Breastfeeding in public

[Allthingsfloralandpatterned88]

So I'm sitting in the corner of a reasonably busy cafe with DS (3 months) and he starts wailing. I realise I am wearing a dress that isn't amazing for nursing as I have to hike my boob over the top as opposed to opening it at the side. But I do this and latch him on.

However DM who I am with starts shrieking "darling you can't do that" and trys to stop me. She then keeps trying to drape things over my boob and DS's head which means he then loses his latch and I get flustered.

She is great with DS and a big help but she has done this a few times before/ suggested I find a quiet room etc. Is this a generational thing? I've been quite happy feeding in public but she makes me feel like a kind of mad hippy! I now am starting to feel self conscious for feeding in public around her and its making me more anxious about feeding in public in general. I kind of feel as though I should stick to my guns because I don't feel like I should always have to leave the room/ try and find somewhere in private when I'm out and about. Early motherhood is hard enough as it is!

Definitely a generational thing, they'd have never ever breastfeed in public.
They probably rushed to the shops in between each feed and rushed home again x

@Pyewackect

Mine were bottle fed. Much easier. Restaurants and cafes were happy to warm it for me and you could hand junior to some else while you enjoyed your coffee. And they all grew up to be happy and healthy kids before the breastazi chip in.

My son was formula fed and my newborn will be, too.

Yesterday, I cleaned out and sterilised the Perfect Prep machine, washed and sterilised all the bottles, after cleaning and sterilising the bloody steriliser.

Can I ask how this is easier than breastfeeding?

Also Explain to her that things are different now you can breast feed in public, it is not frowned upon anymore. Do this before your next trip out together.
You like to know reasons why maybe she will feel better knowing why. X

I'd say not generational. I imagine I'm of your mum's generation and fed my two everywhere without covering up. Never got a single comment from anyone, anywhere.

@Pyewackect

Mine were bottle fed. Much easier. Restaurants and cafes were happy to warm it for me and you could hand junior to some else while you enjoyed your coffee. And they all grew up to be happy and healthy kids before the breastazi chip in.

But this isn't an argument about formula vs breast, so don't try and start a fight

Some people are just so weird about breasts. I've breastfed two to nearly 2yrs old, feeding anywhere and everywhere. I chose to wear clothes designed for BFing or a vest under any other top so show the minimum amount of skin because that's how I dress in general anyway. I don't wear low cut tops by choice and so when in your situation I've popped my breast over the top of the dress but chosen to use a muslin or similar to cover my shoulder and upper chest (but not baby's head). Because that's how I'm comfortable. It's an option. But it's all about choice.

The judgment around breastfeeding needs to stop. If you don't like the sight don't look. Baby's needs trumps other people's insistence to see breasts only as sexualised entities.

My mum was exactly the same!

You are most definitely right to tell her to back off when you're doing nothing wrong- just feeding your child.

Not so much a generational thing as breastfeeding was common in the mid to late 80s when I guess a reasonable number of new mums were born. OTOH, people didn’t go out so much, there was less of the cafe culture, so breastfeeding in public was rarer.

A controversial viewpoint here l’m sure.

I’m early 40s and still go topless at the beach when l can.

Only when it is considered the norm for us to be on par with men and for the breast to be uncovered in public pools and beaches will the draconian attitude about breast feeding be banished. It will also put pay to school boy sniggers!

Quite how we get there though, l don’t know.

Definitely not a generation thing, none of my family would care if I did that. Just say to her “I’m about to breastfeed and I know you find it embarrassing so you might want to look away or go elsewhere” next time. It’s her problem not yours.

I am just wondering whether OP's DM only felt that way because it was her DD (and had a misplaced motherly concern) or she thinks that nobody should be doing it.
Would she have been as bothered if it was a stranger in the cafe?

Maybe it wasn't so much the feeding and more about your clothes not allowing you to do it discreetly. Most people don't bat an eye at women discreetly feeding in public but it's still not normal to see someone whip a whole boob out over a dress and a lot of people would do a double take.

