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AIBU?

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Original poster

Furious with Nanny/House Manager

297 replies

Howtoworkandplay · 30/10/2021 18:12

NC as I really do not want to be outed just yet!

Have just returned from a stay abroad due to work, it took a week longer than originally planned.

We have the builders in at home doing a whole home renovation and I was the one that appointed, signed and agreed all work.

Whilst away, work has been agreed by someone other than me, and quite frankly they have ripped me off left right and centre. The builders that is! I would never have agreed to what they quoted and went ahead and did. Plus it is not really what I wanted anyway. Quotes about £15k above what it should be IMO.

My question is, should they have gone ahead with this when I was the one who has signed for work with them?

House manager acted in good faith I might add. Very loyal and trusted but not experienced in this kind of thing.

WWYD?

OP posts:
DaisyNGO · 31/10/2021 00:08

@LaurieFairyCake

Can't believe I've scrolled through hundreds of posts to literally be none the wiser as to what the fuck is going on
Well at least you made me lol
mmmmmgyrl · 31/10/2021 00:14

@Howtoworkandplay

I wanted to explain that I am not really wealthy although I know it sounds like it. She lives in and looks after everything when I am away. She does get paid obvs and extra whilst I was away. This situation suits us both as I would not be able to work without this support and it is also very beneficial for her too. The builders, from what I gathered explained that it was urgently needed etc and there was obviously some confusion as she thought it had been agreed although it hadn’t by me! I am cross with her but also appreciate it is not entirely her fault. I wondered who you would see as at fault, as well as me for leaving her in this position. There really isn’t anything else to it.

Her job is Live In Nanny/ Aupair but she also looks after the house for me when away. Hope that is clearer

This is way above her paygrade and would have been my response to the builder in her shoes and to you having the audacity to be cross with me when you put me in that position by not ensuring contingencies were in place while you were away.
Offmyfence · 31/10/2021 00:14

Someone else agreed work on your modest four bed detached, really?

FatOaf · 31/10/2021 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

notonthishightstreet · 31/10/2021 00:21

This is so cryptic!!!
And I think therein lies the problem. I've worked with people where, even after asking for clarification, no one has a clue what they're supposed to be doing!

OP -it sounds like clear communication may not be your strong point and therefore wonder whether your nanny/housekeeper(?) did what people often do when they're out of their depth and inexperienced, when pressurised which is say yes, fine, go ahead etc...

HaveringWavering · 31/10/2021 00:23

If this person is an au pair then she should not have been in full time charge of your child while you were away for weeks at a time, never mind your house!

There is no such thing as a “nanny slash au pair”. A nanny is a professional child cadet who may well agree to look after your child all day and all night if paid sufficiently. An au pair earns board and spending money in return for light, time-limited childcare duties and occasional babysitting. They are completely different roles.

If the nanny slash au pair slash house manager was not in some charge of your child then there must have been another adult around for the builders to speak to…?

HaveringWavering · 31/10/2021 00:23

Not in sole charge..

HaveringWavering · 31/10/2021 00:26

@LaurieFairyCake

Can't believe I've scrolled through hundreds of posts to literally be none the wiser as to what the fuck is going on
Why would you do all that scrolling when you can just click See All OP’s posts? Anyone else’s contribution would just be speculation.
theSunday · 31/10/2021 00:38

Sorry OP, but the first person you should hold accountable is always yourself. If my team makes a mistake it’s down to me, and you sound like you should know this too. Take some ownership in this.

Poor housekeeper (nanny/ house manager) and yes, cheeky builder!

Summerfun54321 · 31/10/2021 00:45

You should have a construction contract that says who approves changes or signs off work. So it’s either the builders fault (for breach of contract) or your fault if you hired a builder without a proper contract.

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 31/10/2021 00:49

All I can say is that I wish I had a house manager.

I think the builder is at fault because he should never have assumed anyone other than you had the authority to make decisions. I feel sorry for the nanny. Maybe she thought she was doing the right thing but she really should have said that this isn't my job, you'll have to ask the boss. And you should've given explicit instructions to the builder about what to do while you were away.

PumpkinsandTea · 31/10/2021 00:55

'House Manager' Where do you live OP, Downton Abbey?!?! Hmm. I'm not sure this is the forum for you!

