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AIBU?

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Original poster

Furious with Nanny/House Manager

297 replies

Howtoworkandplay · 30/10/2021 18:12

NC as I really do not want to be outed just yet!

Have just returned from a stay abroad due to work, it took a week longer than originally planned.

We have the builders in at home doing a whole home renovation and I was the one that appointed, signed and agreed all work.

Whilst away, work has been agreed by someone other than me, and quite frankly they have ripped me off left right and centre. The builders that is! I would never have agreed to what they quoted and went ahead and did. Plus it is not really what I wanted anyway. Quotes about £15k above what it should be IMO.

My question is, should they have gone ahead with this when I was the one who has signed for work with them?

House manager acted in good faith I might add. Very loyal and trusted but not experienced in this kind of thing.

WWYD?

OP posts:
CavernousScream · 30/10/2021 18:49

If you left your au pair in full time charge of your child and living in a house being renovated, there are worse things that could have gone wrong tbh

biscuitsnotbaby · 30/10/2021 18:50

You’re being unreasonable being furious with your nanny/au pair/housekeeper/house manager. Unless house maintenance is part of their job description, and they have authorised work that was actually home improvement beyond their job scope.

You’re not being unreasonable to employ someone, although many MNers will have that down as a capital offence whilst they contribute fuck all to the economy.

BurntTheFuckOut · 30/10/2021 18:50

The builders are at fault and shouldn’t have done a thing without consent from the owner of the house, which I assume is you and only you?

BarkminsterBlue · 30/10/2021 18:51

@Howtoworkandplay

I wanted to explain that I am not really wealthy although I know it sounds like it. She lives in and looks after everything when I am away. She does get paid obvs and extra whilst I was away. This situation suits us both as I would not be able to work without this support and it is also very beneficial for her too. The builders, from what I gathered explained that it was urgently needed etc and there was obviously some confusion as she thought it had been agreed although it hadn’t by me! I am cross with her but also appreciate it is not entirely her fault. I wondered who you would see as at fault, as well as me for leaving her in this position. There really isn’t anything else to it.

Her job is Live In Nanny/ Aupair but she also looks after the house for me when away. Hope that is clearer

So the builder lied to her?

She is not at fault.

The fault lies with your dishonest builder and with you for leaving her in a project manager role that she does not have the authority or the experience to fulfil.

SW1amp · 30/10/2021 18:51

There is no such role as a nanny/au pair

There are people who have au pairs (circa £100/week) and like to pretentiously call them nannies (circa £500-700/week) to make people think they are fancy rather than having a teenage gap year student on slave money in the house

But calling them a house manager is a new one on me!
House managers usually oversee 2 or 3 staff

PuppyMonkey · 30/10/2021 18:51

I’m imagining someone like Mrs Danvers in Rebecca, anyone else? Grin

In all honesty, if the builders did stuff without checking with you, it’s them I’d be cross with, not Mrs Danvers.

Laburnam · 30/10/2021 18:51

You cannot blame your hired help unfortunately due to being out of his/her depth and miscommunication this is the result.
I’m assuming the builder has come across something structural and potentially dangerous whilst doing the refurb? This often happens and a lesson learned not to be uncontactable whilst away.
On another note building work aside why would you not be communicating with your nanny and child in this time ? That’s more important above everything

Haffdonga · 30/10/2021 18:52

Your fault.

You left the nanny/house manager/ au pair ( BIG difference in these 3 roles btw - which is she? ) in a position she was not experienced in, with authority to sign off 15k's worth of work on your behalf.

Why on earth did you not ask the builders to clear it with you? Hmm

sw1v · 30/10/2021 18:52

How old is the HM?

hibbledibble · 30/10/2021 18:52

Did you get a schedule or work and charges from the builders, and agree to this?

If not, then there is no contract with them.

With builders, you always need to agree cost in advance of work. I'm not sure how it happened that you left builders in your house while you were away with your house manager, but didn't agree on what they would do, or the costs.

