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AIBU?

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Original poster

Expectations at Xmas

154 replies

Threebecomesfour · 31/10/2021 14:44

Due to family issues on my husband's side, the likeliest big Christmases in our future will be 10 for Xmas lunch. AIBU to feel disappointed not only for me but for my children?! When I was younger I remember having Christmases with nearly 20 people and they are some of my happiest memories. Maybe it's rose-tinted glasses but I feel guilty my children won't experience the same. What counts as a big Christmas in your eyes?

OP posts:
Grapewrath · 31/10/2021 15:16

Honestly it’ll be rose tinted glasses.
I remember extended family Christmas dinner and they were awful on the whole. Lots of noise, drinking, being perched on an uncomfortable stool at the table due to lack of room. No room to play with my toys and having to fetch and carry for family members too

Chocolatewheatos · 31/10/2021 15:19

10 is a good amount of people. I bet the hosts of 20 people had a hellish christmas. We have 6 this year including DS. 10 would feel like alot.
If there were going to be 20 people in my house on any day I'd probably sneak out the window and get a hotel.

DramaAlpaca · 31/10/2021 15:19

Our Christmases are usually just the five of us and we like it that way, it's easy going and relaxed. We've had my parents here a couple of times and it's anything but, so we don't do it now. DC are now adults but with no partners yet, so I'm enjoying having them all home while it lasts. This year we'll have one extra, DS1's friend will be joining us as his family will be away, but that's fine as he just slots in as if he's an extra DC as we've known him for years.

I'm hoping in the future when my DC have partners and children they'll come to us for Christmas sometimes - I'd love to see what a huge family Christmas is like as I've never experienced it, even as a child. I imagine that as long as you all get on it would be great fun, but very stressful if you don't.

MildRose · 31/10/2021 15:22

20 people for lunch sounds horrendous to me!

But I do know what you mean. I grew up with lots of extended family nearby and we were always at big parties. It was all a bit glamorous. My parents had a big, old house and tonnes of friends and loved parties.

I am less sociable, and dh is even less sociable than I am! We don't have any family nearby and we only see friends every now and then. And we never have big parties! Just a few friends round for dinner etc.

It used to bother me a lot that my dcs would have the same experience that I did growing up. But they really aren't bothered. As long as the big man in red shows up with presents and we have a good dinner and a walk/scoot on new scooter or whatever, they're happy as Larry. We see some of dh family, but we don't all have dinner together as we just never have really! We meet, have drinks, Christmas cake etc and then go our separate ways.

FastnetLundyRockall · 31/10/2021 15:23

There's a reason my dining table seats 6 max Wink

cptartapp · 31/10/2021 15:24

My parents are dead, neither made 70, so we spend every Xmas now with PIL who drink warm Vimto Xmas day and whose last contribution to our Xmas lunch for ten, despite having lots of money, was two £1 cheesecakes from Morrison's.
My childhood Xmas were huge affairs with laughter, silliness, extravagance and fun.
Bitter? You bet.

Pumpkinsonparade · 31/10/2021 15:25

I have 8 dc for tea every week. Xmas day is just another Sunday dinner imo!!

starfishmummy · 31/10/2021 15:26

@Wormsarecool

Our biggest is 3! I wouldn’t want it any other way tbh!
Same here Worms.
VickyEadieofThigh · 31/10/2021 15:27

I would have hated that as a child and even more so now.

We had 3 family round for a meal this week - although it went well, the work before and after was exhausting.

northerngirl142947 · 31/10/2021 15:27

We always had Christmas at home apart from one year when we went to families and there were about 20 of us. It was the worst Christmas ever. Smaller the better for me

LadyCleathStuart · 31/10/2021 15:29

It was always just 4 of us, parents brother and I, every year at Christmas and I have the best Christmas memories.

Growing up we always went to my Grandparents at New Year and there was easy 20/30 people there whereas now we just stay home and don't do anything and that feels a bit sad so I kind of get what you mean.

WannaDanceDanceDanceDance · 31/10/2021 15:30

Generally there was just our immediate family for Christmas although we had a few Christmas' at cousins when we were very young. Our parents still had big enough houses to be able to host easily, something that is harder now.

What we used to have though, as we got older, is another family join us for Boxing Day and we used to go on a walk and have food together in the evening. That was my favourite part of Christmas generally.

Having said that, we'll be 11 for Christmas this year but thankfully I am not hosting. I imagine it will be a bit stressful but fun for the children.

Definitely rose tinted glasses when you don't have to do the planning, preparation and execution of Christmas.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 31/10/2021 15:30

10 is like 7 too many for me

Cooking is stressful enough! It will get too hot, Auntie Nellie Will have the tele blaring because she can't hear it, everyone will have to watch Doctor sodding Who even though no one likes it...it's a no from me!

Loyaultemelie · 31/10/2021 15:32

When i was a child I loved going to my Grandparents house and having a huge gathering. Our average pre Covid was 10-12 and I always loved cooking and hosting and the general busy chaos. The year before last I had experienced a life changing injury and not one person helped us because I was disabled just sat there expecting full service and I swore never again, next Yuletide would be different. Then Covid hit and it was just us 4 we honestly had the best time ever and the kids said right away let's do it this way next year even if Covid is away. I definitely won't go back to a huge one again.

lollipoprainbow · 31/10/2021 15:33

Your worried about only ten people ?! We only have 3!! Our last big family Christmas was in 2015 since then we have been hit with big family losses. I feel awful for my dd but what can you do ?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 31/10/2021 15:33

I’ve done 12, and that was OK, but plenty.
Unless you have loads of space for everyone to sit in comfort, IMO 20 would be a nightmare.

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 31/10/2021 15:40

My only real family is my sister and her 2 kids so we will never have a 'big' family Xmas. It's still fun though.

Nidan2Sandan · 31/10/2021 15:41

My biggest was 9 (we are a family of 5) and it was awful! Partly because all bar 1 of the guests were very lazy & expected to be waited on hand and foot. 1 was a teenager who picked up an entire plate of cured meats for the evening buffet and ate it all leaving none for anyone else (and my youngest daughter, 5 at the time loved the meats Sad )

Now we tend to be just the 5 of us and it's much better, more relaxed.

CokeZeroAddiction · 31/10/2021 15:48

Blimey. The most we will ever have is 8 of us and that’s plenty

viques · 31/10/2021 15:48

I think the telling phrase in the OPs post is “when I was younger”. So I guess the OP wasn’t the one planning and. shopping for a meal for 20 people ( pre home delivery too I assume) let alone prepping, cooking , serving, washing up and clearing up after a meal for 20 .

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 31/10/2021 15:49

We used to have 20 odd people for Christmas when I was a child. I loved it. I would now ideally spend it on my own with just my DC!

BoredZelda · 31/10/2021 15:52

Have you ever hosted Christmas for 20? I expect whoever did has a less rosy view of how wonderful it was.

PinkiOcelot · 31/10/2021 15:53

For the past 8 years or so it’s just been the 4 of us. I like it. It’s relaxing and chilled.
When I was at home it was always immediate family. We’ve never had a massive gathering.
Christmas is what you make it really isn’t it?

muddyford · 31/10/2021 15:53

Our last big family Christmas in 2019 was five of us. But growing up it was eight or ten which was fun. But family dynamics and distance between houses have changed so much we'll never go back to that.

Deadringer · 31/10/2021 15:54

I am from a huge family but prefer only ourselves (4 dc plus dh and me) for christmas dinner. I often have a get together for the wider family during the holidays though, just for drinks and nibbles. It's much easier and my dc enjoy it.