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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious with Nanny/House Manager

297 replies

Howtoworkandplay · 30/10/2021 18:12

NC as I really do not want to be outed just yet!

Have just returned from a stay abroad due to work, it took a week longer than originally planned.

We have the builders in at home doing a whole home renovation and I was the one that appointed, signed and agreed all work.

Whilst away, work has been agreed by someone other than me, and quite frankly they have ripped me off left right and centre. The builders that is! I would never have agreed to what they quoted and went ahead and did. Plus it is not really what I wanted anyway. Quotes about £15k above what it should be IMO.

My question is, should they have gone ahead with this when I was the one who has signed for work with them?

House manager acted in good faith I might add. Very loyal and trusted but not experienced in this kind of thing.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Maireas · 30/10/2021 18:26

This is so badly explained

Barbie222 · 30/10/2021 18:27

Where were you in the world that you couldn't have had a look at the works over video chat and asked them to wait for you to sign off?

It's not my world, but no way would I be delegating decisions on build to staff.

godmum56 · 30/10/2021 18:28

pass the popcorn someone please

hotmeatymilk · 30/10/2021 18:29

pass the popcorn someone please
Delegating this task to my house manager.

Hellocatshome · 30/10/2021 18:30

Wow I dont even know where to start! I'll just eat some of godmum56's popcorn and wait to see how this pans out.

Lunde · 30/10/2021 18:31

If you were away longer than expected while work was being done in your house how often did you contact the builder to check what was happening?

Where is your partner in this?

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 30/10/2021 18:31

OP, this is Mumsnet. If you have more than a fiver to your name and aren't up at 5am scrubbing the house from top to bottom you'll get nothing but smart arsed comments and sneering.

I'm not sure what you can do at this point. Maybe explore legal options if the work is sub standard or on the grounds they failed to get your authorisation.

sw1v · 30/10/2021 18:31

DId the builders not have a phone?

If anyone is at fault it’s them surely, as it sounds like they’ve sneaked extra work / expense in your absence (possibly taking advantage if the fact the house manager wasn’t fully aware of the spec and the quote).

But it all sounds a bit ‘fly by the seat of your pants’ tbh.

I do renovations on and off and I’d never just leave someone else in the thick of it and expect them to know what’s going on.

girlmom21 · 30/10/2021 18:32

Moral of the story: don't book in tens of thousands of pounds worth of work then fuck off out the country and leave someone to make all the decisions if you don't trust them to do so.

Worried234 · 30/10/2021 18:32

What the absolute fuck?!

TheChiefJo · 30/10/2021 18:32

@hotmeatymilk

pass the popcorn someone please Delegating this task to my house manager.
Wink
VampireVicki · 30/10/2021 18:32

So you were working abroad, OK

Where was your partner (you mention being breadwinner which implies there is a partner in this) and where was your child?

Who is this House Manager person? Are they the same as the Nanny or are these two separate staff?

whatwasIgoingtosay · 30/10/2021 18:32

Did you not have access to e-mails/texts/phone where you were? Surely you should have been communicating with the builders/house manager (whatever that is)/nanny and they should have been communicating with you while you were away? That's how you project manage when you are unavoidably absent, not leave everything to chance for others to fuck up.

Whinginadeville · 30/10/2021 18:33

I've sent the house manager to the kitchen for wine to go with that popcorn he's also a builder so qualified on all counts and says if you authorised the house manager to liase with the builder it's on you but if you didn't it's on the builder either way in this house it would be his fault.

LittleBearPad · 30/10/2021 18:34

The House Manager should have told the builder to call you.

But the builder should have done this in the first place.

Sort it out with the builder and going forward explain to the HM that every decision is to be sent to you and not to worry as it isn’t their responsibility.

However it sounds a slightly different world to the one I live in - unless the person who went away is one spouse and the HM/Nanny is actually the other spouse and this is a convoluted way to avoid saying your spouse made decisions you don’t like

linerforlife · 30/10/2021 18:35

I want a house manager ...

...misses point of thread

LittleBearPad · 30/10/2021 18:35

The House Manager is your spouse aren’t they.

LittleBearPad · 30/10/2021 18:35

And you’re trying to avoid MN telling you that you and your spouse should communicate!

MurielSpriggs · 30/10/2021 18:36

It rather depends on how the manager had been presented to the builders. And what contact you have signed with the builders. She may have had "ostensible authority" to act as your agent unless circumstances and the contract ruled this out. You're as likely to get a sensible response on the AIBU board as you are from reading tea leaves!

Postdatedpandemic · 30/10/2021 18:36

@Maireas

This is so badly explained
It is, isn't it. Not at all what one would expect from a high flier but exactly what one would expect from someone who finds themselves in this situation.
emmathedilemma · 30/10/2021 18:36

Golly gosh this sounds worse than the time Ocado delivered non-organic humous.
Thoughts and prayers.

GiltEdges · 30/10/2021 18:37

OP, ignore all the snarky responses Hmm

What did your contract with the builder say in terms of approval for changes to plan? And did you give them contact details they could use to reach you while you were away? If your instructions/ the contract terms were disregarded then you're well within your rights to challenge the builder and/or refuse to pay the additional bill.

However if you didn't have either of the above in place and just left hoping for the best, you probably don't have much comeback; against either the builder or your nanny/housekeeper. Although in fairness, I'd be more annoyed with the nanny in the second scenario, as any logical person in their position should have declined to provide instructions to the builder without your explicit instruction to do so. It would be beyond their remit and has caused you considerable financial detriment.

tempchecked · 30/10/2021 18:38

Sounds like "house manager" is harrassed granny.

WhatMattersMost · 30/10/2021 18:38

Blaming the house manager sounds ridiculous, but the level of spite on this thread towards the OP is awful.

RitaFires · 30/10/2021 18:39

Unfortunately when getting major work done in your home you have to be absolutely specific in writing, have a really good project manager or be available all the time to keep an eye on what's happening. There is so much potential for misunderstanding when doing big building work, I wouldn't blame the nanny at all, lots of people are out of their depth when it's their own home let alone someone else's.

I hope whatever has gone wrong is fixable.

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