Breastfeeding in public

[Allthingsfloralandpatterned88]

So I'm sitting in the corner of a reasonably busy cafe with DS (3 months) and he starts wailing. I realise I am wearing a dress that isn't amazing for nursing as I have to hike my boob over the top as opposed to opening it at the side. But I do this and latch him on.

However DM who I am with starts shrieking "darling you can't do that" and trys to stop me. She then keeps trying to drape things over my boob and DS's head which means he then loses his latch and I get flustered.

She is great with DS and a big help but she has done this a few times before/ suggested I find a quiet room etc. Is this a generational thing? I've been quite happy feeding in public but she makes me feel like a kind of mad hippy! I now am starting to feel self conscious for feeding in public around her and its making me more anxious about feeding in public in general. I kind of feel as though I should stick to my guns because I don't feel like I should always have to leave the room/ try and find somewhere in private when I'm out and about. Early motherhood is hard enough as it is!

@TheKeatingFive I see it as I go to baby groups and baby friendly places. There is one woman I see almost weekly who does it and a there are others who I see less often or have seen once.

Tbh it is the one I see weekly that springs to me when I say it.

At one group I go to there are about five of us who BF and all it me seem to have the whole breast out. I suppose that's a more BF environment as a baby group but we were also in the park.

My dm and MIL are both late fifties and both said they never even considered breastfeeding in the early 90s - they don’t say anything but are clearly uncomfortable so I think it may be that they never saw/ did it so aren’t used to it. We also tend to see lots of popular influencers etc breastfeed online plus more women in public do it so it’s more normal as it should be.

Tbh it is the one I see weekly that springs to me when I say it

So really one woman, at a baby group?

I hardly think that's an enormous imposition on you, in fairness. Go to a different baby group if it bothers you so much.

@CecilyP

It is generational though - my mother used to keep asking me if I'd got my "milk stamps" through yet 🤔 apparently in the 80s everyone used to get stamps for free formulae milk - probably why breastfeeding rates were so low for that generation

No, everyone didn’t get milk stamps in the 80’s, only families on income support. They could also be used to buy a normal pint of milk a day if you had a child under 5. While breastfeeding had practically died out in the late 60’s and 70’s, it had definitely returned by the 80’s.

I too experienced brain fog with a new born but not so severe that I forgot to wear something that would allow access for breastfeeding. Just normal separates really.

Oh really? My parents worked so wouldn't have been on income support that I know of?

Sorry I see you mention more. These mothers are at baby groups, probably getting to grips with feeding. Hardly a tits out revolution.

@TheKeatingFive I'm entitled to my view as are you

OP has actually only posted twice. We don’t know anything much about how her Mum feels about BF in general or was just being protective of her daughter in this instance.

I’m not sure it’s generational alone, I think it’s probably cultural as well.

My grandmother breastfed all of her children, my siblings and I were breastfed until 2 as were my various cousins and seeing people breastfed when I was young was normal. I certainly remember going out all 3 generations and aunts/mum breastfeeding at a table and grandmother treated it as normal.

We’re a family of Caribbean descent and it’s the norm in her home country.

No I think the discussion has widened @Sparklingbrook

I’m not sure it’s generational alone, I think it’s probably cultural as well.

Definitely

I'm entitled to my view as are you

Sure. However you haven't exactly convinced my as to why mothers in baby groups should be more concerned with your sensibilities than feeding their children in a comfortable way.

I don't need to convince you

It's clear we have different views 🤷‍♀️

@Yogaandcocoa

No I think the discussion has widened *@Sparklingbrook*

Yes, clearly it’s gone the way of all BF in public threads. I just felt that it wasn’t fair to be saying stuff like it’s generational etc in relation to OPs Mum because nobody knows.

Yes you may be right @Sparklingbrook

It's clear we have different views

Quite

Things many under 30s think they invented and can’t imagine previous generations to have practised:

Breastfeeding (esp in public)
Working mothers
Environmentalism
Anti-racism
Healthy eating

All of which have been around for decades if not centuries. I’m sure there are loads more.

@Yogaandcocoa

Yes you may be right *@Sparklingbrook*

As I get older and my own DC are now just adult I think I’m starting to look at stuff from the point of view of potential Grandmother than Mother if that makes sense? (I have DSs so I’m presumably going to be in the wrong as the MIL if they ever have DC anyway. )

It's not a generational thing it's a being stupid thing imo! My mum, dad, step mum, stepdad, and all 4 of my grandparents who are in their 80s have all been supportive. One of my grandmas would come and stroke my son and daughter's heads whilst they were feeding! She never breastfed as she adopted

So she made a load of noise and started waving blankets around, drawing everyone's attention to your table. Whereas if she'd just kept on with her coffee/conversation about the weather/reading the paper, no one would have even noticed.

I'd suggest throwing a blanket over her head while she eats, telling her that she can't be seen eating.

Oh really? My parents worked so wouldn't have been on income support that I know of?

I had all my children in the 80s and nether I or any of my peers got 'milk stamps' I've never come across this at all.

As a sixties baby I was bottle fed. My fifties siblings were mixed fed. There was something called ‘National Dried Milk’ for babies that wasn’t particularly well balanced formula, but was very commonly used.

I had my DC at the turn of of the millennium and breast fed them all. Slightly awkwardly with DS1 but got into the swing! I preferred a loose fitting top and pulled it up. You really couldn’t see much boob. The company I kept were all supportive, even my dad, though my FIL was older and would politely leave the room while I got them latched on.

The big difference across the generations for me was that my DC used disposable nappies and not terry ones. But that has come around again to a certain extent to the more modern reusables. It was common for small babies in the sixties to be ‘potty trained’ early to save on washing nappies and getting sore bottoms. My mum would sit me on the potty at 12 months and run the tap to get me to perform. Disposables are much easier to stay in for longer, more absorbent but terrible for the environment.

I'd suggest throwing a blanket over her head while she eats, telling her that she can't be seen eating.

I rest my case.

I refuse to buy any bf specific clothing. I don't have the money, and I have a perfectly good wardrobe already

Normal separates tend to work just fine. Dresses a bit more problematic and if you don’t own any without front opening or are not stretchy enough to pull down, you’d need something else anyway.

@Pyewackect

Mine were bottle fed. Much easier. Restaurants and cafes were happy to warm it for me and you could hand junior to some else while you enjoyed your coffee. And they all grew up to be happy and healthy kids before the breastazi chip in.

Good for you, is it relevant?

Op is asking for advice on her rude MIL, not for others feeding experience. She's made her choice, as did you. Ironic that you complain of the "breastazi" when you are the only one trying to turn this into formula vs breast.

That was a telling mistake @sprogontetyne.
It was OP's mother, not her MIL