PumpkinsandTea · 31/10/2021 00:58

@Maireas

Where is your wife/husband in all this?
You do realise that not every parent has one of these, don't you?
Dancingonmoonlight · 31/10/2021 01:01

I don't understand the need for you to 'blame' someone. It hasn't really anything to do with your nanny.
You left her in charge of the house/child.
You organised for building work to be carried out while you were away.
Presumably the work that needed to be done was quoted and agreed prior to the work commencing.
If the work was not carried out as agreed, then its an issue to take up with the builders directly.
If the builders tried to contact you and instead spoke to the nanny who agreed with their suggestions of how to work around an issue that arose unexpectantly, then they should have been in contact with you as you are the person who employed them.

I don't understand those saying that living in a four bed detached house and having a live in childminder is 'another world''. It depends entirely on where the house is located surely as to whether the OP is rolling in money or not. It could be a four bed bungalow in a rural area with a childminder who lives in as its cheaper and often more practical than paying a live out salary.

The OP mentioned she was the 'main breadwinner' and not the only breadwinner, so presumably there is another adult living in the house. Why did the builders communicate with the nanny instead of the other adult? Why didn't the other adult talk to you when you were talking to them on the phone?

LaurieFairyCake · 31/10/2021 01:03

HaveringWavering

No option to do that on the app - I have the old style app Grin

PumpkinsandTea · 31/10/2021 01:08

@Mushypeasandchipstogo

I actually am very angry by your post . You are expecting someone to be a full time nanny, au pair and “house manager.” This sounds like modern day slavery and you are still angry with her because your builders shafted you. Shame on you you sound absolutely vile.
I agree, this does sound like Modern Day Slavery. Poor girl
PumpkinsandTea · 31/10/2021 01:09

@LaurieFairyCake

HaveringWavering

No option to do that on the app - I have the old style app Grin

Click on the funnel at the top then click on OP's name
LaurieFairyCake · 31/10/2021 01:11

Shock thank you !!!

Derbee · 31/10/2021 05:41

You’ve dropped the ball, and haven’t managed your building work whilst away. That’s your fault only. You may be a bit irritated with builders doing extra things whilst you’re away, although it could have been worse for them just to stop because you weren’t there to approve anything.

As far as being cross with the nanny, for your building issues, it’s an absolutely ridiculous concept.

gofg · 31/10/2021 06:13

Afraid that you are to blame here OP. if you're getting work done you absolutely need to make sure you are avaliable within a reasonable time scale otherwise these things will happen

I agree. YABVU to be "furious" with someone who you said was not experienced in this sort of thing. The blame rests with you, and to a certain extent the builders, the other person should not have had this responsibility thrust upon them.

Maireas · 31/10/2021 06:53

@PumpkinsandTea - I do realise, thank you.
The OP says she's the main earner. From this, one may deduce there is a lower earner in the partnership, therefore I did assume she or he had a partner.

jetadore · 31/10/2021 07:12

@WheelieBinPrincess

You should have been more explicit.

I bet it’s one of those jobs where you’re a nanny but expected to be pa/house manager/cook etc etc.

I’m a professional nanny and I had a job that turned out like this once. I made a right hash of it. They were cheapskates who were totally out of touch with reality and trying to squish three roles into one.

It doesn’t work, there’s your lesson.

Yeh I think you’ve hit the nail in the head here. Nanny was the only one home with the builders and now things gone wrong OP starts referring to her as the “house manager”.
DeadButDelicious · 31/10/2021 07:49

So you left your au pair, sorry, 'house manager' Hmm in charge and didn't make it clear to the builders that any new work that needed doing must be agreed by you? Is that correct? Sounds like that is your fault OP.

I do hope that you've used the title Au pair in error as if she is being expected to run your home (which is what the term house manager implies) in your absence then that is far beyond the remit of an au pair and as such she should be being paid a proper wage.

OhMyfanwy · 31/10/2021 07:57

Why couldn't they ring your mobile to check? All seems a bit odd...

category12 · 31/10/2021 08:42

Meh, this thread looks like it was just a wind them up and watch them go thing. Curious absence of op.

Your basic seagull - drops shit and flies away.