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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious with Nanny/House Manager

297 replies

Howtoworkandplay · 30/10/2021 18:12

NC as I really do not want to be outed just yet!

Have just returned from a stay abroad due to work, it took a week longer than originally planned.

We have the builders in at home doing a whole home renovation and I was the one that appointed, signed and agreed all work.

Whilst away, work has been agreed by someone other than me, and quite frankly they have ripped me off left right and centre. The builders that is! I would never have agreed to what they quoted and went ahead and did. Plus it is not really what I wanted anyway. Quotes about £15k above what it should be IMO.

My question is, should they have gone ahead with this when I was the one who has signed for work with them?

House manager acted in good faith I might add. Very loyal and trusted but not experienced in this kind of thing.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Dontgetyerknicksinatwist · 30/10/2021 19:09

@Howtoworkandplay

I wanted to explain that I am not really wealthy although I know it sounds like it. She lives in and looks after everything when I am away. She does get paid obvs and extra whilst I was away. This situation suits us both as I would not be able to work without this support and it is also very beneficial for her too. The builders, from what I gathered explained that it was urgently needed etc and there was obviously some confusion as she thought it had been agreed although it hadn’t by me! I am cross with her but also appreciate it is not entirely her fault. I wondered who you would see as at fault, as well as me for leaving her in this position. There really isn’t anything else to it.

Her job is Live In Nanny/ Aupair but she also looks after the house for me when away. Hope that is clearer

You shouldn’t have to explain yourself and so what if you were massively wealthy? You need one to cover things when you are working away and you can afford one. You are keeping someone in work in a job they want to do.
PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside · 30/10/2021 19:09

Ah, OP.

Be prepared for people to tell you you're a spoiled princess (although maybe having Nanny/House Manager in your title needs context).

Meanwhile - in a very realistic middle world... you have every right to be livid.

If the schedule of works was in place, additions or alterations have been added, you as the instigator should absolutely have been consulted.

What happened?

DogCatRabbit · 30/10/2021 19:09

You don't mention a partner; I think it was asking way, way too much of an au pair not only to take sole charge of your child while you were away (I assume?) for an extended period, but also to project manage a major renovation. If you're going to be that hands off about home and family, then it's fair to expect things like this will happen. Builders should of course have made contact with you if you're paying the bill, but maybe they assume a closer relationship between you and the au pair?

Pallisers · 30/10/2021 19:09

How on earth did the builder do work on the say-so of a nanny? There is no contract there unless you told the builder that the nanny was authorised to make decision/sign contracts on your behalf. Did you?

We've done a whole house renovation and every change was authorised by both of us and the builder followed up with a change of contract/fees. Stop being angry at the nanny and tell the builder you have no intention of paying for work you didn't authorise and what are they going to suggest to solve this.

Yamayo · 30/10/2021 19:11

So she's a nanny/au pair who 'looks after the house when you are away'?
She should never have been in a position to have to deal with renovation work issues.
Surely you weren't on Mars- if you were delayed by a week you could have easily emailed/texted the builders to let them know.

I feel rather sorry for this newly-appointed 'house manager'.

tobedtoMN · 30/10/2021 19:12

So is this person a nanny/housekeeper/house manager/project manager?

Or an au pair?

FFS

Faevern · 30/10/2021 19:12

YABU House Manager for a 4 Bed 😅

What do you have an au pair, a nanny, a house manager or a dogsbody?

Why on earth would you be furious with this person, could she not contact you?

Sounds just perfect, being left with a whole house renovation while the owner effectively abandons you.

Or perhaps she took an opportunity to bring you down a peg or two.

Or perhaps this never happened.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 30/10/2021 19:14

Tbf to OP “nanny/housekeeper” is the title of a role for a lot of nanny agencies and it basically means someone who is a nanny who is also happy to do all the cleaning.

House manager is a new one but maybe that’s another way of saying it?

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 30/10/2021 19:14

Ignore the snarking. Many people on here believe that unless you’re fighting for UC or a regular at the food bank then either you’re lying or up to you eyes in credit card debts to fund your lifestyle. If they do believe you do earn more than NMW then you’re on a par with Philip Green and are also not permitted to complain about anything.

Back on topic - your builder mugged you off knowing your house manager didn’t know all the ins and outs. I bet they questioned her previously and realised she didn’t know what to do so persuaded her to make an ‘emergency’ decision. Probably saw you had a nice house and decided to take the piss. This is one of the reasons I’m pissed off we have a tradesman/builder shortage at the moment as the cowboys have less competition.

category12 · 30/10/2021 19:16

Live In Nanny/ Aupair but she also looks after the house for me = not a project manager, not a house manager.

If you're away while renovations/building works are going on, you need to employ someone with the knowledge & experience to oversee things. If you skimp, this is what happens.

