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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious with Nanny/House Manager

297 replies

Howtoworkandplay · 30/10/2021 18:12

NC as I really do not want to be outed just yet!

Have just returned from a stay abroad due to work, it took a week longer than originally planned.

We have the builders in at home doing a whole home renovation and I was the one that appointed, signed and agreed all work.

Whilst away, work has been agreed by someone other than me, and quite frankly they have ripped me off left right and centre. The builders that is! I would never have agreed to what they quoted and went ahead and did. Plus it is not really what I wanted anyway. Quotes about £15k above what it should be IMO.

My question is, should they have gone ahead with this when I was the one who has signed for work with them?

House manager acted in good faith I might add. Very loyal and trusted but not experienced in this kind of thing.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Twillow · 30/10/2021 20:06

I would think a house manager and a nanny to be very different things. I don't think you have any right to be cross with her. As you said, she thought it had been agreed. I think your issue should be with the builders, though it might not be easy to resolve.

Kanaloa · 30/10/2021 20:07

@TheYearOfSmallThings

Oh wait, it's you again isn't it!

The ultra high earning young single mother with all the lifestyle?

I mean I wouldn’t say ULTRA high earning. If she was ultra high earning surely her house manager would have staff to manage. Rather than just managing her own self.
LoveGrooveDanceParty · 30/10/2021 20:08

I would think a house manager and a nanny to be very different things

I would think and au pair and a house manager to be very different things! Grin

maddiemookins16mum · 30/10/2021 20:09

So you were away for a week longer than ‘expected’, would the scenario have happened if you weren’t?
Plus, YABU with your thread title.

hedgehogger1 · 30/10/2021 20:09

Kevin McCloud would have told you you needed a proper project manager. He'd be shaking his head at you leaving your "house manager" in charge

IsabelHerna · 30/10/2021 20:09

What is done is done, but try to find a way for better communication in the future.

theremustonlybeone · 30/10/2021 20:10

How old is your aupair? Interested you keep changing between house manager, nanny/aupair. An aupair tends to be someone young who is paid living expenses and stays in your home. A nanny is a qualified staff member. No idea what a house manager is. You sound like a nightmare, extend your trip and expect your hired help to make decisions on your behalf. Very bizarre and your suprised they arent a mind reader

readwhatiactuallysay · 30/10/2021 20:13

Its a shame your thread has been taken in this direction, i understood you.

It is absolutely the fault of the builder, unless specifically expressed, authorisation must come from you or he could just ask any Tom, Dick or Harry and you would be liable.

How are you currently paying him?
Are you at a point where it will be finished before you have hit any more milestones in the project ?

Withhold the payment and negotiate how best to solve the issue, without knowing the additions we obviously cant give a reasonable outcome.

But yes its the builder all the way, if they needdd to deviate from the agreed plans, he should have notified you.

RosesAndHellebores · 30/10/2021 20:16

Where was your architect and why didn't they contact you about it?

carpetbugs · 30/10/2021 20:16

Who is project managing?

nitsandwormsdodger · 30/10/2021 20:16

Is house manager and nanny same person ?
Did builders think nanny / manager was your partner maybe ??
You left a child for an extra week ?? What kind of job does this to a single mum ??
How old is child
A 4 bed house is not modest! lots of families are having to make do with small flats or shitty renting

JinglingHellsBells · 30/10/2021 20:18

The OP is just being a bit 'loose' with her language.

In The Lady magazine where a lot of people find 'staff' there are lots of jobs for mother's helps.

This are sometimes listed as Nanny/ House KEEPER .

They are in charge of the kids, the laundry, the shopping, the school runs, making meals, housework etc.

It's not simply a choice of nanny or au pair.

But in any case everyone was at fault.

OP for not making sure the housekeeper kept in touch with her over building work.
Nanny for allowing work to go ahead when not agreed
Builders for not speaking to the OP to ensure she had given permission.

WeeTattieBogle · 30/10/2021 20:21

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

I with you on this. We flew out to Kilimanjaro for a cocktail weekend and got back to find that the new strapping, young, firm Under Gardener had dead-headed all the roses as he thought that they had 'gorn-over' whilst in reality they were actually in BUD!

