To think there's a stigma over having a third child?

[Beachloveramy]

Please tell me I'm not alone.

I already have a 14 year old I had quite young and a three year old (with my husband) and I'm 3 months pregnant with our third child.

As I've slowly told people about the pregnancy I've received a lot of comments such as "you're pregnant again?!"

Now, I don't exactly feel as if I've been popping them out, there are fairly big age gaps between my children. Myself and my husband do also both work full time and support our own family but for some reason I can't be completely excited about this baby as there seems to be a stigma associated.

I'm I being paranoid or are woman judged for having more than two children?

@tiggerwhocamefortea

Ah the environmentally sanctimonious who base being childfree decisions around environmental concerns - they ought to ponder who exactly it will be paying for their pensions one day 🤔

Who exactly is paying for the education of said kids right now? This always makes me laugh as a counter argument.

@Lucythewonderdog I don't understand your point? You don't think there are economic implications of a declining birth rate? Also I'm not sure you understand how taxes work.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 because child rearing takes up so much energy and time.
I have loved the baby stage too, and adore my children, but I have devoted 20 years to supporting my growing kids.
I don't begrudge that time or effort and I love being a mother, but I am also a person, a woman, and 20 years of my life is quite enough to be changing nappies/school runs/ferrying kids to after school activities/ homework etc.
I have a life too, and I want to spend a good deal of it pursuing my interests, hobbies, growing my business- all these things are so much harder when you have little ones.
I shudder at the thought of a new baby and a 15 year old- turning that 20 years of child rearing into 36 years.

As most people have defined contribution pensions with auto-enrolment, the state pension is low with the age ever increasing, and DB pensions will probably be extinct in a generation, I’d say that most people pay for their own pensions now and certainly will in the future.

Nobodys business. I have 2. Alot of my friends have 3. Its whats right for you

Show them this article OP re the declining birth rate and the effect it will have on the economy. They’ll be paying people to have more children soon

[quote RussianSpy101]@Pumperthepumper what argument? I had 3 children because I wanted 3. I might have another, haven’t decided yet.
Sometimes, when I can be bothered.[/quote]
That if you don’t live a 100% perfectly ethically happy life, you’re a hypocrite to try and reduce damage. It’s lazy and boring.

@carpetbugs

I agree we need to have ‘some’ children but if we all had 3/4/5 the environmental impact is extreme. All that food, water, energy etc.

But we aren't all having 3/4/5 & no one is saying we should.

I agree but edit it to “selfish/hypocritical to have ANY children”

If you are really concerned about the environment then I agree we shouldn't have any children at all in the west. I have 2 dc, I'm not doing to judge someone in Africa having 5.

I don't think anyone on this thread has been 'judging' African women. I made a reference to (some) girls in (some) parts of Africa having many children because there is a direct link to girls in these regions living in poverty being forced into child marriage, which results in high numbers of offspring over a lifetime. My comment was related to the link between sponsoring girls' education in developing countries to a reduction in birthrates in regions where it would have the greatest positive impact on climate change.

The World Vision website says this:

Why do girls need sponsors? Every year, nearly 12 million girls are forced into child marriage. Girls in extreme poverty are less likely to be sent to school, and women and girls are more likely to suffer during humanitarian crises. That means they're more likely to become young mums struggling to care for their families, rather than thriving, successful young women with their whole lives ahead of them. By sponsoring a girl, you'll give a vulnerable girl power over her future. So she can break free from the cycle of poverty and achieve anything she sets her mind to.

I’m not “jealous” of those with multiple children we could easily afford it. But since learning about Malthus theory at school over population has concerned me - let alone with the climate crisis too. England seems awfully crowded. I wouldn’t be rude enough to comment to your face but I no won’t be gushing about how marvellous it is. Sorry not sorry.

Slightly off topic but does Boris actually have 8 kids?? I thought it was 6.

I have three under 8
Initially it was three under 4

I am not unusual at school and nursery there are loads of three children families with all of them very close in age together

I don't know whether even he knows @Heepers

3 is very normal. I didn't start getting stupid comments until my 4th. Just had my 5th last year (and I've got 19 years between oldest and youngest).

Ignore everyone else's opinion. The only opinion that matters is yours and your husbands.

People always feel they can comment on the number of kids you have. If you have one, you're selfish and setting your arrogant, self centred kid up for a lifetime of loneliness and misery. Three or more and you've clearly got too much time on your hands, too much money, or you're also selfish and needy.

As someone who struggled to have one child, and would have liked two I, privately, have always thought three or more is just greedy. But that's due to my own circumstances. As long as you are happy with the level of lifestyle you can maintain, have as many kids as nature will allow you.

People are very negative about large families. They are (IMO) outrageously outspoken about it.

@Ginger1982

3 or more is just greedy
what do you mean? in what wa?
genuine question, I've not heard anyone say that so just interested.
you don't have to answer btw

(I've been told "glutton for punishment", which is meaningless to me)

YANBU!

@Pumperthepumper you sound great fun.

[quote ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba]@Ginger1982

3 or more is just greedy
what do you mean? in what wa?
genuine question, I've not heard anyone say that so just interested.
you don't have to answer btw

(I've been told "glutton for punishment", which is meaningless to me)[/quote]
I suppose that's just my own personal way of thinking about it! Because I struggled to have one and have been unable to have two (which is what is seen as average and 'normal' where I am) the fact that some people are able to have three or more just seems like a flagrant 'boast' of fertility. If I had been able to have two, I would have been quite satisfied and therefore I feel that everyone should be satisfied if they make it to two!

I do realise, before I get flamed, that this is not really a normal way of looking at things!

Just been to a family do with my two children.
My aunt took me aside and advised me not to have a third.
I was about to announce my pregnancy :-s

You know some rude people. Just tell them you’re doing a Kate Middleton, if she can have 3 then so can you, and don’t get me started on Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay with their 5. Our National birth rate is declining, so those willing to take on the extra work/costs of 3 children, bravo. My 3rd turned out to be twins, but of a shocker in pre scan days, only found out 6 weeks before birth.

[quote RussianSpy101]@Pumperthepumper you sound great fun.[/quote]
I’m not the one claiming doing anything for the environment is hypocritical.

Ugh yes, all the "Ooh haven't you got your hands full haha?!" comments. Yawn.
I'd be equally pissed off though if we only had one and kept getting nagged about why we weren't having more!

@Ginger1982

thanks for explaining and I hope you won't get flamed. I'm certainly not going to, I appreciate your answer.

I think I understand what you mean and here's the other side: we have very close friends who couldn't have another despite desperately trying so when I fell pg with my 4th I remember feeling at some point as if I was "rubbing it in her face" - which is of course ridiculous, DH and I had discussed having a big family years before we even met them! And our choices had zero to do with anyone else's situation.

I'm sorry for all the struggles and heartbreak you must have gone through.

There are already too many people in the world (Africa's population is set to double), scarce and finite resources for which we are destroying the planet, so, yes, three children is selfish and just creates problems all round. I wouldn't say it to your face, but I'd be thinking, "Why do you need more kids?".