Breastfeeding in public

[Allthingsfloralandpatterned88]

So I'm sitting in the corner of a reasonably busy cafe with DS (3 months) and he starts wailing. I realise I am wearing a dress that isn't amazing for nursing as I have to hike my boob over the top as opposed to opening it at the side. But I do this and latch him on.

However DM who I am with starts shrieking "darling you can't do that" and trys to stop me. She then keeps trying to drape things over my boob and DS's head which means he then loses his latch and I get flustered.

She is great with DS and a big help but she has done this a few times before/ suggested I find a quiet room etc. Is this a generational thing? I've been quite happy feeding in public but she makes me feel like a kind of mad hippy! I now am starting to feel self conscious for feeding in public around her and its making me more anxious about feeding in public in general. I kind of feel as though I should stick to my guns because I don't feel like I should always have to leave the room/ try and find somewhere in private when I'm out and about. Early motherhood is hard enough as it is!

@hotmeatymilk

Why do some of you have an issue with others wanting BFing mums to be discreet? Is it a feminist thing? Is it genuinely that difficult for you? To answer your questions in order: My issue is that breastfeeding is for the benefit of babies and children, and anyone who has a problem with seeing it can solve that issue easily by looking away, versus the difficulties many of us have described on this thread. Breasts are for feeding, babies need to be fed (it’s pretty much vital), “discreet” doesn’t need to come into it.

Is it a feminist thing? Yes. But you can also not be a feminist and breastfeed! Or be a feminist ally and breastfeed! Feminism and breastfeeding are great, but you don’t have to do both or either. You can look away! (Though looking away from feminism is weird imo.)

Is it genuinely that difficult? Yes. But crucially, even if it were easy, I don’t think “being discreet” should be on any breastfeeding parent’s mind: they’re feeding a kid! Why not also let them chat to a friend, eat some cake, read a book, scroll on MN, fucking HYDRATE, instead of one-handedly faffing with muslins and buttons and covers and fussy babies?

My question back to you: why do you think women should prioritise your comfort (a want, easily resolved by not looking) over their breastfeeding (a need, not easily resolved by not doing it)?

I think I love you.

@StarlightLady

Men have nipples, but for some reason they are OK to be seen but because women’s nipples are usually larger and on a small mound they must be hidden because they might offend? 🤦‍♀️

Views like this make me want to walk down my local high street in just my knickers! Unfortunately it’s rather chilly.

We have boobs, you can see the outline of them through our clothes. Uncovered, they are flesh coloured. And the offensive aspect of this is... ?

They jiggle

@Somethingsnappy I am not asking anyone to prioritise MY comfort. I am clearly one of the few BFing mums who considers other whilst also feeding their child!

And I don't find it difficult to feed without getting my breast out fully. We've discussed some instances where it might be more difficult but for many it's just lack of thought.

@StarlightLady I don't really want to sit in a cafe looking at topless men either tbh.

[quote Yogaandcocoa]@Somethingsnappy I am not asking anyone to prioritise MY comfort. I am clearly one of the few BFing mums who considers other whilst also feeding their child!

And I don't find it difficult to feed without getting my breast out fully. We've discussed some instances where it might be more difficult but for many it's just lack of thought.[/quote]
Not a lack of thought; rather, the mother's thoughts are directed entirely at her baby, just as it should be.

P. S. Good for you that you managed to feed without 'getting your breast out fully'. Not always the case for everyone. You are displaying a lack of thought of your own on this...

I didn't get any negativity whilst breastfeeding. I think anyone who gets upset by it has real issues and I feel sorry for them.

I dont see why women need to be discreet, it's hard enough sometimes. Just crack on and do what they're designed for.

@hotmeatymilk

I thought it's normal to pull your baby close. Do you take your ready out, then go and get your baby from the pram after? Yes, I prance around tit out to collect the baby – sometimes I even forget the baby or why I’m exposed.

Or… stuffing a comically small DD up against boobs that were 32E before milk then trying to wangle one out discreetly would be a laughable endeavour – that’s a lot of mammary.

Do none of you anti-normal-breastfeeding posters remember having to learn breastfeeding and teach the baby? No one had to do the thing of squeezing down their boob into a “sandwich” and then flipping it up into the baby’s mouth? Readjusting latch because you got it wrong and staying latched would risk nipple blisters? Baby pulling away because of aggressive letdown – or a blister bursting and the backed-up milk spraying out? Needing to massage a lump? Having to feed rugby ball style for a bit because of a lump? Getting an angry hungry baby out of the sling too late (never did master feeding in the sling) so it won’t do the close maternal nestle/convenient boob cover-up thing? Went to feed from one side before realising you’re completely lopsided and your neglected tit is either going to soak the place or needs feeding from, stat?

