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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious with Nanny/House Manager

297 replies

Howtoworkandplay · 30/10/2021 18:12

NC as I really do not want to be outed just yet!

Have just returned from a stay abroad due to work, it took a week longer than originally planned.

We have the builders in at home doing a whole home renovation and I was the one that appointed, signed and agreed all work.

Whilst away, work has been agreed by someone other than me, and quite frankly they have ripped me off left right and centre. The builders that is! I would never have agreed to what they quoted and went ahead and did. Plus it is not really what I wanted anyway. Quotes about £15k above what it should be IMO.

My question is, should they have gone ahead with this when I was the one who has signed for work with them?

House manager acted in good faith I might add. Very loyal and trusted but not experienced in this kind of thing.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Maireas · 30/10/2021 20:41

There's not many places now where you're unreachable by phone/internet. Why was there no direct communication when things were happening?.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 30/10/2021 20:44

@WeeTattieBogle

By George! I think you're right. What a small world! Those were the days.
I trust that the knarly skin complaint of your 'travelling companion' has been sorted to your satsifaction. Although I know you said you quite liked some of nobbly bits!

Oh, by the way, whatever was the episode with that houseboy who was trapped in your bathroom whilst running your bath? We, in the lounge, only saw the water gushing through the ceiling? Very puzzling.

JesterMcFester · 30/10/2021 20:46

Well if her job is nanny / au pair (TWO very different things even between themselves)

She should not be managing a major renovation.

You should be angry at yourself.

What do you pay her?

DGFB · 30/10/2021 20:47

If your builder is trying to charge you as the homeowner £15K more while you were out of the country, they deserve all your fury. That’s outrageous
Obviously your house manager was acting in good faith but they knew they could get it past her

merrymouse · 30/10/2021 21:00

Her job is Live In Nanny/ Aupair but she also looks after the house for me when away. Hope that is clearer

No, it is not clearer.

An au pair lives as part of the family and does some chores and childcare in return for pocket money and accomodation.

They never manage major building renovations in their employer’s absence.

A nanny is a qualified person who provides in home child care. They also don’t deal with building work.

If you are the main breadwinner, then I assume you have a partner. Where were they?

Watchingyou2sleezes · 30/10/2021 21:05

Golden rule in Building:
Person that pays is the person that says.

They should absolutely have got you to sign off on a variation this large before starting it.

user1473878824 · 30/10/2021 21:06

Ffs. I hate the sneering reverse snobbery if anyone DARES to have money.

PeterIsACockwomble · 30/10/2021 21:10

@user1473878824

Ffs. I hate the sneering reverse snobbery if anyone DARES to have money.
Agree. There's nothing wrong with having nannies, housekeepers, etc - but lots wrong with leaving builders to get on with it!
Kanaloa · 30/10/2021 21:13

@user1473878824

Ffs. I hate the sneering reverse snobbery if anyone DARES to have money.
The issue is that op clearly doesn’t have the money though. She’s expecting an aupair or possibly nanny to so much more than she should.

I don’t look down on anyone who had a nanny - I have done some agency work as a nanny myself and most of the families are lovely and it’s enjoyable. But if you’re paying for an aupair and expecting a nanny-housekeeper then you don’t ‘have the money.’ You’re just taking the piss out of a vulnerable employee.

Cosyblankets · 30/10/2021 21:13

This is the most ridiculous post I've ever read. Surely as the bill payer you are the only person who can authorise the work? Surely even though you were away you had access to a phone, email, WhatsApp, messenger and a whole host of other ways to contact you?
If it were your husband or partner at home I could understand it. But surely there could have been no confusion as to who authorises work. How did the conversation go?
Builder.... We need to do another 15k worth of work.
Aupair... Yeah sure go ahead

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 30/10/2021 21:14

I’m sorry, @Howtoworkandplay, but if you went away, and didn’t leave clear and unequivocal instructions that the builders had to run any changes past you first, then you are responsible for the cock up.

Equally, if you left your nanny in charge of the building works, and didn’t give her clear instructions about what the builders were supposed to be doing, and what to do, if they said extra work needed doing (ie. phone you), then it is your responsibility.

If you left clear instructions for the builders and the nanny, then you are not wholly responsible for what happened (although you are still partly responsible, because you decided that a qualification in child care makes someone capable of supervising building works).

But basically you are either wholly or partly responsible for this. The nanny is not responsible, as this is so far out with her proper role, and the builders are partly responsible, because they should have run any expensive extra work past you.

