Birthday cake

[Thundercats77]

Long winded.... Today is my DS 1st birthday. We intend to celebrate this tomorrow with family and friends and have hired a venue and entertainment etc to do so (we couldn't find a venue today).

Today his actual birthday day, we are taking DS out to the circus . The circus is very close to where my parents live so we will be popping in to see them.

I have specifically told my family not to get/make a cake as it won't be fair on DS other set of grandparents, DH side and we will all do one together tomorrow.

My husband and I will cut a cupcake with him today.

DGP asked if they could come round prior to going to the circus to drop off his presents. DH said yes but pressies only and nothing else.

They've come round and MIL has baked a cake with a candle declaring to wake DS up we are going to cut the cake.

I looked at DH who gave a well what can you do look to me and said meakley I said pressies only.

MIL piped up again, we are going to cut the cake. I had to then intercept as I was quite agitated at this point that I had said no cakes etc to my parents etc etc. And now it won't be fair on them so we won't cut the cake.

PIL seemed upset and said OK we will cut the cake tomorrow.

MIL always has a habit of doing what she wants.

AIBU to have said what I did?
If so any suggestions on how to handle this better.

It's put a real dampener on the day.

@Saintemllionsfinest

Bloody hell my kids get 3 birthday cakes sometimes. What does it matter!!

But that obviously works for you

How would you feel if you said no to something, then people did it anyway?

It’s not about the cake

It's about the OP getting 'agitated' over trivial shit and feeling a shadow has been cast over her kid's birthday because she couldn't control every single element of the day.

Wow, how on earth do you handle real problems in your life?

I could find this OTT behaviour draining.

What a load of pfb nonsense.

You can have a birthday cake every day for a week if you wanted to. I doubt anyone else minds or cares. All this "it's not fair" angst is just in your head.

And taking a one year old to the circus as a treat?

YANBU op for no other reason than you explicitly asked a grown adult not to do something and they came to your house and did it anyway.
I think she told her mum not to make a cake, but MIL is the one who made a cake. MIL has not been told not to make a cake.

My ds and his wife recently celebrated my dgs 1st birthday . Due to building work they had no kitchen and the party was held at his brother's house. My son asked me to make a birthday cake for our dgs.I checked with my dil that this was ok. It was . She also bought a cake and decorated it herself. These cakes were cut at the family party. My dgs also had a children’s party at a venue on his actual birthday.His maternal gps were invited to that and a cake was bought for that occasion by my dil . Everyone was present at one of the two happy birthday singing/ cake cutting/ cake eating occasions.Very importantly everyone was listened to -plans included everyone equally and no one felt left out.These early occasions when milestones are celebrated can be difficult. Everyone is worried that they will no longer have equal access or be given the same importance when a new family with different customs and traditions joins with another family.Asking family members not to do something and then having those wishes ignored is not conducive to future happiness for anyone. My own MIL behaved badly with our wedding album . She refused to give my parents a chance to take it to show relatives in Scotland. Many years later she revealed to me that she hadn’t wanted our relatives to see her ex husband as “ he looked awful in his suit”!!!!

Wow, 7 pages of angst all about a 1 year old having too many people who want to eat cake with him?

@JudgeRindersMinder

“Cut a cupcake with him”. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This thread’s hilarious-one day you’ll look back and cringe

I agree. I can just imagine the solemnity of the occasion as the precious cupcake is cut. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

If so any suggestions on how to handle this better

“That’s kind of you MIL! I’ll put it on one side for the party tomorrow so everyone can share it. I won’t wake the baby, he’s tired from being out today.”

I couldn’t get beyond taking a one year old to a circus for a treat !

You do realise that your 1 year old doesn't give a fat rat's crack about circus's, birthday parties or cake, so absolutely nothing has been ruined.

'a fat rat's crack'

Honestly you sound so precious. You really think other people care about such things? They don't.

@Fetarabbit

If this is for real, sit down and relax with a slice of cake and a cuppa. Honestly, no one will give a crap tomorrow if there was also some cake today, absolutely no one. Also circus for a first birthday...why?

Nods in agreement. I am pretty sure that being taken to Blackpool Tower Circus as a small child , sitting in the expensive front row seats and being fussed * over by clowns has marked me for life. In fact I know it has. Be prepared for extensive therapy OP, or unexplained nightmares.

(* middle aged men with bad breath and five o clock shadow spikes poking through greasy white make up...... no child should be subjected to it)

Cut the damn cake , freeze it. All she wants is a photograph to show to her friends.

Where are you based?

I will gladly take the cake off your hands.

A big fuss over nothing.

Not fair on who? Grown adults? A one year old?
Relax, more candles, cakes to enjoy! You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

A lot of people are being really nasty, and (deliberately?) missing the point. Sorry OP

What point? Loving family wanting to celebrate the child’s birthday ON his birthday? Enjoy all the cakes!

🤦‍♀️ Stop being such a precious drama queen for goodness sake 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

😂😂😂😂

How absolutely ridiculous. But, thank you for giving me a laugh.

How could you have handled it...

1. If someone bakes a cake for your sons birthday, you say 'awesome, thanks so much'

1. Don't make such a ridiculous fuss about things that don't matter

1. Don't wake a sleeping baby

1. A circus is pointless for a 1 year old

I thought circuses were bad now because of animal cruelty and such.

I can see why you'd be upset/agitated having said to your own family not to give any cake if it was to spare MIL feelings. But perhaps saying to both sets of grandparents may have avoided this entire scenario?

It kind of sounds like theres alot more to the story of why you might be annoyed? Honestly though it's not the hill to die on so just enjoy DS birthday and still do cake tomorrow. I'm sure all parties involved will just be glad to have extra cake haha

@SparrowNest

A lot of people are being really nasty, and (deliberately?) missing the point. Sorry OP

Because she didn’t hesitate to make her in-laws feel bad for what was a kind gesture.

Your son is one. ONE. He won’t remember anything about his birthday. You are being very controlling telling MIL she can’t bring a cake. It’s nice that she’s made the effort to bake one. You can never have too much cake. You are being utterly ridiculous and are over-reacting immensely.

Tell me that you've got a PFB without telling me that you've got a PFB 😅