I generally nestled DD in the crook of my arm but sometimes, SHOCKINGLY, some 25% of boob was exposed for up to 15 seconds. In a cafe! With people! With their eyes!

I'm actually impressed that you and others felt comfortable enough to get your breasts out before feeding. I never did and stayed at home until both me and the baby were more confident in feeding without any exposure. That was totally just me though. Perhaps I should have been more confident.

No @Somethingsnappy I have said over and over that it might not be easy for some people and that's not what I'm taking issue with. I personally just think if you can do it discreetly then do.

I do as I don't have a problem acknowledging there are other people around me. The fact is many people seem to choose to disregard others' feels without good reason.

All those wanting others to wear breastfeeding appropriate clothing, has it not occurred to you that not everyone can or wants to afford a new breastfeeding wardrobe? It shouldn't matter, because there's very little clothing that you can't BF in if you're determined enough, meaning most items you own can still be used. But that can mean having rather a lot more on display than you might with one of the tops with a special flap.

Women shouldn't have to spend money on new clothes in case other people are offended by a biological norm. Particularly given how low statutory maternity pay is.

@Yogaandcocoa. It's a shame that along with all of this thinking about others that you do, that you don't also extend your care and support to other mothers who are doing nothing more than simply feeding their child without wondering if, in doing so, they are offending the sensibilities of other people in the vicinity, who (horror of horrors) may feel uneasy at the sight of a patch of skin on a breast. But heyho.

How do you know I don't support or care? I simply have a preference to feed in a discreet way and it's my view that more people could do that but I'm not going to burn them to a stake or be negative in any way if they don't. The only thing I have done is express my views in a discussion but some of you have villianised some of us for not having the same views as you.

I am a BFing mum and I am the one being shouted down rather than supported. No positivity has come my way on this thread. But hey ho!

It's a shame some of you don't see you own hypocrisy in shouting down other women and shaming them for their views.

@Yogaandcocoa

It's a shame some of you don't see you own hypocrisy in shouting down other women and shaming them for their views.

But your views involve shaming other women for feeding their babies in a way that is not discreet enough for you. Whilst talking about being mindful of others. Which I think is hypocritical. And you're not being shouted down. Rather, argued with and challenged.

So how am I "shaming" you who think differently to me but you are merely "challenging" me?

I would say the opposite is true. I'm not saying any of you are wrong just that I don't agree and the way you present your arguments.

I have been accused of all sorts for simply expressing a view on this thread.

I think bringing up a man getting his cock out in public and rubbing cream in, on a thread about BF, is bound to get women's backs up. It's a very common thing that's raised.

Sorry raised wasn't supposed to be a joke there!

@squee123

All those wanting others to wear breastfeeding appropriate clothing, has it not occurred to you that not everyone can or wants to afford a new breastfeeding wardrobe? It shouldn't matter, because there's very little clothing that you can't BF in if you're determined enough, meaning most items you own can still be used. But that can mean having rather a lot more on display than you might with one of the tops with a special flap.

Women shouldn't have to spend money on new clothes in case other people are offended by a biological norm. Particularly given how low statutory maternity pay is.

Hear hear

@Yogaandcocoa

How do you know I don't support or care? I simply have a preference to feed in a discreet way and it's my view that more people could do that but I'm not going to burn them to a stake or be negative in any way if they don't. The only thing I have done is express my views in a discussion but some of you have villianised some of us for not having the same views as you.

I am a BFing mum and I am the one being shouted down rather than supported. No positivity has come my way on this thread. But hey ho!

No positivity has come your way in this thread because you're being quite judgmental.

I’m 74 and breastfed in public and never raised an brow. Mind you I’m a fierce old hippy.

@NiceGerbil

Sorry raised wasn't supposed to be a joke there!

I am clearly one of the few BFing mums who considers other whilst also feeding their child!
That’s because you’re the BEST at breastfeeding, not like the rest of us thoughtless old tarts, a Fisher-Price My First Gold Star to YOU

That’s because you’re the BEST at breastfeeding, not like the rest of us thoughtless old tarts

MADE ME LOL

This thread is getting ridiculous.

@Luckyelephant1

This thread is getting ridiculous.

Aw, spoilsport