Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Childcare from grandparents

234 replies

Busymum21 · 29/10/2021 12:16

Could I ask if I'm being unreasonable.
I'm a single mum edited by MNHQ to remove identifying info As I work full time my parents help out with childcare over the holidays where my son has to stay with them for the entire week then home to me at the weekend due to the distance they live from us.
I've recently started seeing someone for the last few months but as we both have kids it's difficult to find the time to spend quality time together. Whilst my son was at my parents during school holidays my boyfriend and I both took a day off work to spend some time together. My parents are not happy I took time off work to spend with my boyfriend when they were looking after my son as they are of the view if I was able to take time off work I should have been looking after my son that day instead (I'd like to add I do also use the majority of my annual leave to spend time with my son during holidays but only get 28 days a year).
Am I being unreasonable in taking that time off for myself to spend some rare time with my boyfriend whilst they have my son?

OP posts:
MeadowHay · 29/10/2021 16:33

Absolute piss take, not surprised they're annoyed. Why didn't you take a day of annual leave to spend with your boyfriend on a day your son is in school?!

Jamallama · 29/10/2021 16:36

I wouldn't have been happy. It's taking the piss.
Sort out a paid babysitter if you want to see your bloke.

ThreeKneeRepeater · 29/10/2021 16:40

I was just thinking how many times I’ve read on MN the phrase ‘They’ve had their turn at parenting! ‘ in relation to a GP being perceived to overstep the mark.
It seems that some GP are expected to have another turn. Hmm

jamandmarmalade · 29/10/2021 17:22

I think they have had time to mull it over and were probably worried that they were being used for childcare whilst you were in with boyfriend creating a second pregnancy!

No I don't think you should be doing this again with Grand Parents.

girlmom21 · 29/10/2021 17:30

I've re-read the OP and I'm fairly certain that OP's parents have never been ok with this

RedskyThisNight · 29/10/2021 17:35

[quote Busymum21]@Emrew05 I said to them beforehand, they were fine with it. Only after it's been an issue.[/quote]
What, you actively said "I'm going to take a day off work on and spend it with my boyfriend - are you still ok doing the childcare?" Or you just mentioned that you were doing it and they kind of said "ok" because they were put on the spot and what else could they do?

TheFormerMrsPugwash · 29/10/2021 17:40

Not reasonable, OP. Your parents are doing you a big favour for a good reason (namely work, not shagging).

What I wonder, too, is why you would actually rather spend your free time with your new boyfriend than with your child, given that you spend so much time at work?

jamandmarmalade · 29/10/2021 17:44

@girlmom21

I've re-read the OP and I'm fairly certain that OP's parents have never been ok with this
then it's definitely not ok!
ejhhhhh · 29/10/2021 17:48

It changes things quite a bit now you've clarified that you asked them first. I mean, you asked right? Does "said to them beforehand" mean asked before hand? As in before you dropped your child off for the week? If that's the case, I can see your point.

ejhhhhh · 29/10/2021 17:52

What I mean is, when you first asked them to provide childcare, did you tell them you'd be taking one day to spend with your boyfriend. That's quite different to say, arranging that they'd look after your child so you can work, then announcing after they'd already agreed that you won't be working the entire time. They're backed into a corner in the latter scenario, and I can see why they might not be happy about it but feel unable to change the arrangement. What actually happened OP? Did you have their express agreement to this when you first asked them to look after your child?

paisley256 · 29/10/2021 18:04

I think you've taken advantage, sorry. You are incredibly lucky to have so much help and I'm not saying you don't appreciate it, but it could come across that way.

phoenixrosehere · 29/10/2021 18:11

They are being’hard’ because she is taking the piss....looking after GC is exhausting.....I have 3 and I’m only mid 50s ....if OP is 43 then her parents are likely late 60s or 70s.... They have taken on a massive commitment to care for their GC and it likely impacts greatly on their lives ( being knackered, not being able to do things spontaneously).... but they have done it to help out their DD ..... then she takes time off to spend with her new bloke .....If they only helped out occasionally

That’s YOUR situation though! This is one child who is 9 yo (many 9 years old are pretty self-sufficient this is not a baby or toddler that needs constant watching unless there is some special need to do so) spending time with his grandparents every half term for five days. This is not a weekly occurrence or even a monthly occurrence. It was one time that OP had a day with her boyfriend and people are making as if she just uses her parents every week.

DampSquidGames · 29/10/2021 18:15

Sounds like they’ve had time to think about it, maybe feeling tired and then decided it’s not on to look after their DGC when their DD isn’t at work.
Just apologise and next time take a school day off work.

