Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about best friend's wedding

156 replies

allalongagatha · 31/10/2021 19:08

I got married a couple of weeks ago and had 2 bridesmaids - my sister and my best friend. Last week my best friend got engaged and I've just found out that she has chosen other people as her bridesmaids and I'm feeling left out and really upset.

AIBU to feel this way? I know I probably am, just feel upset that I cut down on our wedding so much (only my best friend came and minimal family) and then I'm excluded from hers?

I feel like it's worse because I think I always put too much of myself out there in regards to friendships and never have it in return - I'm never someone's 'main' friend, just somewhere in the background. Just feeling really sad right now Sad

OP posts:
DockOTheBay · 31/10/2021 19:12

YANBU to feel sad. Its really upsetting to find that someone doesn't value your friendship as much as you value theirs. Sorry OP Sad

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 31/10/2021 19:18

I mean it sounds like she is your best friend and you are not hers! That’s v upsetting, YANBU and I’m sorry

Worriedmum40284 · 31/10/2021 19:18

Sorry OP, I totally understand why this has upset you. How many bridesmaids is she having? Can you see a reason why she may have picked them e.g. family or friend for a really long time? Any chance she just hasn't got round to asking you yet?

iklboogiemaninthecloset · 31/10/2021 19:19

Are the other people friends of hers or family / DP's family?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/10/2021 19:20

Depends are her bridesmaids other friends or relatives?

RuggerHug · 31/10/2021 19:20

Are the other people relatives that she maybe had to ask?

Reptar · 31/10/2021 19:20

Ouch, no you aren't being unreasonable. I hope she at least had the decency to tell you herself.
What will you do now?

Original poster
allalongagatha · 31/10/2021 19:20

The other bridesmaids are her sister and friends Sad

OP posts:
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 31/10/2021 19:20

I am sure you are a lovely person and you deserve to be someone's main friend. You haven't found your people yet.

PS she's a dick

Fraine · 31/10/2021 19:21

I guess she doesn’t see the friendship as her main one, and I can see that must be upsetting.

You need to give less of yourself to her and anyone else to whom you are not a priority.

Original poster
allalongagatha · 31/10/2021 19:21

@Reptar she only told me because she booked her venue today and I asked who she went with to see it and she said her parents and bridesmaids Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
allalongagatha · 31/10/2021 19:22

It just happens all the time, I have people that I would class as my 'best' or main friend and then no one ever seems to see me like that and I just don't know what's wrong with me

OP posts:
Ilovechocolatecoins · 31/10/2021 19:22

That’s awful.

TimeForTeaAndG · 31/10/2021 19:23

Ugh that sucks. Are the sister and friends similar size/skin tone and you're not?

TBF traditionally bridesmaids would be unmarried, with only the maid of honour already married. So could it be something like that?

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 31/10/2021 19:28

YANBU to feel sad.
I'd be hurt too.

I know her type - selfish, insensitive, take take take.

I don't know if there's anything you can or should do, my reaction is to cut contact.
A close relative did the very last hurtful thing to me about a year ago, I no longer speak to them. They sent a message on my birthday which I ignored.
I just can't tolerate that sort of behaviour anymore.

Christmas1988 · 31/10/2021 19:30

That’s really hurtful and I can see why you are so upset, maybe take it as the perfect opportunity to reevaluate your friendships. Honestly it’s absolutely gutting when things like this happen, we’ve all been in similar situations you’re not the only one.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/10/2021 19:32

YANBU to feel hurt.

WhatAShilohPitt · 31/10/2021 19:32

I’d feel upset too, OP. If she was your bridesmaid so recently I’d fully expect you to also be hers when she’s including other friends. It’s difficult because you can’t really raise it and ask ‘why not me?’ as it becomes very awkward. It’s such a painful and insensitive snub that I’d find it difficult to view her as a close friend anymore and I’d probably distance myself. Is there anyone you could ask about it without it travelling back to her?

iklboogiemaninthecloset · 31/10/2021 19:39

Her sister is understandable, but are the friends hers, her sisters or friends of her AND her sister? Or just some other ladies she has known, goes out with etc? It's not nice to you. She could at least have explained her reasons to you instead of just dropping it on you that she didn't want you.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/10/2021 19:44

Yeh I get the hurt OP!

fedup078 · 31/10/2021 19:47

@allalongagatha I feel the same
I'm going to stop making so much effort in future as I never see it returned
Even my own family have started excluding me and meeting up without inviting me
It hurts

Bizawit · 31/10/2021 19:48

Sorry OP that’s so unkind of her!!! After she was your bridesmaid, she absolutely should have asked you Sad. What a rude, insensitive cow. I’d be distancing myself after that xx

TrickOrTreat21x · 31/10/2021 19:50

YANBU. Maybe she'll fall down the aisle and trip on her face. Grin

Seriously though that's awful 😞. Sending you hugs op. Thanks

pictish · 31/10/2021 19:50

Aww have a hug from me. I guess you’re feeling pretty dejected atm. It’s hurtful to realise that someone we really value doesn’t return the sentiment.

LettertoHermoine · 31/10/2021 19:52

Awwhh that sucks, big hug from me x