Breastfeeding in public

[Allthingsfloralandpatterned88]

So I'm sitting in the corner of a reasonably busy cafe with DS (3 months) and he starts wailing. I realise I am wearing a dress that isn't amazing for nursing as I have to hike my boob over the top as opposed to opening it at the side. But I do this and latch him on.

However DM who I am with starts shrieking "darling you can't do that" and trys to stop me. She then keeps trying to drape things over my boob and DS's head which means he then loses his latch and I get flustered.

She is great with DS and a big help but she has done this a few times before/ suggested I find a quiet room etc. Is this a generational thing? I've been quite happy feeding in public but she makes me feel like a kind of mad hippy! I now am starting to feel self conscious for feeding in public around her and its making me more anxious about feeding in public in general. I kind of feel as though I should stick to my guns because I don't feel like I should always have to leave the room/ try and find somewhere in private when I'm out and about. Early motherhood is hard enough as it is!

Oh god. We're only on page 2 and ALREADY we've had "wear clothing for minimum fuss", "feed discreetly" "performance breastfeeders", "exhibitionist about having their nipple on show" and the ever predictable (but usually not this early in the thread) "breastazi"

Come ON people, surely this is not STILL the attitude?!

@alexdgr8. It’s not generational! It’s just OP’s dm.
I had ds in 1984 and most of my mum friends ebf just like me. We fed wherever and whenever our babies needed .
My dsil who is over 10 years younger bottle fed because she didn’t want to bf.
My mil didn’t approve of bf my dm did and had ebf all of us and was a midwife too.
Personally I think some people are just narrow minded whatever generation.

My mum is the same. She’d ask waitresses for tables facing the wall in case DD needed feeding 🙄

The purpose of the female breast is to feed children. There is nothing remotely wrong with feeding a child. Likewise there is nothing wrong with the sight of a breast.

The more babies that are fed in public the more this message will be delivered. 🌸

I can't believe people are saying about your outfit. I've never changed my style clothes when bf either of my children. 99% of my clothes I can feed in even if it means FOO like op!

Please op don't let anyone feel like anything about the situation you described was wrong. Your clothes were fine, getting your boob out to feed your baby was fine, sitting in a restaurant and feeding baby was fine. If baby fussed that's fine. All these are normal.

Your mother putting a napkin over baby is not. Imagine the reaction if you covered baby's face when they slept or played. You just wouldn't, so why do they need to be covered when feeding.

I currently breastfeed and couldn't give a shit who sees my boobs/nipples. If my baby is hungry I'm feeding her wherever I am!! And yeah I am one of 'those' who just whips a boob out without covering up etc. The people who care don't need to look do they!?

@Oblomov21

Why did you wear such an inappropriate dress?

I've actually noticed in cafes and places recently that Some women seem quite exhibitionist about having their nipple on show for quite some time before baby latches on. It's got quite a 'I'm going to go this and you can't stop me' whiff.

Years ago, i only needed to bf in public a few times with Ds1 and Ds2 and I was discreet enough for there to be no drama.

@Oblomov21

I'm so confused about this comment. Would the milk not be dripping everywhere if they just whipped a titty out and sat with it on display for ages? 😂😂

Can’t see.why it would involve spending a lot of money unless you normally wear dresses - the sort of dresses that aren’t flexible enough to pull down so you’d have to take them right off.

I don't think it's generational either, MIL and FIL have never batted an eyelid. MIL's mum (can't see too good now) said 'are you feeding the baby? Oh how lovely' and got all misty eyed!

@Charlene1971
And they’re just sat there, with a screaming baby and dripping boob simply to see how many people will look their way.

The idea of you both throwing blankets over each other's head in a cafe with boobs swinging around is quite a funny picture...

I remember my grandmother telling me proudly how she managed to avoid ever feeding in public (bf in 1950s) she fed to schedule rather than on demand and timed her trips out exactly to avoid needing to feed when out.

