Breastfeeding in public

[Allthingsfloralandpatterned88]

So I'm sitting in the corner of a reasonably busy cafe with DS (3 months) and he starts wailing. I realise I am wearing a dress that isn't amazing for nursing as I have to hike my boob over the top as opposed to opening it at the side. But I do this and latch him on.

However DM who I am with starts shrieking "darling you can't do that" and trys to stop me. She then keeps trying to drape things over my boob and DS's head which means he then loses his latch and I get flustered.

She is great with DS and a big help but she has done this a few times before/ suggested I find a quiet room etc. Is this a generational thing? I've been quite happy feeding in public but she makes me feel like a kind of mad hippy! I now am starting to feel self conscious for feeding in public around her and its making me more anxious about feeding in public in general. I kind of feel as though I should stick to my guns because I don't feel like I should always have to leave the room/ try and find somewhere in private when I'm out and about. Early motherhood is hard enough as it is!

As soon as she starts to eat throw a blanket over her head. She’ll get the message. The most offensive tits are the ones complaining, not the ones nourishing a child.

it certainly is generational; i never ever saw a woman breastfeed when i was young, and it was done much less, even at home.
it wasn't fashionable then.
so it may be rather alarming for your mother, almost akin to exposing yourself.
but she really should make an effort to get over this.
and she must have noticed other women doing it, before you and baby.
she must not interfere in the process of feeding. that is quite wrong.
can you have a word with her, and say that you cannot allow anyone, even her, to disrupt your attention to your baby's needs.
you will always put his well-being first.
it is completely unacceptable for her to cause tension to you and baby.
if it is such a problem for her, then maybe she ought not to come out with you.
tell her that.
good luck to you and baby.

@IHateCoronavirus

As soon as she starts to eat throw a blanket over her head. She’ll get the message. The most offensive tits are the ones complaining, not the ones nourishing a child.

this sums up far more succinctly, what i was trying to say.

Tell her she’s mad as a box of frogs and if she keeps throwing things at you and baby whilst you’re trying to feed him, you are going to make a referral to her GP regarding concerns for her mental healt. Or start throwing things back at her.

I didn’t even breastfeed (couldn’t not wouldn’t) and I think she’s a loon. Don’t let her knock your confidence, you’re doing great.

DM always used to "disappear" when I was feeding my babies. Bloody annoying to always find myself alone!
She wasn't exactly against BFing, but a contributing reason to her never managing past a few weeks herself was that she'd prudishly shut herself away to do it as well as an attitude from MWs/ HVs of wondering why you'd even want to do something so base and animal when there's lovely clean, scientific formula avaliable instead. DM isn't a great one for updating attitudes since 1975 though.

The trouble is faffing around in the name of discretion usually attracts more attention than naturally getting on with it.

I fed my two for over a year each (public daytime feeds faded by then but we continued on to 13 & 20 months. I never had a negative comment. Some knowing smiles. Some funny oblivious moments liike the wedding photographer who started snapping away, and the lady who came up to DS feeding away in the sling and stoked his head presumably thinking he was asleep rather than latched on.

It really isn't a big deal and her faffing around is creating one out of nothing.

Thanks for the support all!

She really is very helpful in other ways and she supports me breastfeeding (which I've been thankfully lucky with). It's just this! I am going to be more assertive but also want to understand why!

Dd fed for 45minutes per side for ever. That’s 1.5 hours per feed. If I didn’t breastfeed in public, I wouldn’t have had a life.

A mother’s group friend always fed in the baby changing rooms but her dc fed for five minutes and was done and dusted.

I only ever had one comment from a lady in her eighties and she said that I brought ack memories.

I will say that I invested in a couple of breast feeding specific tops and I lived in them. I wore them everywhere so the whole hoiking a boob right out was avoided.

You obviously get on well which is great.

I would just talk to her tbh. She supports you bf but has this discomfort.

Just say thanks for support etc. Thing is if baby needs feeding then you need to feed. And covering up etc is a pita distracts baby etc. So where can you go and have a nice time where you can feed and she won't feel self conscious.

It's a middle ground thing not to get in a stand off with your mum who you have a good relationship with imo.

Not sure it's generational. My mum is in her 70s and the only comment she ever made about me breastfeeding in public was to say how proud she was of me to be so in self-conscious.

Covering up with a blanket or a muslin or whatever draws so much more attention than just getting on with it.

