To think there's a stigma over having a third child?

[Beachloveramy]

Please tell me I'm not alone.

I already have a 14 year old I had quite young and a three year old (with my husband) and I'm 3 months pregnant with our third child.

As I've slowly told people about the pregnancy I've received a lot of comments such as "you're pregnant again?!"

Now, I don't exactly feel as if I've been popping them out, there are fairly big age gaps between my children. Myself and my husband do also both work full time and support our own family but for some reason I can't be completely excited about this baby as there seems to be a stigma associated.

I'm I being paranoid or are woman judged for having more than two children?

Yeah I'm always suprised by people having 3 given environment reasons. Also, some then struggle to give all 3 kids great opportunities.

Yes there is a stigma and there should be, from an environmental perspective.

However, on the other hand I don't like people being judgey about women having babies. They're never judgey about the men's reproductive choices, only the women's.

What's with everyone saying X number is the norm! There is no norm! Where I live, an affluent area, a lot of white people have 4-5 children.

I’m afraid that yes I do judge women in western countries who make a decision to have three children. I wouldn’t however be rude to the women themselves or treat them differently for their choices but behind a facade I do think it’s a poor choice.

I can't judge someone for having one more dc than me. Environmentally we shouldn't be having any surely? economically I believe we should be having some & as we are currently at a rate of 1.6 some need to be having 3.

Anyone told our esteemed leader that he shouldn't be a bloody hypocrite by going to environmental summits when he's shagging around producing children at a great rate of knots!

I’m aware this is becoming the “cancel the cheque” of this thread but… it’s the age gap.

@ColinTheKoala

Yes there is a stigma and there should be, from an environmental perspective.

However, on the other hand I don't like people being judgey about women having babies. They're never judgey about the men's reproductive choices, only the women's.

People go on about Boris having 8 children.

If there is a stigma concerning parents who can afford a 3rd, I can’t think my dd has ever noticed it. Or if she has, she gives not a toss. A friend of hers recently had a 3rd baby, too.

It’s a rather different matter IMO if parents can’t afford to feed, clothe and house the children they already have.

@SudokuWillNotSaveYou

I’m aware this is becoming the “cancel the cheque” of this thread but… it’s the age gap.

What's wrong with the age gap?

I think more people are aware of climate change and the impact that having more than 2 children has on the environment which is why some people may question your decision

3 is quite normal I think

[quote RussianSpy101]**@LakieLady* @ThirdElephant* I’d be a hypocrite if I had stopped at 1 for that reason.
We’re a meat eating family of 5, with 2 diesel 4x4s and take at least 2/3 foreign holidays a year.
If people want to judge me they’re welcome to. Won’t affect my life.[/quote]
I’m not judging you, rather I am curious. There is plenty of information to suggest that the planet is in serious harm and that unless we make huge environmental changes, there could be serious consequences in the very near future.

I don’t worry about the future because I don’t have kids. I do feel guilty about my environmental impact (I’m not perfect by any stretch) though and try to make changes/choices that will lessen my footprint because I believe it is important to try to salvage something for future generations.

Having 5 in your family, do you not worry about what the future holds for your kids (and possible grandad kids)? You seem confident in your choices which you obviously know are harmful to the environment, do you not see any value in making changes to try to reduce your footprint?

People go on about Boris having 8 children

yes but that's because they're with different women

and because it's Boris - he's fair game

I feel like from where I am, people seem to associate having more kids as a status thing, like they're able to afford it - it's starting to become a lot more common to have more than 2.

@woohoo54 but 2 dc isn't good for the environment?

And because he won’t even acknowledge at least one of them!

it's starting to become a lot more common to have more than 2.

Is it? statistically that's not what the data says?

@spookybitches

I wonder if your status reason is part of why people like to bleat on about the environment to sound superior/go on about how difficult it must be without having any personal experience. Is it really jealousy for not being able to afford more?

I’d be a hypocrite if I had stopped at 1 for that reason.
We’re a meat eating family of 5, with 2 diesel 4x4s and take at least 2/3 foreign holidays a year

yes but if you had stopped at one, you'd be a meat eating family of 3, maybe not "need" two SUVs and you'd be using less space on aeroplanes

Is it really jealousy for not being able to afford more?

I think I read that lots of dc were now the ultimate status symbol as so many people can't afford that.

I think people comment far too freely on others family plans regardless of number of children. I have a few friends who have a couple of kids who are very vocal about never having a third but are constantly asking me when I’m having another baby like it’d be the best thing ever 🤷🏼‍♀️ If I return the question they seem offended.

I very much want another baby, the age gap with my children will pretty big (due to circumstances surrounding my current children’s disabilities and genetic testing we have had to explore and tests we will need during pregnancy) I imagine we will get many judgmental comments should we be lucky enough to add to our family.

You just need to remember it’s no one else’s business. Don’t let anyone put a downer on a pregnancy you are happy about, you enjoy it and celebrate it. I certainly hope I’ll be able to do the same at some point next year. Congratulations

Lol people will have a field day with us because I'm on No.2 (Due January 22, 1st born was born September 2020) and I am hoping that the fertility gods allow me to have another 2-3 kids in the years to come. So 4-5 in total. I got all those lovely comments after announcing I was pregnant again after having my first, don't let it get to you. People just LOVE to comment on all that stuff - like they have nothing else to do/talk about.

I didn't realise so many people had an opinion about what the wrong or right age gaps are tbh.

I don’t understand why people care if an age gap is large, incidentally, and I find the idea of “wanting to get the baby stage out of the way” actually quite sad. The baby bit is great! I always think when I’ve had my last baby I would be so tempted when the youngest is quite a bit older to have another as it’s so delicious ❤️

give me a newborn over a toddler any day 😆