Personally I avoided having to hoik a full tit out because mine are very large and I got funny looks, but it wouldn't bother me at all that someone else was feeding. The baby's head covers most of your boob anyway.

Is it possible it was coming from a place of protecting you in a way?
Not wanting strangers to be seeing their daughter’s breasts (if even for a second) .

[quote StayOrGoOrWhat]@Charlene1971
And they’re just sat there, with a screaming baby and dripping boob simply to see how many people will look their way.[/quote]
@StayOrGoOrWhat

I can just picture it! 😂 I think @Oblomov21 might have been massively exaggerating for dramatic effect.

Breastfeeding mothers just have to be the enemy for some reason or other 🙄

Fucking exhibitionist Mary, performance breastfeeding the baby Jesus. Shameful. Why didn't she wear a vest under her dress?

Anyway OP the only person drawing attention to anything was your mum. The thing about breastfeeding is that there's a baby's head blocking the view of the breast. If you're seeing nipple then you're really craning for a good look while the baby latches.

Baby Jesus doesn’t look all that bothered about having the feed TBF. And why is he naked?

Baby Jesus' left hand is on its way to start twiddling the other nipple to make Mary's milk soak her clothes, although she's probably soaked with wee anyway. Once he's done that he'll start doing downward facing dog while grinning.

I breastfed regularly in public - discreetly - and very rarely got a second glance. This was in the 1980s. It’s not a generational thing, except in the sense that people get far more bothered by it now. Almost everything to do with having children nowadays seems to have become ridiculously complicated and subject to rigid sets of rules and behaviours.

It’s great that you breastfeed in public and your DM needs to get over it.
It will just be drawing more attention to you if she keeps flapping around.

I breastfed for 3 months but avoided it in public because I didn’t feel comfortable - DS was really bad at latching and would flail around and cry. I would probably have been accused of being an exhibitionist by some on this thread if I attempted it.

Why does anyone even care if a nipple is out for a few more seconds than required? Its a fucking nipple. Men walk about with both theirs on show all bloody summer. They're just little bumps on your skin, they're not smelly or dirty. Far nicer than feet and people have those out all the time!

Yes its generational. My mum fed us all to 9m, which was unusual back in the 80s, but back then it was different, people fed 3 or even 4 hourly, and once food was started were "dropping" feeds to only about be feeding about 3 or 4 times in 24h, I'm fairly sure they stopped at 9m because their milk supply vanished!! My mum was always quietly disapproving of feeding openly when out but I didnt give two shits. I always wore bf dresses and tops for the whole first year with both of mine.

I've never had any shitty comments from people in public. I do cover myself up if there are lots of people about though,but that's what I feel comfortable with and you should do what is comfortable for you.

I think it is a baby boomer generation thing more than the previous generation. My Nan never batted an eyelid when I fed my kids and it was always the much older ladies that would chat to me while doing it in public. My mum only bf me out of my siblings, and I think it was fairly unusual when I was younger, so it's just a case of not being used to seeing it when they had young children.

My mum was the same, she was always trying to put hats on dd when I whipped one out, or tell me to go to a toilet and do it
I just rolled my eyes and explained that breastfeeding in public is legally protected so she was breaking the law. It was mildly annoying but she meant well.

I think it’s generational. My mum is extremely weird about breastfeeding - she even took dh to one side and told him to encourage me to bottle feed . I don’t think it was the done thing in the 70’s and 80’s.

I dislike the implication that it is a generational thing. I'm 62 and think your mum is being ridiculous.

My mum was in her mid 60’s when i had my dd. She is late 70’s now. When i would bf in a café with my mum there she was ready for a fight with anyone who questioned it. Nobody every did.

If wearing a tshirt or something similar, i would wear one of the stretchy fabric belly covers for pregnancy. Like a boob tube over your tummy. The ones that create more fabric between top and bottom. I cannot remember what they are called. That would cover my belly while i lifted my top. I always felt more covered then.