Page 2 | Breastfeeding in public

Allthingsfloralandpatterned88 · 2021-10-31T02:52:47+00:00

So I'm sitting in the corner of a reasonably busy cafe with DS (3 months) and he starts wailing. I realise I am wearing a dress that isn't amazing for nursing as I have to hike my boob over the top as opposed to opening it at the side. But I do this and latch him on. However DM who I am with starts shrieking "darling you can't do that" and trys to stop me. She then keeps trying to drape things over my boob and DS's head which means he then loses his latch and I get flustered. She is great with DS and a big help but she has done this a few times before/ suggested I find a quiet room etc. Is this a generational thing? I've been quite happy feeding in public but she makes me feel like a kind of mad hippy! I now am starting to feel self conscious for feeding in public around her and its making me more anxious about feeding in public in general. I kind of feel as though I should stick to my guns because I don't feel like I should always have to leave the room/ try and find somewhere in private when I'm out and about. Early motherhood is hard enough as it is!

PinkSkiesAtNight · 31/10/2021 06:40

@Yogaandcocao
It is feeding a baby, not swinging your boobs about for all to see. If you get the baby in position, nobody has any chance of seeing anything other than a brief second or two of nipple before the baby latches on.

MajesticallyAwkward · 31/10/2021 06:45

@Yogaandcocoa

I think it is a generational thing and also maybe people who haven't BF in public or seen others do so don't know how to handle it. My DH can be awkward about me feeding in public and often suggests going somewhere private. I am mostly comfortable feeding him out and about.

However I also agree with this:

You breast feed your baby, you know the chances of your baby needing a feed is high, so why wear a dress rather than something with easy access that allows the job to be done with the minimum of fuss.

I don't think it's necessary to show everything when you are feeding and I tend to wear a vest under t shirts so that I can feed discreetly.

In a way I am not surprised your DM was embarrassed if you had your breast out over your dress and often wonder why women don't wear BF friendly clothing!

If a boob can be accessed it's bf friendly clothing.

Stop tearing other women down.

NeverTheHootenanny · 31/10/2021 06:46

PILs were like this, visibly awkward whenever I fed DD in front of them or in public, particularly when she was a toddler. They were forever suggesting ‘more comfortable’ places for me to sit or trying to drape things over my shoulder. My favourite time was in a restaurant when DD was one, MIL threw a napkin over her head and DD threw it back.

I have DS now who is also breastfed but have yet to feed him in front of them so no idea if they have the same attitude or if they’ve gotten over it.

It’s weird though because MIL said she breastfed both of her children for at least 6 months. I’ve no idea how she did that when she’s so mortified by the whole thing. Perhaps she never left the house.

Not sure it’s a generational thing either, my own parents are the same age and couldn’t be more relaxed about it.

Pyewackect · 31/10/2021 06:48

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/10/2021 06:53

I know many 70yr olds who wouldn’t bat an eye- it’s an, I fed my baby a bottle thing, and they come in all ages. Ignore!!!

sandgrown · 31/10/2021 06:55

People should be able to feed where and when they want but there are definitely some “performance “ breast feeders who let it all hang out . They sit there with a challenge me if you dare face and I do understand it makes some people feel uncomfortable.

MRex · 31/10/2021 06:56

Tell her to stop throwing stuff and carry on as you are; a clear and calm "please don't throw things at me and the baby" should be clear enough. My parents never quite got comfortable with breastfeeding, but as that's their problem not mine I just let them get on with it and they could wander off for a bit or whatever they wanted to do. PIL were very comfortable and are the same age, so it's an individual rather than age thing.

Twist front dresses are nice for breastfeeding, the side stays covered and baby's head covers the rest. Don't be too keen to say you don't want a cover though, from about 4-9 months DS was much too distracted by noises and whipping around on the boob, so you might need one then to help the baby settle. After that he was mostly only feeding at nap and bedtime, or an occasional injury comfort feed, so then it could be ditched again.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/10/2021 06:56

@sandgrown

People should be able to feed where and when they want but there are definitely some “performance “ breast feeders who let it all hang out . They sit there with a challenge me if you dare face and I do understand it makes some people feel uncomfortable.

