Expectations at Xmas

Threebecomesfour · 2021-10-31T14:44:50+00:00

Due to family issues on my husband's side, the likeliest big Christmases in our future will be 10 for Xmas lunch. AIBU to feel disappointed not only for me but for my children?! When I was younger I remember having Christmases with nearly 20 people and they are some of my happiest memories. Maybe it's rose-tinted glasses but I feel guilty my children won't experience the same. What counts as a big Christmas in your eyes?

Wormsarecool · 31/10/2021 14:46

Our biggest is 3! I wouldn’t want it any other way tbh!

VampireVicki · 31/10/2021 14:49

I would die if I had to host 10 people for more than a couple of hours.

The noise, the mess, oh it is making me feel ill just thinking about it.

They may be happy memories for you OP but I bet if you asked everyone else, at least half the people would say they hated it

WellLarDeDar · 31/10/2021 14:50

Wannakisstheteacher · 31/10/2021 14:50

6 (we are 5). Honestly can’t think of anything worse than 20 for Christmas.

TulipsTwoLips · 31/10/2021 14:51

About 4 would be my maximum. Any more than that brings too much drama imo!

FourTeaFallOut · 31/10/2021 14:51

I wouldn't want to host twenty. Anything over ten is a lot for me.

nc777 · 31/10/2021 14:51

Not everyone has family nearby.

It will be 4 of us this Christmas. Me, DH, and our 2 DC.

HazelandChacha · 31/10/2021 14:51

I think rose tinted.
I remember being squashed on the kids table, no elbow room, not enough room to play with the toys -if travelling then not able to take all my toys with me-things getting broken, the adults boringly talking away.

As an adult we had 17 one year, I thought it was fab but I was so stressed so I did drink rather a lot! Other Christmas days 7-12 but it’s always a case of kids not having enough room to play much, squabbles, it always being unfair because someone has to travel so leave their toys behind.

Last Christmas was actually lovely just being us!

Original poster

Threebecomesfour · 31/10/2021 14:53

@VampireVicki

I would die if I had to host 10 people for more than a couple of hours.

The noise, the mess, oh it is making me feel ill just thinking about it.

They may be happy memories for you OP but I bet if you asked everyone else, at least half the people would say they hated it

Hahaha you're probably right. I guess sometimes, esp if you've been lucky enough to have a mostly happy childhood, you want to try and recreate that!

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NuffSaidSam · 31/10/2021 14:53

10 is plenty.

Also it about quality, not quantity. You can't possibly believe your children won't have nice memories of Christmas because there are only ten people there?! It's about what you do!

Costumeidea · 31/10/2021 14:55

I couldn’t fit 10 people in my house if I tried. Someone would be sat on the toilet seat eating their turkey.

I’ll stick to 3!

RunningScarabbed · 31/10/2021 14:55

I grew up with bigger Christmas gatherings, too. The noise and bustle was fun as a child, but as an adult, I like smaller, quieter gatherings. I don't think a smaller gathering has to be any less enjoyable, though there likely is a calmer atmosphere, with fewer people in the house.

If you want more people, maybe you could invite others to join you. Another small family? Friends who don't have plans?

Original poster

Threebecomesfour · 31/10/2021 14:55

@HazelandChacha

I think rose tinted. I remember being squashed on the kids table, no elbow room, not enough room to play with the toys -if travelling then not able to take all my toys with me-things getting broken, the adults boringly talking away.

As an adult we had 17 one year, I thought it was fab but I was so stressed so I did drink rather a lot! Other Christmas days 7-12 but it’s always a case of kids not having enough room to play much, squabbles, it always being unfair because someone has to travel so leave their toys behind.

Last Christmas was actually lovely just being us!

I really should try and do a Christmas just the 4 of us. I bet we'd have a great time as you say. It's weird the stuff you get mum guilt about isn't it

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Notaroadrunner · 31/10/2021 14:56

For the past few years we've just had Christmas Day for ourselves - 5 of us. And now I wouldn't want it any other way. Growing up we would have had a couple of relatives extra in my family's house, but that would amount to 9 in total.