Argh. My MIL was like this. Keep feeding your baby whenever and wherever they need. Anyone who is offended is just silly.

No it’s not a generational thing. Both my DD and DDIL breast fed in public and I used to sit there proudly, at the ready to eyeball anyone who dared even glance at them strangely

You breast feed your baby, you know the chances of your baby needing a feed is high, so why wear a dress rather than something with easy access that allows the job to be done with the minimum of fuss.

I'm not sure it's generational either. My mum (coming up for 70) was always so supportive and always said she loved how relaxed I was about it. I used to do the food shop one armed, with DS latched on. Never bothered with covering up. Ever. People don't like it? Don't look.

Stick to your guns and please don't feel self-conscious.

@Jamallama

You breast feed your baby, you know the chances of your baby needing a feed is high, so why wear a dress rather than something with easy access that allows the job to be done with the minimum of fuss.

Have you ever experienced the brain fog of being a new mum? You have a million and one things to do before you can leave the house. Sometimes, when throwing on the nearest, vaguely clean item of clothing, it’s easy to forget to check boob-accessibility. Consider yourself eyeballed (see my last )

Yes it's generational. You crack on.

@Jamallama while I agree that dressing for easy access is a good idea, how is it not easy access just whip the top of your dress down and get your boob out?
I'd say it's actually easier than faffing about with maternity top up, or undertop down, then maternity bra unclipped, then clip it up etc....

My MIL was like this with my first. Stood in a cafe holding a giant muslin as a screen around me.

She got over it by my third…

I think it is a generational thing and also maybe people who haven't BF in public or seen others do so don't know how to handle it. My DH can be awkward about me feeding in public and often suggests going somewhere private. I am mostly comfortable feeding him out and about.

However I also agree with this:

You breast feed your baby, you know the chances of your baby needing a feed is high, so why wear a dress rather than something with easy access that allows the job to be done with the minimum of fuss.

I don't think it's necessary to show everything when you are feeding and I tend to wear a vest under t shirts so that I can feed discreetly.

In a way I am not surprised your DM was embarrassed if you had your breast out over your dress and often wonder why women don't wear BF friendly clothing!

@PinkSkiesAtNight I may be starting something here but personally I don't think we should be showing our breasts in public just because we can. It is entirely possible to feed a baby without doing so.

Tell her that if she interferes again with trying to cover you up whilst feeding

That you’ll throw a blanket over her when she’s having a drink or eating. Which would be most unpleasant and that’s exactly what she’s doing to you

Times have changed thankfully for the better

I think it probably depends on the generation - my gran doesn't bat an eyelid at me breastfeeding my toddler in front of her but she's 88 and formula was still rare and expensive when she had her DC so all her friends breastfed (she couldn't and my grandad had to do a special journey to buy formula).

Yogaandcocoa If you are small breasted like me, popping a breast out over the top of a dress/low cut top can be a lot easier than one up, one down. Both my DC would fuss if they got fabric on their faces.

@Holly60 yes.

@Yogaandcocoa

I think it is a generational thing and also maybe people who haven't BF in public or seen others do so don't know how to handle it. My DH can be awkward about me feeding in public and often suggests going somewhere private. I am mostly comfortable feeding him out and about.

However I also agree with this:

You breast feed your baby, you know the chances of your baby needing a feed is high, so why wear a dress rather than something with easy access that allows the job to be done with the minimum of fuss.

I don't think it's necessary to show everything when you are feeding and I tend to wear a vest under t shirts so that I can feed discreetly.

In a way I am not surprised your DM was embarrassed if you had your breast out over your dress and often wonder why women don't wear BF friendly clothing!

Yes I also agree with this

I breastfed all my 3 - including a set of twins.

It is generational though - my mother used to keep asking me if I'd got my "milk stamps" through yet 🤔 apparently in the 80s everyone used to get stamps for free formulae milk - probably why breastfeeding rates were so low for that generation

If I'd have breastfed, my mum would have been the same. She's 70.

I remember once her being absolutely shocked that, while out with brother and his family, my niece needed a nappy change. My brother took her off to do it instead of his partner. Apparently it's the mums job 🙄🙄

I think it's a generational thing.

@Jamallama maternity wear is a nightmare. I hated all the clips, they made nursing more difficult IMO. I just yank my normal top down, and the boob is hidden by baby’s head.