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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that my mum is buying art off someone like this?

239 replies

ManchesterRain · 29/10/2021 08:50

I am a hobby artist but I do cheap commissions for people too. Basically I enjoy doing it and sometimes make a few quid doing it too. My cousin also dabbles with art but his work is digital, mine is traditional.

Anyway I went to my mums yesterday and she said she had something to show me … she presented a digital portrait of my son which she had paid my cousin to do. I said it was lovely (which it was) but I was secretly a bit hurt that she’s never asked me to create something for her. Anyway she then said “why don’t you ask him to do one for you too??” So I reminded her that I do my own art work 🙄 and her reply is the sting of the tail …

“Yes but you could get a proper one done! They’re only £50 … do you want me to get you one for Christmas?”

I feel really hurt by this! There are people all over Britain with my art in frames on their wall so I know I’m not terrible at what I do!!

AIBU to think she is being really thoughtless?

OP posts:
Ladyrattles · 30/10/2021 19:31

I'd have been very upset if someone said that to me, so huge hugs to you. I know exactly how you feel. I think it's hard for some relatives and friends to actually accept you do a proper thing. My dads family always classed my work as a hobby, even when my customers included celebrities. They'd share pictures of my cousins nail art but were never interested in my business, or offered to buy anything, or share posts. My mum was the opposite and so supportive but she sadly passed. So huge hugs, I bet your art is way better than your cousins.

OverweightPidgeon · 30/10/2021 19:39

If she offers to cook you dinner , make you a sandwich, bake you a cake , tell her that you’ll buy it from a shop as you prefer ’proper’ food .

What she said was thoughtless and hurtful.

Diva66 · 30/10/2021 19:43

@Fraine that was a bit cheesy Grin

Oftenithinkaboutit · 30/10/2021 19:49

[quote 5thnonblonde]@Diva66 reported for racism[/quote]
Grin

amispeakingenglish · 30/10/2021 19:55

I'm old school and would prefer a painting to digital. The skills are different so hard to compare in one way. I have a friend who is always going on about the creative skills of others, and telling me how wonderful and clever they are. Occasionally I point out I do stuff too! Most of the time I try not to let it get to me. I think its like @Greentrianglesarethebestones says too. Familiarity. Perhaps some actors families are like this too?

5thnonblonde · 30/10/2021 20:01

@Diva66 yeah I was just messing around Grin

bellocchild · 30/10/2021 20:07

You could say you prefer proper traditional art, so no thanks.

DreamTheMoors · 30/10/2021 20:20

A mother’s comments cut the deepest.

Having said that, would you paint something for me?
And if so, how do I get in touch from California? I can’t afford much but I’m very, VERY serious

It’s the thought that counts — your mum’s cutting remark was unnecessary and unfeeling and not loving at all — quite the opposite.
File that away. Remember that when she needs/wants something from you.

Oftenithinkaboutit · 30/10/2021 20:23

@DreamTheMoors

A mother’s comments cut the deepest.

Having said that, would you paint something for me?
And if so, how do I get in touch from California? I can’t afford much but I’m very, VERY serious

It’s the thought that counts — your mum’s cutting remark was unnecessary and unfeeling and not loving at all — quite the opposite.
File that away. Remember that when she needs/wants something from you.

How can you be very very serious When you haven’t seen any of the OP’s work?
DreamTheMoors · 30/10/2021 20:37

@Bertiebiscuit

I'm so sorry your mum was so thoughtless and hurtful I hope that she isn't always as uncaring as this. I might be inclined to tell how how that felt - my mother always thought more of men than women, she would be this way, partly a generational thing I suspect, and partly just not thinking about how this would make you feel 🙄😒😒
My mum and I were in the midst of an argument one time — as mothers & daughters are wont to do —

Mum yelled, ”I HATE YOU!!!” and that scared me to the bone. I can hear her words to this day.
It’s NEVER appropriate to say that to your child, much less the child you spent a lifetime telling her how “wanted” she was.
WOW - so the truth comes out.
Be very careful what you say to your child, for once said they cannot be unsaid.

greendiva · 30/10/2021 20:51

Really thoughtless and hurtful coming from your mum, I'm guessing it's indicative of your relationship and not a good me off.

