Furious with Nanny/House Manager

[Howtoworkandplay]

NC as I really do not want to be outed just yet!

Have just returned from a stay abroad due to work, it took a week longer than originally planned.

We have the builders in at home doing a whole home renovation and I was the one that appointed, signed and agreed all work.

Whilst away, work has been agreed by someone other than me, and quite frankly they have ripped me off left right and centre. The builders that is! I would never have agreed to what they quoted and went ahead and did. Plus it is not really what I wanted anyway. Quotes about £15k above what it should be IMO.

My question is, should they have gone ahead with this when I was the one who has signed for work with them?

House manager acted in good faith I might add. Very loyal and trusted but not experienced in this kind of thing.

WWYD?

Let me guess OP, you have hired a young woman to be an au pair for which she is meant to only work a certain number of hours per week in exchange for a pittance of a wage. But, instead for that same pittance wage she has provided 24 HR a day care of your child for a week with little notice , is also meant to cook and clean your house for you and act as a project manager for your building works in your absence ?

I think that's about right, @BurnedToast.
Oh, and the OP is "the main breadwinner", so there's a spouse there somewhere who's role isn't clear.

@Maireas

I think that's about right, *@BurnedToast*. Oh, and the OP is "the main breadwinner", so there's a spouse there somewhere who's role isn't clear.

The role secret will be that the au pair is the OP's mother.

That's why the ambiguity is there. Of course I pay her. Trusted. Acted in good faith. Beneficial to her.

Mother has put in the money for the work and lives with OP that's why OP is the main earner.

Mother's role is undefined, no contract and now OP is "furious" with her mother but is conflicted with who she is trying blame.

@Justcallmebebes

My house manager would never act before running it by my PA 🙄

[quote Maireas]@PumpkinsandTea - I do realise, thank you.
The OP says she's the main earner. From this, one may deduce there is a lower earner in the partnership, therefore I did assume she or he had a partner.[/quote]
Ah ok, my apologies. As a lone parent myself, it's a sore spot 😬🙈

I haven't read the full thread but this smacks of modern day slavery.

I can only hope it's a weird half term MN post

@PumpkinsandTea - no problem

OP, I thought about it more. You can employ a surveyor to confirm that the alterations to the original plans were necessary. Talk to one of them first thing tomorrow.

Is this lady a nanny or au pair

They are HUGELY DIFF

you say main breadwinner or do you mean only

Is there a partner /kids dad about

I don’t get why your lady didn’t contact you. Surely you have contact with her daily for her and kids sake

Or why the builders didn’t contact you directly

You should’ve gave organised major building work while you’re unavailable.

If she lives there do the builders know she’s ‘only’ the nanny and not your partner?

I reckon, if you can afford a "house manager" (whatever tf that is), then 15k is pretty small change, and all you need is a larger size of diamond slippers.

You need to negotiate with the builders. Tell them that you are the client, not the nany, and that they had absolutely no right to agree changes to the project with her without checking with you. They could have called you or whatsapped you or just delayed the project and waited for instructions. Hiking the price by £15k without client consent is not ok on any planet, unless the builders are insane they must know that.

Good luck!!

Why are you angry with your nanny but not the builders?

feck, now I've seen it's a 12 page thread already, sorry, bet that was a "cancel the cheque" question just above, right?

It's your house so your responsibility

@Skysblue

You need to negotiate with the builders. Tell them that you are the client, not the nany, and that they had absolutely no right to agree changes to the project with her without checking with you. They could have called you or whatsapped you or just delayed the project and waited for instructions. Hiking the price by £15k without client consent is not ok on any planet, unless the builders are insane they must know that.

Good luck!!

Quotes about £15k above what it should be IMO

That's the OP's perceived amount not the actual. She needs to speak with the builder to get a breakdown and the reason for no communication.

As a pp has said, why was the OP not in daily contact by some form?

@Howtoworkandplay

I wanted to explain that I am not really wealthy although I know it sounds like it. She lives in and looks after everything when I am away. She does get paid obvs and extra whilst I was away. This situation suits us both as I would not be able to work without this support and it is also very beneficial for her too. The builders, from what I gathered explained that it was urgently needed etc and there was obviously some confusion as she thought it had been agreed although it hadn’t by me! I am cross with her but also appreciate it is not entirely her fault. I wondered who you would see as at fault, as well as me for leaving her in this position. There really isn’t anything else to it.

Her job is Live In Nanny/ Aupair but she also looks after the house for me when away. Hope that is clearer

You're beginning to look more and more unreasonable, OP.

If you were uncontactable, it's at least partly your fault.

If the hired help was mislead by the builders, they are very much at fault.

Au pair is the title given to overseas language students who do a bit of babysitting and chores in return for free accommodation and pocket money. There is a strict maximum limit to how many hours childcare you can expect and I think it's about 15 per week as they are supposed to be studying.

I get the impression that the person you pay to help is a relative, is that so?

I also get the impression you don't want to actually describe the situation accurately, so I don't know why you asked at all.

@Skysblue

You need to negotiate with the builders. Tell them that you are the client, not the nany, and that they had absolutely no right to agree changes to the project with her without checking with you. They could have called you or whatsapped you or just delayed the project and waited for instructions. Hiking the price by £15k without client consent is not ok on any planet, unless the builders are insane they must know that.

Good luck!!

She handed the responsibilities to her 'House Manager', so not her builders problem if they have already started

Are you coming back @Howtoworkandplay

I still don’t get why nanny didn’t contact you

Or builders contact you

How do I get a live in house manager?? And how much does one cost?! The absolute dream!

To be serious..it's the builders fault, shocking of you to blame your housekeeper!!

@Mammyloveswine

How do I get a live in house manager?? And how much does one cost?! The absolute dream!

Here you go! Several to chose from (and read the job description to show that whatever delusional job title OP has given this poor person, they are not actually a house manager)

www.greycoatlumleys.co.uk/looking-for-staff/private-households-estates/household-managers-butlers/