Kanaloa · 30/10/2021 21:14

And by the way most nannies who do ‘proxy parenting’ or are left alone to manage the household for two weeks (one of which on very very short notice) will expect fantastic pay. If you had a nanny of that type you wouldn’t be confused about what her job title was as it would be in her extensive contract.

merrymouse · 30/10/2021 21:14

There's nothing wrong with having nannies, housekeepers, etc

There is something wrong with being furious with a member of staff when they weren’t at fault, and there is something wrong with confusing aupairs/nannys/housekeepers.

merrymouse · 30/10/2021 21:16

If the OP is as vague about building work as they are about the role of an au pair, I’m not surprised there was confusion.

PeterIsACockwomble · 30/10/2021 21:18

@merrymouse

There's nothing wrong with having nannies, housekeepers, etc

There is something wrong with being furious with a member of staff when they weren’t at fault, and there is something wrong with confusing aupairs/nannys/housekeepers.

Well... it seems clear to me that the OP is actually furious with herself for not project managing properly, and is looking for a scapegoat. I do know a fair few people who have domestic staff where there's overlap between jobs, but I would never expect any paid staff to give or accept instructions when it involves builders.
MydogWilloTheWispEvilEdna · 30/10/2021 21:20

Unfortunately your thread title is really harsh.

The poor girl was trying to do her job while living amongst a whole house renovation with builders in and out and no boss around. That was really unfair.

I'm afraid you should have appointed a project manager in your absence. A whole house renovation is no mean feat and needs constant supervision. It's stressful enough as a homeowner let alone an employee holding the fort.

The builder should have contacted you to explain the unexpected work. However if you were not contactable and urgent decisions needed to be made, as they frequently do, then unfortunately you have to suck it up.

Without knowing what the extra work was, it's difficult to say if you're being hard on them. It may have meant leaving a roof exposed or an extra steel beam or scaffolding was required urgently.

Also the £15k is your perception. Materials have tripled in price recently.

What does the builder say?

Sorry OP, I believe the "blame" ultimately rests with you.

Lucycantdance · 30/10/2021 21:33

It depends what your contract says but from what you’ve said you may have grounds to challenge this. Take legal advice.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 30/10/2021 21:42

Ignore the twatty vipers OP

Your personal circumstances have absolutely nothing to do with your question.

What does your contract say?

Why didn’t the builder contact you, as you’re the client?

What work has been done outside the scope of the planning design?

Heartdogs · 30/10/2021 21:53

You didn't agree to it so you won't have to pay it (if this ever happens to you in real life).

Springchick2021 · 30/10/2021 22:01

For the purpose of the Regulations you are a domestic client. Depending on the type of work being undertaken it may or may not be notifiable to the executive. If it is then you should be living somewhere else whilst the work is completed which suggest low value work being undertaken.

As the client any contract variation has to be agreed by yourself as the client prior to the contractor undertaking any work. Your staff did not have the delegated authority to authorise this work and therefore they have proceeded without your authorisation. Speak to them informally first to try to resolve but if no joy you will need to go down a formal route

bluebell34567 · 30/10/2021 22:01

@forrestgreen

I want a house manager
me too!
bluebell34567 · 30/10/2021 22:09

im on page 7.
i think nanny and the builders will share the profit.Grin

bluebell34567 · 30/10/2021 22:11

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

I with you on this. We flew out to Kilimanjaro for a cocktail weekend and got back to find that the new strapping, young, firm Under Gardener had dead-headed all the roses as he thought that they had 'gorn-over' whilst in reality they were actually in BUD!

Needless to say it wasn't really his fault.
We blamed the Head Gardener and consequently turfed him and his wife out (along with the two month old twins) from the cottage in the grounds.

Anyway the Under Gardener (Mellors) is still here and has proven his weight in gold (well a large piece of him has - if you know what I mean... Blush)

Oh, where was I? I've lost my train of thought now...

Anyway he's now in the Estate Cottage, where I think we need to spend some money sprucing it up. New curtains, warmer duvet, wine fridge etc.
And maybe a shag pile carpet...

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrin
Fere · 30/10/2021 22:13

What is in the agreement. IMHO they took advantage of you not being there. I would stop the work, tak to them on Monday etc.
What changed that the total went up by that much? What difference on the total amoint is it?

LittleBearPad · 30/10/2021 22:14

I’m concerned about the nanny / au pair confusion.

They are quite different