TheWholeWorld · 31/10/2021 14:56

We had 16 once. It was planned like a military operation and I don't think I relaxed until the majority had gone home at 10pm. Even though guests had brought specific things with them - wine, snacks, pudding and so on it still took ages to prepare - made all the Yorkshire's and potatoes the day before, got the veg ready.

The house was a wreck, took a day to clean, tidy, put all the spare chairs, crockery and so on away. Fortunately we were taking it in turns and by the time it was ours again lots of the original guests had petered out or moved out made other plans. 6 is a much more reasonable number.

WomanStanleyWoman · 31/10/2021 14:58

I think once you get into double figures, it’s officially a big Christmas! Whether it’s 10 or 20 doesn’t make that much difference in terms of atmosphere, I’d say - it’s still a big family occasion. The difference between five and ten would be way more pronounced.

I’m sure you’ll give your children lovely Christmases

Original poster

Threebecomesfour · 31/10/2021 14:58

@RunningScarabbed

I grew up with bigger Christmas gatherings, too. The noise and bustle was fun as a child, but as an adult, I like smaller, quieter gatherings. I don't think a smaller gathering has to be any less enjoyable, though there likely is a calmer atmosphere, with fewer people in the house.

If you want more people, maybe you could invite others to join you. Another small family? Friends who don't have plans?

Yeah I've always thought Xmas with friends too looks a lot of fun

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Theyellowflamingo · 31/10/2021 14:59

Our children’s Christmas Days will be smaller than mine - my parents had lots of siblings living close together. DH and I don’t. Kids will have a lovely time anyway- they don’t miss what they don’t know. I think as typical family size shrinks it’ll be more and more unusual for Christmas to be twenty odd people.

Original poster

Threebecomesfour · 31/10/2021 14:59

@WomanStanleyWoman

I think once you get into double figures, it’s officially a big Christmas! Whether it’s 10 or 20 doesn’t make that much difference in terms of atmosphere, I’d say - it’s still a big family occasion. The difference between five and ten would be way more pronounced.

I’m sure you’ll give your children lovely Christmases

Ahhh thank you.

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Original poster

Threebecomesfour · 31/10/2021 15:01

@Theyellowflamingo

Our children’s Christmas Days will be smaller than mine - my parents had lots of siblings living close together. DH and I don’t. Kids will have a lovely time anyway- they don’t miss what they don’t know. I think as typical family size shrinks it’ll be more and more unusual for Christmas to be twenty odd people.

I hadn't thought about that, such a good point.

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MooseBreath · 31/10/2021 15:03

I would happily host 20 (I come from a big family). That said, 10 is still a decent-sized gathering.

When we do Christmas with my side of the family, there are around 15 of us. When it's DH's family, there are 7. I do prefer the bigger group size, but it's what you make of it!

Nordicmom · 31/10/2021 15:08

We have nearly always had around 12 + with my parents and my moms nearest family and I have loved it . Not just our own family but not too huge to be manic and not cozy . I love it and this still happens in my own country when we visit but now I enjoy having Christmas by our own little family of 4 + dog and new addition of MIL who stays over. Other DH relatives we’ve been seeing on Boxing Day which suits me best then actual Christmas Day on our own terms and relaxed

kitcat15 · 31/10/2021 15:10

10 is plenty....we will be 9

dottiedodah · 31/10/2021 15:12

We had 6 one year and thought it was a lot! Honestly 10 people is absolutely fine . We have never had a meal at anyones house with so many only in a hotel or restaurant.

Crankley · 31/10/2021 15:16

These days I enjoy spending Christmas alone. Back in the 40s/50s when I was a child each Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing day was spent in our house or one of my Mother's five brothers and sisters' houses, plus husbands/wives and fifteen cousins.

The women would cook for the men and children and then the men would cook for the women. We danced, played games, played cards and then all find a matress to sleep on - not sure how we all fitted in the mostly three bed houses.