DreamTheMoors · 30/10/2021 20:52

@ManchesterRain

No it’s not abstract, very traditional portraits.
@ManchesterRain

Sight unseen, I’d absolutely love for you to a painting for me - I’m quite serious.

I live in California, would pay you in advance fôr both painting & shipping. Is this possible? Oh, I hope so.

Apologies, I don’t know how to work the private messaging here on Mumsnet.

I’M VERY SERIOUS!!!

Lol did I say I was VERY SERIOUS?

TimeForTeaAndG · 30/10/2021 21:02

@dreamTheMoors are you quite alright? Not sure why you are so insistent on having the OP create a piece for you. It's starting to come across as sarcasm.

Oftenithinkaboutit · 30/10/2021 21:11

[quote TimeForTeaAndG]@dreamTheMoors are you quite alright? Not sure why you are so insistent on having the OP create a piece for you. It's starting to come across as sarcasm.[/quote]
It’s bloody odd, isn’t it?

Drink related perhaps?

DreamTheMoors · 30/10/2021 21:32

@TimeForTeaAndG
@Oftenithinkaboutit

Not sure I’m the one who needs help.

If I triggered you so much that you felt the need to comment, I’d check my own self out.

Evidently humour isn’t your strong suit — nor genuineness.

Seeya.

Oftenithinkaboutit · 30/10/2021 21:47

[quote DreamTheMoors]@TimeForTeaAndG
@Oftenithinkaboutit

Not sure I’m the one who needs help.

If I triggered you so much that you felt the need to comment, I’d check my own self out.

Evidently humour isn’t your strong suit — nor genuineness.

Seeya.[/quote]
Odder

Frazzledmummy123 · 30/10/2021 22:34

The fact she bought one off your cousin does seem tactless and hurtful so I can totally understand why you are hurt. If your styles are different then your cousin's style is clearly her preferred style however she didn't need to rub your face in it, and the 'proper one' part is very offensive.

Not to defend her, but she didn't realise what she was saying, and as others have said, art or any creative industries (I'm an author) aren't always recognised as they should be. Given you are a hobby artist, your mum hasn't realised just how much your work means to you and has trivialised it to have been so blase about buying your cousin's work and making these comments. If your mum is relatively easy to talk to, I think a chat with her about how much your work means to you might help.

I don't know how old your mum is, and sorry to generalise, but I find a lot of older relatives can be the worst at not being too interested in arty or creative work unless it is a full time job.

Have a chat with your mum, it is important she realises what she said and that it was hurtful to you.

Ddot · 30/10/2021 22:45

Go on show us a painting OP

galaxyx · 30/10/2021 23:05

I know exactly what you mean and why it hurts so much. I'm in a creative industry too and successful in what I do. I earn an average salary from it without having to supplement with a side income or main job. But lots of people in my family think it's a hobby. They see me as unemployed Confused

ChampagneLassie · 30/10/2021 23:26

Its shit OP. This would be a nasty comment from anyone but really poor from your own mother. My mother behaves simmilary. Its her problem not mine. As im sure its your mothers problem and not yours x

Chimley · 31/10/2021 00:24

OP you're right to be upset. Think about Matilda from Roald Dahl. Some parents wax lyrical about very averagely talented children. And some can't see any talents in their own offspring. In my case my parents can't understand how I could be better than anybody at anything. If anything they're surprised at any of my successes. They would absolutely have said what your mum said and I would have been as hurt as you. My advice would be to spend your time and skills on people who appreciate you. And it's your mum who's missing out not you. Flowers

JessieLongleg · 31/10/2021 01:38

Apparently it very common for most creative people to not feel full support for the projects. I do a few photos and poetry and don't invite my friend and family to follow. But like you said it's no big deal your popular enough to sell.

Feeasco · 31/10/2021 01:51

I hear that art is subjective but I find the choice of words very insensitive.
Personally I would never buy a nephew's art knowing my daughter does art. I would not risk hurting her feelings.

Mamanyt · 31/10/2021 02:32

You are NBU, but only because she made the statement "You could get a proper one done." Art is, as you know, very subjective, and perhaps yours is not to your mother's taste. That's fine. Insinuating that your work is not proper art is not fine.

MamsellMarie · 31/10/2021 03:41

I'm sure someone has said that you don't seem to consider your art real art if you only charge a few quid for them.

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