day and age and still have people who cannot afford to heat their houses, and her father's 'it was good enough for me' is hardly helpful.

It upset you? Why? Did you feel sorry for your dad?

Heating is a relatively new thing

I dont think it should have upset you, annoyed you yes, a little eyeroll comment. My dad is full of them "back in my day" comments. I just ignore them or say ok.

Hes also the type to share on facebook them stupid meme created to whip up trouble, the "share if you are not scared to say Merry Christmas, i dont care who this offends bla bla" type posts. I've explained that I dont know anyone who is offended by the term merry christmas, but hes read an article that people want it to change to happy holidays, so hes sticking with it as another reason this generation is "snowflake"

We have central heating but I didn't turn it on at all last winter and less than half a dozen times the year before. We gave a great old stone farmhouse and you'd have to gave it on all the time to make any noticeable difference so I just don't bother. We do have a Rayburn in the kitchen, where we are 95%of the time, and a log burner in the lounge which we light in the weekends if we're going to be in the house.

The upside is that the in laws refuse to visit because our house is too cold, and I rarely visit them because their house is too hot!!

Team dad, hes only telling you facts.

My dad has heating in his house, hardly uses it. I haven't had heating in my house for ten years. It doesn't bring the world to an end. I'd suggest thermals, layers, a good coat and excellent bedclothes. It's much healthier to have an unheated house.

@Raaaaaaarr

Hmmmm I think the UK are too used to central heating. Countries like New Zealand and Australia for example tend to not have central heating and you just add another jumper on when you move to a cold room. I grew up with one fireplace in the lounge and nothing else (and I'm not that old). I still feel this is acceptable now days.

I don't know about Australia but does NZ not have huge problem with damp and mouldy houses? I don't think that this is something to aspire to. We were poor when I was a kid in the 90s and our house felt perpetually cold in Winter, we had ice on the inside of the windows some mornings. Your dad isn't wrong in that you can live like that and be fine but it wouldn't exactly be pleasant. I think we should aim for more and a huge part of that is making sure houses have proper windows and insulation but heating certainly shouldn't be something only the rich can afford.

My parents grew up in homes without central heating, as a child we had a coal fire and an immersion heater and hotwater bottles, they now like their well my Mother does house to be tropical heatwise, so warm I find it stifling.

@Thepennysjustdropped

It was normal, it's true. We didn't have central heating when I was young and I don't remember being cold. We had the fire in the living room and kept all the doors closed to keep the heat in, then had a cold bedroom but loads of blankets and a hot water bottle. But it is sad to think of people who have to choose between eating and paying bills - you're right that it just shouldn't be happening in this day and age. But don't be hard on your dad or be upset - it's what he's used to.

What he’s used to? She said the man is in his 60s, I’ll bet he has a lovely winter fuel allowance, people with young children don’t get that. My dad also talks shite about the good old day and how tough his generation is, with a house as hot as the fucking Sahara that’s a freebie

Did you and he never have the 'turn the heating on'/'put on another layer' battle when you were growing up, OP?

The windows froze over in the winter, Jack Frost drew patterns on them
Yes! I remember. I loved looking at the patterns.

I don't see why you're upset? Isn't it just an older dad-type thing to say? You know "I used to walk 14 miles to school and after school worked at whatever sounds the hardest job followed by biking to see my disabled aunt with her dinner in the rain and snow never missed for 16 years". Nod smile, move on.

Disagreeing with what he says yes but to actually feel upset about it OP.
Perhaps a tad over the top. People appear to get upset so easily it's a comment he made and is true of the 60's and 70's and true of some people today who cannot afford fuel. There are far worse things that people have to put up with, eg not enough food so need food banks, damp and mouldy and unfit, unsafe housing. Putting a coat on to keep warm might be the least of the worries of some.

I grew up in the 60s. Our house was freezing and very damp. We had coal fired central heating which my parents couldn’t afford to use. We used to sleep in 6 layers of clothes and each morning where my bed was against the wall my bedding was wringing wet from the damp. We were so bloody miserable and I was always ill. It wasn’t acceptable then and it isn’t acceptable now that people can’t afford to heat their homes. I’m not with your DF on this one or with your view it might have been acceptable in the 60s/70s for people to be freezing.

I'm with your dad on this one. I don't have any central heating and I couldn't afford to use it even if I did. I work full time and being cold in your own home isn't great, but I've got blankets, hot water bottles etc.

If your have to wear a coat to stay warm, it's not the end of the world. You have to live according to your means.

I'm baffled as to how and why that could be seen as offensive, really

My parents (mid 60’s) still live in the house I was born in. Single glazing, no heating. One coal fire. I purchased an electric heater for them but not sure they can afford to run it.
Literally used to freeze as a child but even now, 25 years after moving out, I still feel happier on the cooler side. It’s taken me years to get used to heating!

My gas hearing I keep to a minimum use mainly for baths and washing up pots, I usually wear thermal underlayers, then normal trousers and jumper with t-shirt, then a dressing gown on top, and that usually keeps me warm, towards the winter months, yes I put the heating on low to take the chill off, but other than that's it's about it.