To think there's a stigma over having a third child?

[Beachloveramy]

Please tell me I'm not alone.

I already have a 14 year old I had quite young and a three year old (with my husband) and I'm 3 months pregnant with our third child.

As I've slowly told people about the pregnancy I've received a lot of comments such as "you're pregnant again?!"

Now, I don't exactly feel as if I've been popping them out, there are fairly big age gaps between my children. Myself and my husband do also both work full time and support our own family but for some reason I can't be completely excited about this baby as there seems to be a stigma associated.

I'm I being paranoid or are woman judged for having more than two children?

@middlenglander

Presumably you don’t have any children due to the environment?

Nope. Having children is inherently for one's self and claiming otherwise is self delusion. We have too many people in the world, having kids is the biggest way to increase your carbon footprint! We love our child-free life: more time, money and energy, although would in future perhaps look to adopt or foster in order to extend our good fortune to hopefully help someone who is already here and probably suffering for one reason or another.

Are you aware of the population decline?

No population decline in the world as a whole yet, and people will continue to migrate to richer, less crowded areas so it will balance out. I would welcome an actual population decline, as it would benefit everyone and especially the planet and other living creatures (with the proviso that we all make sure to consider our old age provision to counteract any temporary fluctuations in state tax take).

Genuinely baffled that anyone can advocate that we need the population to increase?! Do you really think that or just saying it as it fits your agenda?

@middlenglander

Just out of curiosity, how old are you?

This is the reality we’re living now - people in this article migrating to find a habitable environment [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-59051407] This is the future for our children, no matter how far we stick our heads in the sand and pretend that our right to pop out babies trumps any bigger picture.

Why?

We have too many people in the world, having kids is the biggest way to increase your carbon footprint! We love our child-free life: more time, money and energy

What do you do with the spare money, then? Presumably you don’t spend it on much as that would generate CO2? Or perhaps you buy and plant lots of trees? Or invest in renewables?

I suspect you’re either ‘child-free’ because you’re still very young (which would explain your simplistic understanding of the issues) or older and not quite as delighted with your child-free status as you claim.

This is the reality we’re living now - people in this article migrating to find a habitable environment [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-59051407] This is the future for our children, no matter how far we stick our heads in the sand and pretend that our right to pop out babies trumps any bigger picture.

A stable (moving towards gradually declining) population in relatively habitable countries is probably going to be necessary for the development of tech to get us out of the mess we’re in. Countries with an ageing population and a low birth rate, negotiating the challenges of mass movement of people might not be optimised for R&D. I don’t think we’re quite at the point where AI is able to save us.

@SomethingOnce

We have too many people in the world, having kids is the biggest way to increase your carbon footprint! We love our child-free life: more time, money and energy

What do you do with the spare money, then? Presumably you don’t spend it on much as that would generate CO2? Or perhaps you buy and plant lots of trees? Or invest in renewables?

I suspect you’re either ‘child-free’ because you’re still very young (which would explain your simplistic understanding of the issues) or older and not quite as delighted with your child-free status as you claim.

WTF is this now? As an older woman she couldn’t possibly be happy being child free? Are you serious?

I was talking about this particular person, not people in general, so no need for your WTFs.

@SomethingOnce

I was talking about this particular person, not people in general, so no need for your WTFs.

Absolutely nothing in that post indicated that poster was unhappy being childless, she literally stated the exact opposite. You’ve let your mask slip and are trying to backtrack, have a word with yourself.

Fewer and fewer children in the developed world, but the developing world continuing with large families....?

I come from an extended family of more than the "traditional two". My mum is one of three, my DH is one of four, the two cousins I'm closest with have 4 kids and 3 kids.

We joke in the family, "an heir, a spare, and one for love!"

Give over with the silly ‘slipped mask’ cliché. I’m not trying to conceal anything. What do you believe I’m trying to conceal?

I agree the human population needs to stabilise at a lower level but this isn’t best achieved with a plummeting birth rate and a rapidly ageing population. I’m happy that some people are happy/ier/iest child-free; there have always been child-free people (whose child-freeness is balanced out by bigger families).

That said, I’d put money on a bunch of these younger, eco-anxious antinatalist types turning out to have the same fairly conventional lives as all those who went before them. It’s been true of every youthful posture in history.

@SomethingOnce

Give over with the silly ‘slipped mask’ cliché. I’m not trying to conceal anything. What do you believe I’m trying to conceal?

I agree the human population needs to stabilise at a lower level but this isn’t best achieved with a plummeting birth rate and a rapidly ageing population. I’m happy that some people are happy/ier/iest child-free; there have always been child-free people (whose child-freeness is balanced out by bigger families).

That said, I’d put money on a bunch of these younger, eco-anxious antinatalist types turning out to have the same fairly conventional lives as all those who went before them. It’s been true of every youthful posture in history.

I’m hardly the one who needs to be told about cliches - you’re the one peddling the idea women couldn’t possibly be childless, older and happy.

You shot in to have a dig at that poster because of your own prejudices. Get a grip.

I genuinely don’t have that prejudice, but whatever works for you 🤷‍♀️

@SomethingOnce

I genuinely don’t have that prejudice, but whatever works for you 🤷‍♀️

I suspect you’re either ‘child-free’ because you’re still very young (which would explain your simplistic understanding of the issues) or older and not quite as delighted with your child-free status as you claim.

No, sure you don’t.

I remember a woman whose DD was in my eldest DS's class suddenly being visibly pregnant with her fourth child. And I said 'Oooh, that's lovely. Congratulations. You must be mad'. I immediately regretted it because she looked a bit hurt and I realised that what seemed like a lighthearted quip to me, was probably a bit rude to her. I was struggling with just two DC and couldn't begin to imagine having four. But that is me, not her. I'm a lot more careful what I say now.

Yes, I think SomethingOnce was being a bit nasty and/or provocative. This isn't about me at all but I'm neither young nor old. And am very happy child free. Not that that is relevant to the points any of us have raised.

@middlenglander

Yes, I think SomethingOnce was being a bit nasty and/or provocative. This isn't about me at all but I'm neither young nor old. And am very happy child free. Not that that is relevant to the points any of us have raised.

Well you’d be a hypocrite for writing all of that about population if you had a brood of your own really wouldn’t you! 🤭

Haha. True, I would be, but it wouldn't necessarily make the argument any less true.

No, sure you don’t.

You seem to be having difficulty grasping that just because I said that about a particular poster, it doesn’t mean I believe it generally or universally to be the case. It’s really not that hard.

@middlenglander

Haha. True, I would be, but it wouldn't necessarily make the argument any less true.

No but you would be living in a glass house and throwing stones a bit wouldn’t you! I have three kids. I am aware of the issues you refer to and I don’t disagree. But because I have three children it’s not right for me to tell others off for having them is it. If you had and were then you can say why you should expect to be flamed.

*you can see why not say

The issues are very real but TFR of 1.5 or lower in developed countries isn’t the easy win people seem to imagine. Not having children ‘for the planet’ may well turn out not to be that great for the planet or the people on it - all of us - who need some sustainable solutions, pronto.