Furious with Nanny/House Manager

[Howtoworkandplay]

NC as I really do not want to be outed just yet!

Have just returned from a stay abroad due to work, it took a week longer than originally planned.

We have the builders in at home doing a whole home renovation and I was the one that appointed, signed and agreed all work.

Whilst away, work has been agreed by someone other than me, and quite frankly they have ripped me off left right and centre. The builders that is! I would never have agreed to what they quoted and went ahead and did. Plus it is not really what I wanted anyway. Quotes about £15k above what it should be IMO.

My question is, should they have gone ahead with this when I was the one who has signed for work with them?

House manager acted in good faith I might add. Very loyal and trusted but not experienced in this kind of thing.

WWYD?

@hotmeatymilk

Shuck off those diamond shoes darling, the pain must be beastly.

🤣🤣🤣

I actually am very angry by your post . You are expecting someone to be a full time nanny, au pair and “house manager.” This sounds like modern day slavery and you are still angry with her because your builders shafted you. Shame on you you sound absolutely vile.

You left your au pair with the added hassle of having builders in, didn't make your instructions clear re: being contacted and/or were out of contact for a week longer than you'd originally planned... and you're trying to blame everyone but yourself? I'd be interested to know how much 'extra' your poor au pair was paid to have all of this dumped on her. Calling her a 'house manager' (that's not a thing) and slipping her another £100 isn't how life works.

Well, it's not her fault.

My house manager would never act before running it by my PA 🙄

I'm on the "this situation sounds dodgy AF, an au pair is not a nanny, if you don't know this you shouldn't be employing either and you'd better explain because this situation sounds horribly like some exploited young person being paid fuck all to do about three highly skilled and demanding jobs at once" train.

Anyone you leave in sole charge for weeks at a time is not an au pair. Anyone you expect to manage builders, housework and children round the clock for weeks should be being paid beaucoup and have at least two people under them.

Idk whether to or 😂😂

@Maireas

This is so badly explained

Yes it is, it's an absolute disaster. I suspect what has happened is that the OP has delegated posting here to her Mumsnet Manager.

www.gov.uk/au-pairs-employment-law/au-pairs

This is an au pair. The definition is important because an au pair is not entitled to national minimum wage and is not treated as an employee.

I reckon living with parents
Mum is the nanny
Dad is the “house manager”

When the boss is away and in their absence they have given the employee carte blance to run the place, then the boss really can't be annoyed with the employee for anything they did during that time.

Sorry OP, the buck stops with you.

@debwong - 😂😂😂

Oh for an edit button - carte blanche obvs.

@merrymouse

www.gov.uk/au-pairs-employment-law/au-pairs

This is an au pair. The definition is important because an au pair is not entitled to national minimum wage and is not treated as an employee.

Certainly shouldn't be managing building work

Ignoring the nanny / au pair / house keeper weirdness.

Why did NO ONE just phone or whats app you? (Either the builder or the housekeeper/nanny)
I have never been anywhere for business where I couldn't get either phone OR wifi

I think you left yourself open to this by being away and leaving the au-pair in charge. Poor girl was put in the position of having to make these decisions for you.

House manager? Wtf?

Unless you made it very clear with the builders veggie going away that all work needs to be signed off by you, then YABU.

If you did do this, then the builders are BU.

The house manager probably should have called you to check but of all parties is the least responsible for this situation and YABVU to be furious with them.

I wonder if actually you're furious with yourself but looking for someone to blame

I'm not usually flippant but I think YABU by (a) not explaining "house manager" in your OP and (b) expecting the live-in to do everything.

So you have an au pair that you leave your child with for more than a week when you are away? Is that even allowed? And then you expect them to do all of the "house management" on top?

Why did the house manager believe that she had the authority to sign off on changes and extra costs requested by the builder? And why did the builder believe the house manager had that authority? IMHO, who's at fault depends on the answers to those questions. Regardless, if you didn't make crystal clear to the house manager before leaving that absolutely nothing was to be changed without your consent, some of the blame is on you.

Why didn't your leave clearer instructions with everyone? Someone should have been contactable who could make decisions on your behalf if you weren't available.

And a nanny and an au pair are very different (I have used both at different times), so which is she?

@debwong

Can't believe I've scrolled through hundreds of posts to literally be none the wiser as to what the fuck is going on