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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Furious with Nanny/House Manager

297 replies

Howtoworkandplay · 30/10/2021 18:12

NC as I really do not want to be outed just yet!

Have just returned from a stay abroad due to work, it took a week longer than originally planned.

We have the builders in at home doing a whole home renovation and I was the one that appointed, signed and agreed all work.

Whilst away, work has been agreed by someone other than me, and quite frankly they have ripped me off left right and centre. The builders that is! I would never have agreed to what they quoted and went ahead and did. Plus it is not really what I wanted anyway. Quotes about £15k above what it should be IMO.

My question is, should they have gone ahead with this when I was the one who has signed for work with them?

House manager acted in good faith I might add. Very loyal and trusted but not experienced in this kind of thing.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 30/10/2021 18:39

@hotmeatymilk

pass the popcorn someone please Delegating this task to my house manager.
🤣🤣🤣
Original poster
Howtoworkandplay · 30/10/2021 18:39

I wanted to explain that I am not really wealthy although I know it sounds like it. She lives in and looks after everything when I am away. She does get paid obvs and extra whilst I was away. This situation suits us both as I would not be able to work without this support and it is also very beneficial for her too. The builders, from what I gathered explained that it was urgently needed etc and there was obviously some confusion as she thought it had been agreed although it hadn’t by me! I am cross with her but also appreciate it is not entirely her fault. I wondered who you would see as at fault, as well as me for leaving her in this position. There really isn’t anything else to it.

Her job is Live In Nanny/ Aupair but she also looks after the house for me when away. Hope that is clearer

OP posts:
doublemonkey · 30/10/2021 18:39

Sounds like you were out of contact for an extra week? You didn't call the person overseeing the work at all and I presume they didn't get in touch to let you know that X job was going to cost ££ extra??

Viviennemary · 30/10/2021 18:40

Depends on the agreements you had with these people . Was this house manager (whatever that is) authorised to make decisions on your behalf. Surely you were in contact by e-mail or phone.

Maireas · 30/10/2021 18:40

Where is your wife/husband in all this?

Nyxs · 30/10/2021 18:41

Bets on, op has a nanny.

She went away for work. Ops partner or spouse or other adult who lives with her, authorised the work.

Op for some reason blames the nanny. But then doesn't blame the nanny.

Unless op explicitly told the builder only she could authorise work and made sure they could contact her, there's only the op to blame.

Lunde · 30/10/2021 18:42

So this was a house sitter /aupair? .... and you left them n charge of building work? Confused

Soontobe60 · 30/10/2021 18:42

@Howtoworkandplay

I wanted to explain that I am not really wealthy although I know it sounds like it. She lives in and looks after everything when I am away. She does get paid obvs and extra whilst I was away. This situation suits us both as I would not be able to work without this support and it is also very beneficial for her too. The builders, from what I gathered explained that it was urgently needed etc and there was obviously some confusion as she thought it had been agreed although it hadn’t by me! I am cross with her but also appreciate it is not entirely her fault. I wondered who you would see as at fault, as well as me for leaving her in this position. There really isn’t anything else to it.

Her job is Live In Nanny/ Aupair but she also looks after the house for me when away. Hope that is clearer

How long was the ‘house manager’ living in the house for whilst it was being completely renovated? Why didn’t you either take her with you or put her up in a hotel whilst the building work was going on? How long were you away? Also, what was the original quote for the work, and how much extra have you had to pay?
EvenRosesHaveThorns · 30/10/2021 18:42

'Modest' 4 bed detached with a house keeper? - a 4 bed detached is a mansion to a lot of people, comes across somewhat out of touch I'm afraid

WheelieBinPrincess · 30/10/2021 18:42

Nanny and Au Pair are TOTALLY separate things.

You have no idea if you think this is in any way an au pair role, au pairs are largely working for cultural and language experiences and get paid pocket money as a wage.

category12 · 30/10/2021 18:43

House manager acted in good faith I might add. Very loyal and trusted but not experienced in this kind of thing.

Then being furious with them is unreasonable.

Were you not in contact with them and the builders in the time you were away? Seems odd that they would make decisions for you when we have the internet these days.