The issue is between you and the builders. If you aren't happy with the work, or the cost, then discuss it with them.

Changechangychange · 30/10/2021 18:52

@LittleBearPad

The House Manager is your spouse aren’t they.
This. They are your SAHP and you think because you earn all the money you sign off on all the decisions, but you know you’ll get slaughtered on here if you say that.

How close am I? Grin

BurntTheFuckOut · 30/10/2021 18:52

I give permission for every SAHM to put House Manager on their CV when returning to work.

wewereliars · 30/10/2021 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

girlmom21 · 30/10/2021 18:52

@BurntTheFuckOut

The builders are at fault and shouldn’t have done a thing without consent from the owner of the house, which I assume is you and only you?
So what do they do if she's uncontactable for a week? And shes admitted she left the 'house manager' in charge
itsgettingwierd · 30/10/2021 18:53

@LittleBearPad

The House Manager is your spouse aren’t they.
That's what I thought 🤣🤣
Rhannion · 30/10/2021 18:54

Is that the new word for a house keeper or a project manager?

madroid · 30/10/2021 18:54

If you are the bill payer then whatever anyone else has agreed to is nothing to do with you.

If the builder has agreed work with someone other than the bill payer they are idiots because the bill payer is the only one who will pay the bill and only for the work they have agreed.

Ask for a sit down meeting with the head honcho and tell them you will not pay for work you haven't agreed to.

BTW I'm not interested in how much you earn and nor should anyone else be. It's got nothing to do with your post.

Mellowyellow222 · 30/10/2021 18:54

Heavens, an au pair isn’t a house manager. You sound like mrs bucket 😂

A house manger is qualified, oversees a team of staff, pays he household bills, often manages multiple houses and usually earns around £50k per annum plus.

It is really odd that your builder allowed the nanny to sign off of £15k worth of building work and didn’t contact you.

How did he know you could afford it? Could he not phone you?

BurntTheFuckOut · 30/10/2021 18:54

@girlmom21 If OP is working abroad, unless she’s up a mountain digging up bones, she isn’t uncontactable. At all. She’s just being a dick.

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 30/10/2021 18:54

You left the project management of your house renovation in the hand of your au pair / nanny / house manager?

Why would you do that?

I’m afraid it’s entirely you who’s at fault. I cannot for one minute fathom why you think someone who carries the job titles you’ve outlined above, would be capable of project managing a building reno - on top of their actual work. Confused

The person you should be angry with is you.

Hankunamatata · 30/10/2021 18:55

so she is your housekeeper and nanny? Id say the builders are pulling a fast one. Surely they had your mobile and email?

WeeTattieBogle · 30/10/2021 18:55

@Howtoworkandplay

I wanted to explain that I am not really wealthy although I know it sounds like it. She lives in and looks after everything when I am away. She does get paid obvs and extra whilst I was away. This situation suits us both as I would not be able to work without this support and it is also very beneficial for her too. The builders, from what I gathered explained that it was urgently needed etc and there was obviously some confusion as she thought it had been agreed although it hadn’t by me! I am cross with her but also appreciate it is not entirely her fault. I wondered who you would see as at fault, as well as me for leaving her in this position. There really isn’t anything else to it.

Her job is Live In Nanny/ Aupair but she also looks after the house for me when away. Hope that is clearer

I have a housekeeper as well as other staff at home and if a contractor had asked them for input on a project their only reply would be - you’ll have to phone Biscoffee.

In fact I’d have made it perfectly clear before I left that there were to be no changes made unless they spoke to me and I honestly don’t know how the situation has come about in your house.

I think you need to be angry with yourself.

Rhannion · 30/10/2021 18:55

Buck stops with you and the builders

Thefirsttime · 30/10/2021 18:55

@hotmeatymilk

pass the popcorn someone please Delegating this task to my house manager.
Brilliant!
Gubanc · 30/10/2021 18:55

Massive difference between an aupair and a nanny. Regarding salaries, qualifications erc.
I don't think either of them would have 'building project management' in their job description.

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