Expectations at Xmas

[Threebecomesfour]

Due to family issues on my husband's side, the likeliest big Christmases in our future will be 10 for Xmas lunch. AIBU to feel disappointed not only for me but for my children?! When I was younger I remember having Christmases with nearly 20 people and they are some of my happiest memories. Maybe it's rose-tinted glasses but I feel guilty my children won't experience the same. What counts as a big Christmas in your eyes?

I'm wondering how on earth you managed to get 20 people around one table OP!

I don't have any sympathy for your table of 10 either, if I'm not too blunt.

I feel much more sad for those people who don't have anyone to have Christmas Day with, especially since Covid hit.

Before then, a few of us put on a big Christmas day dinner, films and games after our church service - open to anyone in the area. They have genuinely been some of the best Christmas days I've ever had.

@DriftingBlue

The few times our family gatherings got as big as 20 as a kid, I always ended up feeling overwhelmed and left out, not surrounded by joy. 10 is a good size.

Yes! As a child I'd always find a book and go and find a quiet spot to hide. I hated all the noise, travel and chaos.

My mum likes to now talk about how great our big family Christmases were. As a child I never enjoyed them!

My ideal Xmas now is have a big lie in, then me DH and cat eat smoked salmon in our pjs while drinking champagne, watching films, and not leaving the house

No no no. 20 is at least 12 too many

As a child, you might have found it wonderful.
I pity your poor parents /mum slaving away cooking for 20.

Most I've ever done is 12 on half a dozen occasions, which normally required half a bottle of Baileys to get me thru the process

[quote shylatte]@Threebecomesfour now as an adult I realise it’s the traditions that mean the most. We were the dc that got £500 spent on us each but that one day seeing Santa (and there wasn’t even a present) will stay with me forever.[/quote]
I 100% agree on traditions. Absolutely the best bit!

Honestly, I couldn't hack having more than...5 at Christmas. Currently we have 3-4 (MIL, DH, my mum occasionally and me - we're TTC) and that is...enough. I think I'd cry if I had to host/stay with that many people for the whole day plus the cooking and the wrapping paper explosion...not for me! Honestly, 10 sounds like a good amount of people for a busy Christmas if that's what you're excited for.

10 is plenty. I have hosted more and hated it. Never again.

We’re regularly 9 or 10 depending on if my cousin has a boyfriend at the time and that’s sufficient to be honest.

I love Xmas

Friend of mine has 11 children. I say to her if her 11 children. Had 11 children. They could have 121 people for Xmas!

The biggest Christmas lunch I have ever been to in 60 years was 8 adults and 6 children and everyone vowed never again!
Big used to mean 6 or 7, but now the largest we have is 5.

I'd hate 20! We will be four. Me, exh, our son, one of my close friends. Wonderful.

We vary from 7 to 20 depending on the hosts. I love big Christmas dinners but enjoyed it as much last year when there was just 7 of us due to Covid.

I’d say double digits class as ‘big’.

We always did Christmas at home, I wanted to be home with the tree twinkling, turkey in the oven and spending time enjoying it with my own children watching them play with their toys. I could not imagine leaving everything behind and dragging them out to someone else's house.
We have hosted, either in the run up to Christmas or shortly after and that worked well.

@Nocutenamesleft

I love Xmas

Friend of mine has 11 children. I say to her if her 11 children. Had 11 children. They could have 121 people for Xmas!

Hahaha now THAT'S big 😆

"When I was younger I remember having Christmases with nearly 20 people and they are some of my happiest memories."

Sounds great from a child's perspective, but who did the prep, the cooking, and the clearing up? We'll be six possibly eight if DSS bring GFs, and that's the right amount for me. The day before xmas eve we always host a drop in between 4-7pm for festive fizz, I do some sort of fizzy cocktail, mini mince pies and mini veggie & sausage rolls. We get anywhere from 10 to 30 dropping in, but they don't all come at once and most stay for an hour, so best of both worlds, we get to see everyone but no sit down meal and the last of the stragglers are gone by 7.30 latest as DH waves tea towels and starts asking for help with washing up at 7.15!!

We've gone abroad for the last 20 years but prior to that, I did try it here. Mainly for my ds. I loved family Christmases growing up - they were miraculous. So I opted to entertain one year. I'm 1 of 4 and we're all super close so all partners and children at mine for the day. It was awful ! I'm a good cook but I'm a bit of a worrier and as a result, I just couldn't co- ordinate it all. My sisters still laugh to this day - they said it was like school dinners !
I remember we let the kids loose and we all watched a Victoria Wood video - still laughing ! Cheese n biscuits is fine for Christmas lunch 😋
Christmas in Tenerife is so much calmer.

10 for Christmas?????? only if you want to see a re-enactment of the great Christmas Family Massacre.

We've had 10 - my parents did 16 - dining table sat 12 and children had to sit on the bridge table with a table cloth on it with whatever chairs we could get.

I think it is just whatever makes you and your family / friends happy - we did 3 over covid and it was lovely. This year we are hoping for 5 or 6 but we shall see.

10 for Christmas is a huge amount. 20 is a fucking nightmare. I think you need to move away from this idea of two dozen of your nearest and dearest all round the table merrily enjoying Christmas - it's not like the movies for most people. And there are lots of us for whom spending the day with 19 members of our family would be a total nightmare.

of course rose tinted. You didn't have to cook and prep and clean for all those people, did you.

Usually, we have about 12, last year only 5 due to lockdown.

It was markedly less fun. I like all the chaos and noise.

Ten seems a lot to me! Surely with 20 it’s a huge amount of work cooking / cleaning etc, plus all that noise and mess and potential for drama. Ten is plenty for a jolly, busy Christmas imo.

90% of my Christmases were 3 of us, with a visit to my grandma and her partner for an hour or two in the afternoon. Now 4, with DH added in. Honestly, I love it - I have a friend whose family have 18 of them, and she seemed genuinely sad for me haha! Different strokes and all that.

10 is still a big Christmas though, with lots of family around. I'm sure you'll love it.

The biggest Christmas that I ever hosted was 21. I don’t have a huge house so it was a bit of a nightmare fitting tables in my living area for everyone to sit down and then moving them afterwards so there was room to sit. Also there is a lot of catering for that number, especially when some of them are picky eaters, vegetarians, don’t eat dairy etc.

I’m glad that recently it has only been 11 as I am disabled (my dd helps on the day) and find things so much harder to do. It’s actually down to 10 this year as my dh has passed away, which will also make this Christmas so much harder too, but I am determined to still continue having my family for lunch.