Nyxs · 30/10/2021 18:43

@Howtoworkandplay

I wanted to explain that I am not really wealthy although I know it sounds like it. She lives in and looks after everything when I am away. She does get paid obvs and extra whilst I was away. This situation suits us both as I would not be able to work without this support and it is also very beneficial for her too. The builders, from what I gathered explained that it was urgently needed etc and there was obviously some confusion as she thought it had been agreed although it hadn’t by me! I am cross with her but also appreciate it is not entirely her fault. I wondered who you would see as at fault, as well as me for leaving her in this position. There really isn’t anything else to it.

Her job is Live In Nanny/ Aupair but she also looks after the house for me when away. Hope that is clearer

So where was your partner.

You said main bread winner, implying there is another earner in the household.

If the nanny was led to believe yiu had authorised it, why would you blame her at all?

CaptainMyCaptain · 30/10/2021 18:43

@Firefightress1

What's a house manager? is it like a house keeper?
Project manager?
Lightswitch123 · 30/10/2021 18:44

Sounds like you were out of contact with everyone? With no agreement about what to do in the circumstance something cropped up on the building project?

Afraid that you are to blame here OP. if you're getting work done you absolutely need to make sure you are avaliable within a reasonable time scale otherwise these things will happen

Hope it hasn't been too expensive a mistake.

Maireas · 30/10/2021 18:44

If she's actually an Au Pair, maybe she isn't fluent in English and there was a communication problem with the builder?.

HarrisonStickle · 30/10/2021 18:45

The builders, from what I gathered explained that it was urgently needed etc and there was obviously some confusion as she thought it had been agreed although it hadn’t by me! I am cross with her but also appreciate it is not entirely her fault.

It's not remotely her fault. She thought it had been agreed between you and the builder, who should have been phoning you about it not talking to your nanny. If you weren't contactable during a time of major building work, it's also your fault.

HarrisonStickle · 30/10/2021 18:46

Meant to say it's the builder's fault, and yours if you weren't contactable.

TatianaBis · 30/10/2021 18:46

It’s a life lesson OP - if you have builders you need to be on-site or visiting the site regularly, not palming it off one someone else.

It was very naive of you to think that would work.

Be angry with yourself, be angry with the builders. Most of all chalk ir up to experience.

Motnight · 30/10/2021 18:46

You dropped the ball on this Op, no one else.

Cameleongirl · 30/10/2021 18:46

So you’re saying that the house manager signed paperwork authorizing additional expenses that run into thousands without texting/calling you to discuss?

That’s bizarre and it sounds as if you didn’t clearly explain how they were supposed to handle any questions from the builders. If you did and they ignored your instructions, that’s a big problem.

Grimbelina · 30/10/2021 18:47

You seem to have a 'house manager' who appears to be both nanny and housekeeper on an au pair's wage, working around the clock and living on a building site. Is that right?

If so, I think the only person bearing any responsibility is you... for exploitation as well as for the renovation issues.

FlyingWhistle · 30/10/2021 18:47

Why couldn't the builder ask you?

girlmom21 · 30/10/2021 18:48

If it's a miscommunication between the builder and nanny it's neither of their faults because you should've made sure they both understand their roles and requirements.

sw1v · 30/10/2021 18:48

Sorry OP, but I think this is nothing to do with the HM.

It’s your fault because you unexpectedly stayed away an extra week and did not check in with the builder during this time.

It’s the builders’ fault because they did not bother to call / email you about this added expense.

So it’s between you and the builder.

Do you often leave your child with the HM for an extra (unexpected) week?

MurielSpriggs · 30/10/2021 18:48

@Howtoworkandplay

I wanted to explain that I am not really wealthy although I know it sounds like it. She lives in and looks after everything when I am away. She does get paid obvs and extra whilst I was away. This situation suits us both as I would not be able to work without this support and it is also very beneficial for her too. The builders, from what I gathered explained that it was urgently needed etc and there was obviously some confusion as she thought it had been agreed although it hadn’t by me! I am cross with her but also appreciate it is not entirely her fault. I wondered who you would see as at fault, as well as me for leaving her in this position. There really isn’t anything else to it.

Her job is Live In Nanny/ Aupair but she also looks after the house for me when away. Hope that is clearer

From this update I would say that she had "ostensible authority" and the builders were entitled to take instructions from her.