Oh perlease no one performance breastfeeds- they are just feeding. Just because they aren’t cowering in a corner you dare to label them.

TheKeatingFive · 31/10/2021 06:57

Mine were bottle fed. Much easier. Restaurants and cafes were happy to warm it for me and you could hand junior to some else while you enjoyed your coffee. And they all grew up to be happy and healthy kids before the breastazi chipin.

So what's your point? Women shouldn't bf because it's easier to bottle feed in a cafe? 😵‍💫

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/10/2021 06:58

@Pyewackect

Mine were bottle fed. Much easier. Restaurants and cafes were happy to warm it for me and you could hand junior to some else while you enjoyed your coffee. And they all grew up to be happy and healthy kids before the breastazi chip in.

And the Most irrelevant comment award goes to…!

CecilyP · 31/10/2021 07:00

It is generational though - my mother used to keep asking me if I'd got my "milk stamps" through yet 🤔 apparently in the 80s everyone used to get stamps for free formulae milk - probably why breastfeeding rates were so low for that generation

No, everyone didn’t get milk stamps in the 80’s, only families on income support. They could also be used to buy a normal pint of milk a day if you had a child under 5. While breastfeeding had practically died out in the late 60’s and 70’s, it had definitely returned by the 80’s.

I too experienced brain fog with a new born but not so severe that I forgot to wear something that would allow access for breastfeeding. Just normal separates really.

MajorCarolDanvers · 31/10/2021 07:01

It's your DM.

The only comments I had off older women were words of encouragement and congratulations.

Charlene1971 · 31/10/2021 07:04

@Jamallama

You breast feed your baby, you know the chances of your baby needing a feed is high, so why wear a dress rather than something with easy access that allows the job to be done with the minimum of fuss.

@jamallama

Jaysus, there's always one who has to find SOMETHING wrong, even when the OP has done nothing wrong 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

MajorCarolDanvers · 31/10/2021 07:04

@Pyewackect

Mine were bottle fed. Much easier. Restaurants and cafes were happy to warm it for me and you could hand junior to some else while you enjoyed your coffee. And they all grew up to be happy and healthy kids before the breastazi chip in.

Oh I couldn't be bothered with the faff of bottles.

Sterilising, making them up, warming them up, paying them - what a hassle.

Far easier to just pack my boobs and go.

StayOrGoOrWhat · 31/10/2021 07:05

@Pyewackect

Mine were bottle fed. Much easier. Restaurants and cafes were happy to warm it for me and you could hand junior to some else while you enjoyed your coffee. And they all grew up to be happy and healthy kids before the breastazi chip in.

Easier than what? Not having to pack up supplies, sterilise bottles and warm milk before feeding your baby? I mean, glad this worked for you but the OP wasn’t asking whether she should switch to formula.

MRex · 31/10/2021 07:05

@sandgrown

People should be able to feed where and when they want but there are definitely some “performance “ breast feeders who let it all hang out . They sit there with a challenge me if you dare face and I do understand it makes some people feel uncomfortable.

Sounds like you aren't very good at reading facial expressions. I've seen women relaxed and feeding nicely, as well as those struggling to get baby to latch where they look a bit frazzled by the end; I've never seen anyone waving a boob around for fun. Well, not in a breastfeeding situation!

What's nice to do when you see someone breastfeeding, is to take over a glass of water if mum doesn't have one and staff aren't already doing it. In a couple of places I took DS that was just standard waitress behaviour, one waitress always brought me a biscuit too; they still get my custom now.

