Childcare from grandparents

[Busymum21]

Could I ask if I'm being unreasonable.
I'm a single mum edited by MNHQ to remove identifying info As I work full time my parents help out with childcare over the holidays where my son has to stay with them for the entire week then home to me at the weekend due to the distance they live from us.
I've recently started seeing someone for the last few months but as we both have kids it's difficult to find the time to spend quality time together. Whilst my son was at my parents during school holidays my boyfriend and I both took a day off work to spend some time together. My parents are not happy I took time off work to spend with my boyfriend when they were looking after my son as they are of the view if I was able to take time off work I should have been looking after my son that day instead (I'd like to add I do also use the majority of my annual leave to spend time with my son during holidays but only get 28 days a year).
Am I being unreasonable in taking that time off for myself to spend some rare time with my boyfriend whilst they have my son?

@mountbattenbergcake

No but she could have said "oh I'll pick him up on Thursday this week because I have a days holiday booked."

Maybe she couldn’t get Friday off.

Then she should've kept the holiday day for the next school holidays.

Yes, you are being unreasonable. You expect your parents to look after your child for at least 9 weeks a year?! Of course they're within their rights to feel annoyed that they're the ones providing childcare whilst you're taking time off to shag a bloke.

Get your priorities right.

I don't think it's wildly unreasonable as a one-off, but I can see their point too. They're probably pretty tired looking after your son for so long, and it'll mean they have to rearrange plans, and maybe limit themselves to doing things at weekends when everywhere is busy.

I agree with people saying to arrange some paid-for childcare to give your parents a break. Even if it's one day a week (and someone near them), it shows that you're not taking them for granted.

Where's DS' dad in all this? Does he do his fair share?

Your parents are right

Yes I'd think you were taking the P - presumably your parents are in their 70s - it's a lot expecting them to have a grandchild for a whole week.

If you can take time off for a boyfriend and not your own child you have your priorities wrong and if I was your parents I wouldn't be happy
Children should come first

Yes you were. I provide childcare for my dgs and dd once did something comparable in so far as she dropped him as usual but didn't work and instead went out with friends. Had she asked me I wouldn't have minded so much but it was the deceit that annoyed me. I think you should ask and check that it's agreeable rather than doing it behing your parents' backs.

Massive piss take. I can’t see why you’re even asking.

I think I’d feel the same as your parents.

I would have checked with them first really .Its a bit cheeky to assume they are going to all right with it if they dont know why.Looking after small children is hard work .They dont mind too much if you are working as thats essential /Seeing BF is fun time !

It sounds like a symptom of a bigger issue. My parents would never begrudge looking after my DS for a day so I could do something personal, but then they babysit around 1 day a month for us (due to distance). And very rarely overnights.

I think you should ask them whether they're happy doing the amount of childcare that they do for you.

I think that is incredibly cheeky. Time to start relying on your parents so much and take responsibility for your own child.

Yeah YABU, they look after your child for you to work, not have a jolly with your boyfriend. Why didn't you tell them before or ask?

Taking the piss big time

It sounds like something I’d expect a youngster to do not a 43 year old.

Your parents are being incredibly good with childcare, so don’t take the piss.

I think it’s ok to use annual leave to spend time on yourself and not necessarily with your child, a break is good, especially for a single parent. I’d take some annual leave during school hours instead. Your parents are clearly only happy to babysit to facilitate your work, so I don’t think they’re being unreasonable here.

I’m a single parent who’s dated a man with children and it was a nightmare to organise time together. Much easier to date a childless man who’s willing to work around me I’ve found.

What's happening on all the evenings mon-Friday while he's away. That's plenty of time to see your boyfriend.

And wouldn’t have made much sense to drive all the way there and all the way back to see her son for the day, probably upsetting his holiday routine with his grandparents

She could have taken Mon or Fri off so her parents could have a shorter week of childcare. It's a huge imposition, mon- Fri six weeks on the trot. They can't make any plans of their own for a month and a half. I'd be seriously pissed off if I were them

YABU, you’re parents are looking after your child to enable you to work not so you can have a shag. Never underestimate how exhausting it can be for grandparents, it’s just not fair

You should be grateful they provide so much help with childcare. I can understand why they are annoyed!

Yes, you should have asked, but some are acting as if you went on a full holiday. Unless you have form for this, one day shouldn’t have been a big deal especially for a 9 yo during the school holidays (bar special needs).

If they are only taking him during the school holidays where he stays for the weekdays, they don’t really see him as much as people are making it out to be. Isn’t half term about every eight weeks?

yeah you are taking the piss! thats a lot of childcare they provide you!

@girlmom21

Then she should've kept the holiday day for the next school holidays.

So she’s not allowed even one day to herself that is free of children and work?

This is a single mother.

Sounds like some top-level cheeky fuckery to me.