Needless to say it wasn't really his fault.
We blamed the Head Gardener and consequently turfed him and his wife out (along with the two month old twins) from the cottage in the grounds.

Anyway the Under Gardener (Mellors) is still here and has proven his weight in gold (well a large piece of him has - if you know what I mean... Blush)

Oh, where was I? I've lost my train of thought now...

Anyway he's now in the Estate Cottage, where I think we need to spend some money sprucing it up. New curtains, warmer duvet, wine fridge etc.
And maybe a shag pile carpet...

I think we met at the Ngong Racecourse during the 2019 Derby.
Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 30/10/2021 20:22

@JinglingHellsBells

That’s what I said!!! But people are enjoying slamming the OP too much to read

category12 · 30/10/2021 20:22

A housekeeper isn't expected to manage building projects.

OP should have employed someone to project manage.

EileenGC · 30/10/2021 20:26

Why weren’t you contacted to sign off on this?

I’m abroad for a large percentage of the year, I still have my phone on me, people can also email when something arises.

How urgent was this that you couldn’t be contacted first? Unless you were working 48 hour shifts as a surgeon in a war zone, I don’t see how they couldn’t speak to you for 2 minutes on the phone so you could give them the green light / tell them no.

silverbubbles · 30/10/2021 20:27

Seems odd that the builders did not know who the decision make was.

If this the case then its your problem for not being organised but if it was clear then they can't just start taking orders from some other person. So refuse to pay for what they have done.

biscuitsnotbaby · 30/10/2021 20:27

I wonder if the confusion over the nanny / au pair title is because the children are actually teenagers, and this other person is in sole charge in mum’s absence, although childcare is actually the least of the responsibilities.

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 30/10/2021 20:28

@readwhatiactuallysay

Its a shame your thread has been taken in this direction, i understood you.

It is absolutely the fault of the builder, unless specifically expressed, authorisation must come from you or he could just ask any Tom, Dick or Harry and you would be liable.

How are you currently paying him?
Are you at a point where it will be finished before you have hit any more milestones in the project ?

Withhold the payment and negotiate how best to solve the issue, without knowing the additions we obviously cant give a reasonable outcome.

But yes its the builder all the way, if they needdd to deviate from the agreed plans, he should have notified you.

You ‘understood her’?

What, where she blames the nanny / house manager for it all, instead of the builder, or even taking some responsibility herself?

Kanaloa · 30/10/2021 20:29

[quote Justheretoaskaquestion91]@JinglingHellsBells

That’s what I said!!! But people are enjoying slamming the OP too much to read[/quote]
No, it does make a massive difference in how unreasonable the op is being. If this is a young aupair being taken advantage of (which I imagine it is) then op is of course being shockingly unreasonable to expect anything else, plus being a bad employer taking advantage.

If it is an experienced and trained housekeeper who had worked with families for years then I would expect them to have the foresight not to sign off on work without speaking to the employer.

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 30/10/2021 20:33

No, it does make a massive difference in how unreasonable the op is being. If this is a young aupair being taken advantage of (which I imagine it is) then op is of course being shockingly unreasonable to expect anything else, plus being a bad employer taking advantage.

If it is an experienced and trained housekeeper who had worked with families for years then I would expect them to have the foresight not to sign off on work without speaking to the employer.

Exactly!

boireannach · 30/10/2021 20:36

Furious with nanny / house manager ? How ghastly for you dahling 🙄

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 30/10/2021 20:36

I actually think the bigger problem is that the OP seems to say she isn’t sure who is to blame but the title is positively vitriolic!

VaccineSticker · 30/10/2021 20:37

Builders at fault here.
The contract is with the owner not with the au pair/nanny. They should have got in touch with the owner in this day and age there’s no excuse why they couldn’t get in touch with her through FaceTime/WhatsApp etc no matter where she is in the world.

Also- Seems like many here are getting hung up on silly details and getting jealous of the OP’s situation. Grow up.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 30/10/2021 20:37

Yes au pair vs housekeeper/nanny makes a huge difference but that’s not what people are focusing on. There’s a lot of inverted snobbery and mockery going on.

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