Childcare from grandparents

[Busymum21]

Could I ask if I'm being unreasonable.
I'm a single mum edited by MNHQ to remove identifying info As I work full time my parents help out with childcare over the holidays where my son has to stay with them for the entire week then home to me at the weekend due to the distance they live from us.
I've recently started seeing someone for the last few months but as we both have kids it's difficult to find the time to spend quality time together. Whilst my son was at my parents during school holidays my boyfriend and I both took a day off work to spend some time together. My parents are not happy I took time off work to spend with my boyfriend when they were looking after my son as they are of the view if I was able to take time off work I should have been looking after my son that day instead (I'd like to add I do also use the majority of my annual leave to spend time with my son during holidays but only get 28 days a year).
Am I being unreasonable in taking that time off for myself to spend some rare time with my boyfriend whilst they have my son?

@shiningstar2

I am a grandparent and if my DD asks me to look after dgc because she is working I am willing to do so. If it is because she has a social arrangement I would expect the courtesy of being told her plans. I am not a paid nursery where a parent can expect to leave child whatever the days plan is. Keeping a child happily occupied all day everyday, though rewarding, is hard work as many parents on these boards admit to during school holidays. The op's parents time is not the op's right, it is a gift willingly given in certain circumstances. If the circumstances change she should ask. In my case it would probably be ok but I would definitely expect to be informed of any parental change if plan during my watch.

RTFT. She did tell them her plans. They said it was fine.

I would have took a days annual leave to spend with my BF tbh but that's me.
I don't get any help with childcare at all, my DD's have never slept at their grandparents. I used to use a childminder and now use after school club.
You're really very lucky to get the help you do.

I did read the full text. I haven't seen anywhere that she checked in advance. If I missed that ok but if they agreed in advance to this change of plan why would they be annoyed? Judging by the replies here I can't be the only one who hasn't seen that she asked in advance

@shiningstar2

I did read the full text. I haven't seen anywhere that she checked in advance. If I missed that ok but if they agreed in advance to this change of plan why would they be annoyed? Judging by the replies here I can't be the only one who hasn't seen that she asked in advance

It was a later dripfeed, so not sure I'm buying it. Surely you would say in the op that they agreed upfront. Maybe they were told rather that asked and agreed.

Have had another look. Read the text late last night. She does say she told them in advance so I don't know why they are displeased after the fact? Anyway it is now clear to the op that dp wasn't really happy so at least she wil know they won't want to do the childcare again if she isn't at work.

@phoenixrosehere

And maybe add a big M for mug for grandparents who would also like to have some time to do what they want.

They see him only during the weekdays during the half terms while his mother works those five days. She asked them and took one single day off.

They have their 9 yo grandchild about every 8 weeks for five days. They have months between having their grandchild so how is that a lot? Unless they tell OP it is, it’s perfectly fine.

"Only?" Monday to Friday every school holidays is a lot, especially with overnights as well. I'd never expect my mum to do that much childcare.

Only?" Monday to Friday every school holidays is a lot, especially with overnights as well. I'd never expect my mum to do that much childcare.

And my parents would not only love it but want the whole summer break because they don’t see their grandchildren as often as they would like. It doesn’t matter what your expectations are for your parents and obviously it is different for everyone by the numerous times threads like these pop up.
This isn’t even about what OP expects of them. They have agreed to this and OP asked them if it was ok. They are adults just as much as OP is and have a voice. If it was getting too much, they should say something. If they are vocal enough to tell her that they are upset with her about having that day off after the fact, they could sure be honest and say that it is too much. OP is not a mind reader.

@phoenixrosehere

And maybe add a big M for mug for grandparents who would also like to have some time to do what they want.

They see him only during the weekdays during the half terms while his mother works those five days. She asked them and took one single day off.

They have their 9 yo grandchild about every 8 weeks for five days. They have months between having their grandchild so how is that a lot? Unless they tell OP it is, it’s perfectly fine.

They don't just have him for weekdays during the half term, they have him 24 hrs a day for 5 days. Maybe you think that isn't alot but are you volunteering to look after anyone's children on that basis for 8 weeks a year? How's your health, might it make you tired?

It might not be alot if you spread it over the year but several weeks in a row over the summer with having him it might be alot for them. They might be perfectly happy to push themselves to support their daughter with necessary childcare but they might not see it as their responsibility to facilitate her social life. That doesn't mean she shouldn't have a social life.

I was a single parent from Ds being 20 months old. Worked full time, all that kaboodle.

I never once took a day off that didn't involve my child. Mainly cos I liked spending time with him and it was precious enough as it was.

As per pp, you have 4/ 5 days and nights a week during holidays with your bf. How's the child meant to feel about it? And I don't believe that you checked with parents first, you'd have said that in the OP.