To think there's a stigma over having a third child?

[Beachloveramy]

Please tell me I'm not alone.

I already have a 14 year old I had quite young and a three year old (with my husband) and I'm 3 months pregnant with our third child.

As I've slowly told people about the pregnancy I've received a lot of comments such as "you're pregnant again?!"

Now, I don't exactly feel as if I've been popping them out, there are fairly big age gaps between my children. Myself and my husband do also both work full time and support our own family but for some reason I can't be completely excited about this baby as there seems to be a stigma associated.

I'm I being paranoid or are woman judged for having more than two children?

Most of my friends have 3. One e en has 4..

Awareness that having a child is the single largest individual contributer to climate change. Also might seem a bit strange to people given what we know now about the lives children born now are going to have

Try having 4..."oh, don't you have a TV?", "you do know what's causing this to happen?" etc etc.

Where I live (affluent SE town) 3 is fairly normal and several friends have 4 (and a couple, more)

Completely agree with the environmental sanctimony mentioned upthread. We walk everywhere we can, almost never fly as a family, recycle, hand down clothes etc. I think that as a family we are far less environmentally damaging than friends of mine with 1 or 2 children who fly abroad 3 or 4 times a year, drive large 4x4s etc. Populations in the West are declining, not replacing themselves.

We pay shedloads of tax and can afford our family....there will be 4 law abiding, tax paying citizens helping to pay for future pensions, services etc.

If you can afford them and do as much as you can to reduce the environmental impact, then I don't think it is anyone else's business.

Two seems to be the norm here too - replace yourselves and done.

I had an unplanned 3rd pregnancy which ended in miscarriage. It was an awful experience but I had also been very unhappy at being pregnant again. The thought of 3 children was daunting.

Everything seems to be set up for mum, dad and two children - cars, hotel rooms - even knees to sit on. You can carry one child each - who carries the third?? Children's shoes are really expensive - the thought of buying three lots of school shoes / trainers / wellies....

Now that DC are at Uni we can just afford to pay for two. The third would have had to be sent down the mines!

So if someone announced a third pregnancy I'd say congratulations but would be thinking you're bonkers!

It's the age gap.

I thought it was 2.4 children to replace the population as you have to cover those that don’t have kids.

When I think of 3 kids I am part envious, part shocked at the idea of trying to cope. Don’t worry OP. People just don’t think.

Ha. I’ve got 9!

I can’t say I noticed any negativity towards me til I got to number 5, but then maybe they were saying it behind my back!

You need to stop caring what other people think of your choices. I can’t ever imagine being such a boring person I’d care how many kids someone had.

Also might seem a bit strange to people given what we know now about the lives children born now are going to have

Surely this applies to all children though?

Countries need a birth rate of 2.1 to sustain population but in Europe the rate is as low as 1.59

According to the UN 2/3 of countries in Europe have introduced measures to increase fertility rates

If they aren't concerned at the highest level about how many children we should have I don't see why I should be - especially when I can pay for them without relaying on any form of benefits. Let them get on with restricting our lightbulbs and making us drive electric cars and leave my uterus alone

@Ericaequites

Three children is harder than two. Not many cars will hold three child seats unless you buy a people mover. Most holidays are set up for two adults and two children. It can be hard to give all your children individual time. If you and your husband each have a favorite, it can be hard when the third child feels left out. If you have three close together, childcare costs can make it economically difficult for both parents to work. I see more disadvantages than advantages, but am a third child much younger than the other two.

Most of the comments on here are predictable, but this one is flabbergasting.

Who has favourite children?

The UK birth rate is 1.6 so we actually do need those immigrants that people hate.

I think it's the age gap.
If your kids were 5 and 2 I think you may get a different reaction.
Most people have children quite close together- having a 15 year old and a baby would not be a choice for everyone.
Potentially one child starting universityy while the youngest hasn't even started school.
It draws out the caring role of a parent- let's face it the mother over a very very long time.
Many wouldn't want that.

@blanketg

In the UK with the declining birth rate I don't personally think having 3 is that big a deal as many aren't having any.

One of the reasons (admittedly, not the only one) I’ve chosen to not have children is because of the environmental impact.

I’m not a saint when it comes to every choice I make regarding the environment, and I don’t begrudge anyone the right to have children. It seems a bit flippant to not at least consider the impact a third child might have on the planet though - they’re the ones that are going to have to live in the mess we’ve made for them.

Completely agree with the environmental sanctimony mentioned upthread. We walk everywhere we can, almost never fly as a family, recycle, hand down clothes etc. I think that as a family we are far less environmentally damaging than friends of mine with 1 or 2 children who fly abroad 3 or 4 times a year, drive large 4x4s etc. Populations in the West are declining, not replacing themselves

Newsflash, you're wrong. Having even one child is far more environmentally damaging than all the other things you mention.

Once you've had DC, you're so far ahead of the child free on environmental impact that you're a massive hypocrite for judging the child free for flying, driving, eating meat etc however often they do it.

www.theguardian.com/environment/2017/jul/12/want-to-fight-climate-change-have-fewer-children

Ignore the environmental argument nonsense. Birth rate in the uk is 1.6 replacement level is 2.1. So we’re way below that. Also carbon consumption is wealth dependent not population size dependent. Also for all those people handwringing about the “state of the world” you are bringing children into never before have we had higher rates of literacy, vaccinations, life expectancy, wealth etc etc and Lower levels of violence, increased opportunities for women . There has literally never been a better time to be born than now.

@Goatinthegarden if one is concerned about the they’re the ones that are going to have to live in the mess we’ve made for them point I don't understand why you would have any at all.

Many women aren't having dc hence why the birth rate is so low so having a 3rd in the UK is not that a big a deal. People are living longer hence why we have an ageing population. This is actually something the government need to address & start planning for, the new health tax will not cut it.

I wasn't judging the childfree (if you read my post, I referenced those with fewer children driving 4x4s and flying regularly, neither of which we do).

I'm aware 4 is environmentally damaging but we do all we can to minimise as much as possible.

Unless and until China, India, Australia et al start seriously amending their behaviours, and we ALL make day to day adjustments, whether I have 1 or 10 children really isn't going to change the trajectory.....

@BarbaraofSeville wasn't that poster comparing herself to people with dc not those without?

People are a lot more aware of overpopulation and climate change now.

I think it's this too. Globally we're over populated and more people see the effects of this now.

There no stigma.

Unless and until China, India, Australia et al start seriously amending their behaviours, and we ALL make day to day adjustments, whether I have 1 or 10 children really isn't going to change the trajectory.....

And China introduced a 3 child policy

The only thing I think, as a mum of a very demanding 2 yo, is why would you want to go back there again! But fair enough if you enjoy the punishment

Ah the environmentally sanctimonious who base being childfree decisions around environmental concerns - they ought to ponder who exactly it will be paying for their pensions one day 🤔

I don’t judge people with three, four or more children, if they can afford to care for them. I’m not particularly interested. I have friends with no children up to six children.

Call it environmental sanctimony if you want but it is true that having (any) children is the worst thing you can do environmentally. Many people feel that replacing themselves is justifiable but adding to the global tally of overpopulation is not.