YANBU

Times have changed, people need to get over the reality of breastfeeding.

Better than what happened to me with DC1 - I was at a bus stop wearing a tight sweater dress and he was starving, so had to pull the whole thing up to feed him

apparently in the 80s everyone used to get stamps for free formulae milk
Not everyone. I had all mine in the 80s and have never heard of this.

@MilduraS

Maybe it wasn't so much the feeding and more about your clothes not allowing you to do it discreetly. Most people don't bat an eye at women discreetly feeding in public but it's still not normal to see someone whip a whole boob out over a dress and a lot of people would do a double take.

Go to any nightclub on a Saturday night and there'll be ample boobage on display. I never get how women can wander around with the skimpiest of tops on for a night out yet someone breast feeding is commented on.

It's not a generational thing, my mum breastfed all of us and she's nearly 70, she doesn't say anything when I feed. Your mum is being ridiculous you don't need to hide away to feed and nor should you. I'm on my third child who is 6 months old, I've always just fed wherever I happened to be. I have breastfed in a dress in church awaiting the bride arriving (far better than a screaming baby!). If I'm wearing something that isn't very breastfeeding friendly I carry a thin scarf. It's not to cover the babies head, I absolutely do not cover their head I just use it on me, so I drape it around me and over the bit of boob I have out, or I'll turn my cardigan back to front and use that. I'd always feed a hungry baby, but I don't full on get my boobs out either, even when I'm wearing something that you can't feed in easily.

Generally speaking I wear a vest top with a jumper over the top, you pull the vest top down and jumper up, you literally can't see anything. I was in a cafe feeding the other day and an elderly lady asked me if he was sleeping and I replied no he's feeding, she had no idea.

Winter is your friend here. wear baggy sweatshirts and hoik them up rather than down, it works really well.

25 years ago i breastfed everywhere, i didn't ask i didn't do the demonstrative flopping out the whole boob thing either, i just pulled up my clothes, unfastened the bra and got on with it. And nowhere (UK, NL, or Germany) did many people bat an eyelid. And those that did were usually older women giving me a thumbs up.

But you do have to remember not to wear dresses unless they have an opening.

I never get how women can wander around with the skimpiest of tops on for a night out yet someone breast feeding is commented on.

Boobs on display for men's sexual pleasure is fine. Feeding babies distracts from that so isn't fine.

OTOH, people didn’t go out so much, there was less of the cafe culture, so breastfeeding in public was rarer

I completely agree with this. I also don't know why people think the 80s was an era of bottle feeding. It really wasn't. I had to for medical reasons but I was the only one amongst my friends who did. There was also a vibe at the hospital of making you feel bad about it too.

For me it does seem mostly generational. My DM used to spend a lot of them trying to convince me to cover baby up, or would choose really awkward places to sit, she didn’t want to feed in public because she was concerned that random men would take photos. She would consider all the directions we could be see from just Incase there was someone with a camera phone.

Frankly I didn’t care, the alternative to not feeding was a screaming baby.

Also everyone having a go at OP about what she wears, breastfeeding dresses are so expensive! A V-neck dress works just fine.

I really don’t know if it’s generational. My mum is in her 60s, and when DS was born she gave me the confidence to breastfeed in public, telling me she did the same when I was a baby and that if your baby is hungry, you simply have to respond.

Also everyone having a go at OP about what she wears, breastfeeding dresses are so expensive! A V-neck dress works just fine

They’re also very unstylish and often unflattering! There needs to be a market for nice nursing clothes!

I never get how women can wander around with the skimpiest of tops on for a night out yet someone breast feeding is commented on

Many of the people who might complain about seeing a woman's breasts in a cafe over breakfast probably wouldn't be on a "night out" in those places.

People don't like to hear it but not everyone wants to see your breasts.

Ultimately feed your baby if you have to but you can still have consideration for others may be comfortable with too.

Ultimately feed your baby if you have to but you can still have consideration for others may be comfortable with too.

If they're uncomfortable they can turn their head away. Radical I know. HTH.