TeeTotaller1 · 30/10/2021 19:17

I might employ a ProjectNannyAuHouseKeeper when I buy my next house

thelegohooverer · 30/10/2021 19:18

The nature of building work is that there are dozens of decisions that have to made on the fly when they actually get into the job. Sometimes they can see a better solution than originally agreed, sometimes problems that were invisible come to light. It’s absolutely normal for the costs to run away if there’s not a very firm hand on the purse strings.

I think you’ve been very naive here, which is understandable if you haven’t had builders in before. But you can’t expect the builder to wait weeks to talk to you. And unless the nanny has prior experience, and an intimate knowledge of the plans and your preferences, then leaving her to deal with the builder was asking for upset.

I think you need to chalk this up to experience. If your nanny is good at her job then don’t make an issue out of something that shouldn’t even be her responsibility because good childcare is never something to take for granted.

Anybridget7 · 30/10/2021 19:20

I'd be annoyed with both parties for different reasons. More so the builders. It sounds as if they took advantage of you being away and exploited the situation.

Yamayo · 30/10/2021 19:21

How about telling the builders 'if there is an issue leave me a message/email/text'?

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 30/10/2021 19:22

@PassTheDutchyUpYrLeftBackside

Ah, OP.

Be prepared for people to tell you you're a spoiled princess (although maybe having Nanny/House Manager in your title needs context).

Meanwhile - in a very realistic middle world... you have every right to be livid.

If the schedule of works was in place, additions or alterations have been added, you as the instigator should absolutely have been consulted.

What happened?

Are you reading a different OP?

The reason the OP is getting a hard time is because she’s blaming all this one the one person who’s least at fault.

forrestgreen · 30/10/2021 19:22

I want a house manager

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 30/10/2021 19:23

@JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil

Ignore the snarking. Many people on here believe that unless you’re fighting for UC or a regular at the food bank then either you’re lying or up to you eyes in credit card debts to fund your lifestyle. If they do believe you do earn more than NMW then you’re on a par with Philip Green and are also not permitted to complain about anything.

Back on topic - your builder mugged you off knowing your house manager didn’t know all the ins and outs. I bet they questioned her previously and realised she didn’t know what to do so persuaded her to make an ‘emergency’ decision. Probably saw you had a nice house and decided to take the piss. This is one of the reasons I’m pissed off we have a tradesman/builder shortage at the moment as the cowboys have less competition.

Are you reading a different thread?

The reason the OP is getting a hard time is because she’s blaming the one person least at fault.

I’m not even sure why she’s posted, or what she wants from people.

Orla1970 · 30/10/2021 19:23

Doesn’t sound like you actually have a “house manager”. She is a nanny/au pair who house sits when you’re away. You should let her be an au pair and employ a project manager for your renovation especially if you’re not in the country to do it yourself.

dresstokillmytime · 30/10/2021 19:25

It's the contractors that are responsible for this, they should not have gone to your nanny for approval. Clearly your nanny shouldn't have said yes but she's not really the one who has fucked up.

Kanaloa · 30/10/2021 19:25

She can’t be a nanny and an aupair. They’re two totally different jobs. An aupair is someone who ‘helps out’ in return for a small wage, often called ‘pocket money.’ A nanny cares for your children usually for a set wage. If she’s being left alone for a week with your children she’s a nanny.

So firstly I would look at sorting out your employer/employee relationship because if I’m being honest it sounds like you’re confused. You need to know whether she’s a nanny or an au pair to ensure you’re not taking advantage of her. If she’s an au pair then you are.

Secondly, this needs to be used as a way to open communication. Why was she blindsided by the builders? Why didn’t she know she could immediately call you to deal with this? Why didn’t you, knowing they would be coming, sidestep this issue by phoning them in advance?

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 30/10/2021 19:26

No l wouldn't be furious with the nanny.

Perhaps you should have anticipated this and left clear instructions

Somebodylikeyew · 30/10/2021 19:26

Well if your orders were as clear as your OP I’m not surprised its gone wrong.

HumourReplacementTherapy · 30/10/2021 19:26

"wondered who you would see as at fault, as well as me for leaving her in this position. There really isn’t anything else to it. "

I think it's solely ........ You OP Smile
You're at fault for not setting clear instruction Re unexpected works which might have only been revealed once the work had started.
Shit always happens when you have builders in, there are often unexpected costs during a renovation so I think you should have been explicit with the builder and told him to email you immediately if something arose and if possible continue with other work until you responded. Or at least communicated with house manager what decisions she should/shouldn't make.
Have a Gin

Ellmau · 30/10/2021 19:27

Can you not say your employee had no authority to agree this and they must undo it at their own expense?

Muminabun · 30/10/2021 19:28

She cannot agree to anything related to your property and your money. The builders cannot take authority form anyone but you. They know this. They tried to scam you as they know you are away. Refuse to pay. I would be speaking to a solicitor and trading standards for advice and I would not handover a penny until I had full legal advice. Let builders ‘ow that you will be seeking advice before any payment is made. They have probably done this many times before. Good luck op.