IHateCoronavirus · 31/10/2021 07:06

@Pyewackect

Mine were bottle fed. Much easier. Restaurants and cafes were happy to warm it for me and you could hand junior to some else while you enjoyed your coffee. And they all grew up to be happy and healthy kids before the breastazi chip in.

Did the op ask about bottle feeding as a was to avoid flashing her ‘shameful’ breasts?

I’m not sure faffing about with getting the right quantity of bottles cleaned, sterilised, filled, and put in a big clunky bag is much easier than simply whipping out a nipple.

Guess what, you don’t even need to ask someone to warm it for you it is good to go whenever your baby wants it, and if you decide to stay out longer because you are having such a lovely time, you can because you haven’t got to worry about running out of milk.

The op is doing a fantastic job of something that isn’t always that easy, and as a few posters have shown is often loaded with judgement.

You have everything to be proud of op congratulations on your baby

Oblomov21 · 31/10/2021 07:07

Why did you wear such an inappropriate dress?

I've actually noticed in cafes and places recently that Some women seem quite exhibitionist about having their nipple on show for quite some time before baby latches on. It's got quite a 'I'm going to go this and you can't stop me' whiff.

Years ago, i only needed to bf in public a few times with Ds1 and Ds2 and I was discreet enough for there to be no drama.

SecondUsername · 31/10/2021 07:07

It’s Great you feel comfortable feeding in public -carry on!

My own MIL and DM were supportive of breastfeeding. As long as baby was fed and happy they didn’t care. I just did it as discretely as possible, but as others have said muslins draped over etc make it more faffy & my babies used to rip them off once they were older anyway.

Love the suggestions about throwing a napkin over MIL when she’s eating

AlmostAlwyn · 31/10/2021 07:08

@Pyewackect

Mine were bottle fed. Much easier. Restaurants and cafes were happy to warm it for me and you could hand junior to some else while you enjoyed your coffee. And they all grew up to be happy and healthy kids before the breastazi chip in.

Nice try

SecondUsername · 31/10/2021 07:09

Sorry - throwing napkin over DM not MIL

Flowerflumps · 31/10/2021 07:11

Good for you! Your baby needed feeding and thats exactly what you did. Your mother created a scene and drew attention by interfering because of her own feelings. You did nothing wrong.

StayOrGoOrWhat · 31/10/2021 07:12

@Oblomov21

Why did you wear such an inappropriate dress?

I've actually noticed in cafes and places recently that Some women seem quite exhibitionist about having their nipple on show for quite some time before baby latches on. It's got quite a 'I'm going to go this and you can't stop me' whiff.

Years ago, i only needed to bf in public a few times with Ds1 and Ds2 and I was discreet enough for there to be no drama.

So, you’ve seen women take their top off and simply sit, topless, for a while, doing nothing at all just to be ‘exhibitionist’ about it? Wow! You must be really watching those breastfeeding ladies closely! Never seen this.

I’m glad to hear you managed to be so discreet though, wouldn’t want people to see that your baby is feeding. Gosh, the horror.

ChikiTIKI · 31/10/2021 07:15

I breastfed my 2 children and am expecting a third. While some people say you shouldn't have worn that dress.... I actually think why not. For my last two I basically had a breastfeeding uniform made up of a handful of outfits for discretely feeding my kids. Why should I have to either wear the same 4 tops or spend a load of money on new stuff.

Charlene1971 · 31/10/2021 07:16

Why are we as women taught to be ashamed of our bodies? Men walk around in changing rooms with everything on display, nobody bats an eyelid. The women's changing room is very different, and we're trying to cover ourselves up because there's a sense of shame when it comes to our bodies.

If I man were to strip at a party majority of people would laugh, but if a woman done it the majority of people would feel very uncomfortable. Why?

Your breasts are there to feed and nourish your baby, I'm so glad that you're not ashamed of your body, good for you! ❤ I feel sorry for your mother that she feels the way she does, society has made her this way. But she does need a reality check, I'm afraid 😬