To think there's a stigma over having a third child?

[Beachloveramy]

Please tell me I'm not alone.

I already have a 14 year old I had quite young and a three year old (with my husband) and I'm 3 months pregnant with our third child.

As I've slowly told people about the pregnancy I've received a lot of comments such as "you're pregnant again?!"

Now, I don't exactly feel as if I've been popping them out, there are fairly big age gaps between my children. Myself and my husband do also both work full time and support our own family but for some reason I can't be completely excited about this baby as there seems to be a stigma associated.

I'm I being paranoid or are woman judged for having more than two children?

It's the environment cost but if you can afford and support a third child it's your choice no one else so ignore

Yes @DukeofEarlGrey absolutely education & opportunities for women naturally lowers birth rates which we have seen in the west.

I'm surprised you get comments with 3. 4 I can understand coz how will you all get in a standard car. But I agree with PP it's probably the age gap/admiration for going through it again.

I totally agree , due to the state of the planet and people becoming much more aware of it . Having more than two children is deemed selfish for environmental reasons. There just is no need.

Should of said I would of liked 3 or even 4 but i felt it wasn't acceptable to do it.

I have 2 children. Even then I feel people judge you.

I wouldn’t say it but would think you were selfish and didn’t give a damn about the climate crisis no matter how much you wittered about recycling and uk camping holidays.

That “paying future pensions” argument is utter shit how does that work then? More and more people til when? There is finite space and resources.

Maybe they're worried about the planet?

@Peaseblossum22

I’m not childfree for this reason (I would love to have a child) but either way am planning to pay for my own retirement.

Whilst I take your wider point, presumably your savings that you plan to live off are invested. Who do you think will be working in the businesses in which you are invested, to enable them to pay the dividends that pay your pension, who will be the doctors that look after you if you are ill, the people who work in the shops , drive the trains/buses etc , produce the food you eat and most of all pay tax in order for public services to continue.

I’m not sure all these services / types of business will exist in the same way by then because of AI but appreciate that that’s an entirely different subject (!) and understand what you’re saying. I do try as far as possible to choose pensions products that have green credentials or otherwise ethical considerations with impact that goes beyond corporate growth alone, which is also a different point but I think relevant in a broader socioeconomic sense.

I don’t purport to be any kind of economist btw, only try to make responsible personal decisions within the parameters of what’s possible in my circumstances and recognise that we are all part of something bigger, which is what many of us are trying to do in an imperfect world and the only way we will be able to create sustainable change.

The environmental impact certainly is one of the first things I think of now when people tell me they are going beyond 2, quickly followed by feeling very tired at the thought of it. Probably one of those reasons? Definitely the ones that are making me stop.

According to my friends with 3 kids, having 3 kids is really crazy compared to 2. You are outnumbered and this has a lot of consequences.
I think this is probably the reason, more a WOW Good for you but good luck

I got lovely congratulatory comments when I told people I was pregnant with my 3rd child. Then when I told them it was a 3rd boy, suddenly I was mad for having 3 children! I then realised almost everyone assumed I must have been 'trying for a girl'. People are weird and most seem to have the idea in their head that everyone wants a boy and a girl and they want them close together. So I think the fact that you have a 14 year old is probably what is making people give you the raised eyebrows. But ignore them! Congratulations on your pregnancy OP.

I would say three is very common around here , in fact so normal that I don’t think it would even raise a comment . I have three , most of our social group have three or even four. However I do have a relative who lives nearer London who has quite a lot of comments about having three.

Bit yes I do think we should probably try to reform the way out economy works structurally rather then justifying children by the fact they’ll be the tax payers etc of the future. Where does that massive Ponzi scheme end?!

More and more people til when?

There's not going to be more & more people though as there already isn't the births to support it.

"Almost every nation across the globe is expected to see their populations shrink by the end of the century as fewer children are born, with 23 countries on track to be home to just half as many people."

That “paying future pensions” argument is utter shit how does that work then?

"In the 1960s, there were six people of working age for every retired person. Today, the ratio is three-to-one. By 2035, it will be two-to-one."

We need to have awareness around the economic consequences of the above & plan for it. It's utter shit to stick your head in the sand.

Yes there is for reasons already mentioned in this thread. It’s definitely put me off the idea, plus everything is geared up for families of 4.

You can't be completely excited about having your baby because some people have expressed surprise?! Really?

I disagree that theres any stigma. I just think people are not as excited by your 3rd baby as your first, and people love to make small talk and weird comments to pregnant women, but thats not the same as being stigmatised. Its a perfectly normal and common amount of children to have

Still not answered the question carpetbag. You are advocating that each generation needs to be larger than the previous one to support it financially - how does that end?! The land mass and resources are not expanding too. I am not an economist but don’t understand how that model is sustainable?

I just think those who hve 3 are insane…but not a stigma as such.

But yes people are judging for the age gap not the number of kids

My in-laws were really off with us when I was pregnant with number 3, and they treated him differently to the others.
I wouldn’t mind but they were Catholic and had more kids than me. She was told not to have more kids and had to go on the pill, as he saw sex as his marital ‘right’ 🙄

I recently read that the average woman has 1.5 children in 2021.

Less people are having larger families these days, so perhaps why you had some suprised comments.

Although I think it's more likely the age gap people are suprised about

@MsTSwift I think you are confused.

You are advocating that each generation needs to be larger than the previous one to support it financially

Where on earth have I advocated for the above?

There are economic consequences of having fertility rate well below sustainable levels & reducing immigration.

We need to recognise & plan for that, which will mean increased taxes but they are already very high so they may have to look at IHT etc, there will be further debates on assisted dying, movement in pension age & increasing or abolishing free prescription. I'm not sure how this equates to me saying the birth rate should be ever expanding 🙄

@tiggerwhocamefortea

Ah the environmentally sanctimonious who base being childfree decisions around environmental concerns - they ought to ponder who exactly it will be paying for their pensions one day 🤔

Exactly this!

We had this when we had our third but we find the opposite now we have 4 everyone keeps asking when we are having number 5! Our family is comllete though

Maybe not for three

Maybe when it’s more, not sure