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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious with Nanny/House Manager

297 replies

Howtoworkandplay · 30/10/2021 18:12

NC as I really do not want to be outed just yet!

Have just returned from a stay abroad due to work, it took a week longer than originally planned.

We have the builders in at home doing a whole home renovation and I was the one that appointed, signed and agreed all work.

Whilst away, work has been agreed by someone other than me, and quite frankly they have ripped me off left right and centre. The builders that is! I would never have agreed to what they quoted and went ahead and did. Plus it is not really what I wanted anyway. Quotes about £15k above what it should be IMO.

My question is, should they have gone ahead with this when I was the one who has signed for work with them?

House manager acted in good faith I might add. Very loyal and trusted but not experienced in this kind of thing.

WWYD?

OP posts:
MacMahon · 30/10/2021 19:30

House manager acted in good faith I might add. Very loyal and trusted but not experienced in this kind of thing.

Or

Furious with Nanny/House Manager

Which one is it? At the moment it sounds like it might be completely made up Hmm

tickledtiger · 30/10/2021 19:31

Is this the builder pulling a fast one?

Lotusmonster · 30/10/2021 19:31

You are an utter muppet OP for going away during major houseworks. You sound well off and this work sounds like a sizeable contract …if so, you ought to have had an architect supervising the agreed scope of works and a quantity surveyor managing the budget. I’ve built and renovated. This is your fault and stop blaming domestic staff for your shortcomings.

Lotusmonster · 30/10/2021 19:33

House manager acted in good faith I might add. Very loyal and trusted but not experienced in this kind of thing
Well, you said it yourself! Had you actually briefed them, agreed any acceptable overspends? Did you have a JCT contract in place?

Username7521 · 30/10/2021 19:34

OP, I’ve had Nannies and au pairs.
I am totally shocked you left an au pair in sole care of your child and house. Totally and utterly unacceptable.
Au Pairs remit is very specific. You are totally taking advantage of them. I’m astounded that you even think they could remotely be responsible for this.

Lotusmonster · 30/10/2021 19:35

…never mind saying the Nanny sounds inexperienced in this kind of thing, you do. 🙄

WumbenWimpundWoomud · 30/10/2021 19:38

You went away, stayed longer than planned, and left your wife to sort out the building work. Meanwhile, the builder has done stuff you’re not happy with, but they checked with your wife who okayed it. Did you discuss with your wife before you went what the plan was re dealing with the builder? Just because you signed and paid, the other partner will be seen as authority to sign off on things unless expressly told the builder it was just you who could make decisions.

DroopyClematis · 30/10/2021 19:40

Think this will be pulled.

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 30/10/2021 19:43

@DroopyClematis

Think this will be pulled.
It certainly has all the hallmarks of ‘lighting the touch paper’.

Nothing like a suite of staff and a reno to get people going. Wink

Where is the OP?

tobedtoMN · 30/10/2021 19:45

@WumbenWimpundWoomud

You went away, stayed longer than planned, and left your wife to sort out the building work. Meanwhile, the builder has done stuff you’re not happy with, but they checked with your wife who okayed it. Did you discuss with your wife before you went what the plan was re dealing with the builder? Just because you signed and paid, the other partner will be seen as authority to sign off on things unless expressly told the builder it was just you who could make decisions.
Wife? 🤣
DollyD65 · 30/10/2021 19:45

Completely not the fault of the House Manager/Nanny/Au pair. It's your house, therefore your responsibility. Sounds like you failed to communicate adequately with either her or the builders.

DustyDood · 30/10/2021 19:47

Sounds like you might be better off managing your house yourself.
Is that not possible?

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 30/10/2021 19:48
  1. Why did they not contact you?
  2. Why did she not contact you?
  3. Why did you overstay by a week?
  4. Did you given them consent that her word was good enough if they had queries?
JumperooSue · 30/10/2021 19:50

I blame Balonz

LBOCS2 · 30/10/2021 19:50

Is your house manager appropriately qualified to be asked to make those decisions? If you're not available to do it, you should have appointed a surveyor or similar to carry out those assessments. Without experience, how could they be expected to know what an appropriate cost is for the work?

PeterIsACockwomble · 30/10/2021 19:52

All very bizarre.

OP, I am baffled by the idea that you would leave anyone else in charge of a building project, other than a spouse.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 30/10/2021 19:55

I with you on this.
We flew out to Kilimanjaro for a cocktail weekend and got back to find that the new strapping, young, firm Under Gardener had dead-headed all the roses as he thought that they had 'gorn-over' whilst in reality they were actually in BUD!

Needless to say it wasn't really his fault.
We blamed the Head Gardener and consequently turfed him and his wife out (along with the two month old twins) from the cottage in the grounds.

Anyway the Under Gardener (Mellors) is still here and has proven his weight in gold (well a large piece of him has - if you know what I mean... Blush)

Oh, where was I? I've lost my train of thought now...

Anyway he's now in the Estate Cottage, where I think we need to spend some money sprucing it up. New curtains, warmer duvet, wine fridge etc.
And maybe a shag pile carpet...

Lifeisaminestrone · 30/10/2021 19:55

If the builder had no choice in the matter ie structural safety and you are on holiday then he is not at fault either. He has a duty to make a building safe. The fault I think is yours as you were on holiday and should have been around. Our builder spent an extra £40k on our build and I was cross with him at the time but it was necessary. Builders have to build in accordance with regulations and Grenfell highlihts the importance of this.

BrilliantBulb · 30/10/2021 19:55

I wanted to explain that I am not really wealthy although I know it sounds like it.
Saying something like this is at best out of touch and at worst cruel. If it’s not wealth that brought your 4 bed and is paying for your reno and your staff then what is?

Anyway, IMO the builders are at fault.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/10/2021 19:56

Oh wait, it's you again isn't it!

The ultra high earning young single mother with all the lifestyle?

PurpleFlower1983 · 30/10/2021 19:57

You and the builders are to blame, you for not insisting that any extra work was run past you personally and the builder for consulting with the help rather than the client. Was the work urgent?

Kitkat151 · 30/10/2021 19:57

Your fault OP...you should have been checking in with your builder

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 30/10/2021 19:58

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

I with you on this. We flew out to Kilimanjaro for a cocktail weekend and got back to find that the new strapping, young, firm Under Gardener had dead-headed all the roses as he thought that they had 'gorn-over' whilst in reality they were actually in BUD!

Needless to say it wasn't really his fault.
We blamed the Head Gardener and consequently turfed him and his wife out (along with the two month old twins) from the cottage in the grounds.

Anyway the Under Gardener (Mellors) is still here and has proven his weight in gold (well a large piece of him has - if you know what I mean... Blush)

Oh, where was I? I've lost my train of thought now...

Anyway he's now in the Estate Cottage, where I think we need to spend some money sprucing it up. New curtains, warmer duvet, wine fridge etc.
And maybe a shag pile carpet...

A strapping young Under Gardener called …… Mellors…….?

Sorry, not buying it.

Wink
PeoplePleaserBe · 30/10/2021 20:03

Ahhhh, you want champagne on lemonade money, that makes sense Smile

RacketeerRalph · 30/10/2021 20:04

Did you advise the house manager/ nanny not to sign off work? Did the builder know that the nanny/ house manager is not your partner?

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