TheFormerMrsPugwash · 29/10/2021 18:19

@phoenixrosehere

They are being’hard’ because she is taking the piss....looking after GC is exhausting.....I have 3 and I’m only mid 50s ....if OP is 43 then her parents are likely late 60s or 70s.... They have taken on a massive commitment to care for their GC and it likely impacts greatly on their lives ( being knackered, not being able to do things spontaneously).... but they have done it to help out their DD ..... then she takes time off to spend with her new bloke .....If they only helped out occasionally

That’s YOUR situation though! This is one child who is 9 yo (many 9 years old are pretty self-sufficient this is not a baby or toddler that needs constant watching unless there is some special need to do so) spending time with his grandparents every half term for five days. This is not a weekly occurrence or even a monthly occurrence. It was one time that OP had a day with her boyfriend and people are making as if she just uses her parents every week.

I've RTFT and the OP's comments several times, but I still can't see where she says the child is 9...
phoenixrosehere · 29/10/2021 18:33

I've RTFT and the OP's comments several times, but I still can't see where she says the child is 9...

Just read through it again and realised I mixed it up with another one. Apologies all, but then that begs the question. How old is OP’s child?

They are in school so they are not a baby nor a toddler. Plus, this still isn’t a weekly occurrence or monthly if it only happens during the school holidays. Her also posting that they knew about this and still accepted it but then changed their mind would also be an issue since if they weren’t really ok with it they should have said so, not wait til after the fact. If it is the child expressing something, they should also say so.

paisley256 · 29/10/2021 18:42

Personally I think they just don’t like their dd having a life outside of work and parenting

Blossomtoes
Personally I think they just don’t like their dd taking the piss.

I agree, they probably feel taken advantage of.

Metallicalover · 29/10/2021 18:43

@phoenixrosehere the post has changed. It definitely said in the OP that she was 43 and her son was 9.

Dillydollydingdong · 29/10/2021 18:50

I expect they're feeling a bit weary with looking after ds so much. After all, he's not their child. He's yours. Idk how old they are, but as a dgm myself, I know how exhausting children can be.

DampSquidGames · 29/10/2021 18:56

I also read that DS was 9.

MeridianB · 29/10/2021 18:58

I saw age 9, too, but don’t think posters can edit?

Also just noticed the son was on school hols, which makes this worse.

He’s an only child who essentially lives with his GPs. I totally understand how hard it is for even two parents to cover all the school holidays but taking a day’s leave for a new bloke during school holidays is sad in these circs.

converseandjeans · 29/10/2021 20:32

theformermrspugwash

Not reasonable, OP. Your parents are doing you a big favour for a good reason (namely work, not shagging).

What I wonder, too, is why you would actually rather spend your free time with your new boyfriend than with your child, given that you spend so much time at work?

So judgmental! Don't we all need a break from our kids now and again? OP has clarified that initially her parents agreed. Also OP presumably works FT to provide for her DS.

I think maybe going forward he could maybe do some of hols in kids club. Or alternatively you could book a day leave when DS is in school?

I think you're getting a bashing on here. Mumsnet is always full of people saying how Mums deserve a day off & that the DH should step up. You don't have that option.

LettertoHermoine · 29/10/2021 20:54

@converseandjeans

theformermrspugwash

Not reasonable, OP. Your parents are doing you a big favour for a good reason (namely work, not shagging).

What I wonder, too, is why you would actually rather spend your free time with your new boyfriend than with your child, given that you spend so much time at work?

So judgmental! Don't we all need a break from our kids now and again? OP has clarified that initially her parents agreed. Also OP presumably works FT to provide for her DS.

I think maybe going forward he could maybe do some of hols in kids club. Or alternatively you could book a day leave when DS is in school?

I think you're getting a bashing on here. Mumsnet is always full of people saying how Mums deserve a day off & that the DH should step up. You don't have that option.

The child bloody well lives with the grandparents 5 days a week! Thats a a fucking break in itself!
00100001 · 29/10/2021 21:34

I have reported the thread to ask MNHQ to clarify if the OP has been changed.

00100001 · 29/10/2021 21:36

@converseandjeans

theformermrspugwash

Not reasonable, OP. Your parents are doing you a big favour for a good reason (namely work, not shagging).

What I wonder, too, is why you would actually rather spend your free time with your new boyfriend than with your child, given that you spend so much time at work?

So judgmental! Don't we all need a break from our kids now and again? OP has clarified that initially her parents agreed. Also OP presumably works FT to provide for her DS.

I think maybe going forward he could maybe do some of hols in kids club. Or alternatively you could book a day leave when DS is in school?

I think you're getting a bashing on here. Mumsnet is always full of people saying how Mums deserve a day off & that the DH should step up. You don't have that option.

There's a day off, and there's sending your child to their grandparents for a week on a regular basis. Presumably, this half term has been child free, so that's at least 4 days "off" she's getting... And again perhaps at half terms, Easter, and a few weeks over the summer etc
Stompythedinosaur · 29/10/2021 21:54

YABU and are a total pisstaker. Taking a day's childcare from your parents, who are already doing the vast majority of parenting over the whole holiday, is an absolute liberty.