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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that my mum is buying art off someone like this?

239 replies

ManchesterRain · 29/10/2021 08:50

I am a hobby artist but I do cheap commissions for people too. Basically I enjoy doing it and sometimes make a few quid doing it too. My cousin also dabbles with art but his work is digital, mine is traditional.

Anyway I went to my mums yesterday and she said she had something to show me … she presented a digital portrait of my son which she had paid my cousin to do. I said it was lovely (which it was) but I was secretly a bit hurt that she’s never asked me to create something for her. Anyway she then said “why don’t you ask him to do one for you too??” So I reminded her that I do my own art work 🙄 and her reply is the sting of the tail …

“Yes but you could get a proper one done! They’re only £50 … do you want me to get you one for Christmas?”

I feel really hurt by this! There are people all over Britain with my art in frames on their wall so I know I’m not terrible at what I do!!

AIBU to think she is being really thoughtless?

OP posts:
BringMeTea · 29/10/2021 10:30

Yes, what she said was definitely at best, thoughtless, at worst, downright nasty. It is not you.

Hamsteronrollerblades · 29/10/2021 10:32

If my children produced art that I hated. I would tell them how marvellous it was that they had their own style - how lucky people were to be able to buy it and I would have the piece I liked the most and would grow to love it. OP your kum was being shitty whether because he was thoughtless, is sexist or likes to knock your confidence only you know.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 29/10/2021 10:35

She is tone deaf, clearly. My own dear sister is a much lauded artist. I literally do not understand a single thing she does but this does not prevent me from encouraging her and enjoying her success.

MrKlaw · 29/10/2021 10:36

My guess is its a mix of 'parent seeing what child is doing as just a hobby/extension of what they saw growing up so assign different value to it' plus possibly some of OP describing it as a hobby which parent may be aware of too which could make it 'not proper' vs a professional (even if thats just someone that dabbles on the side but eg has an etsy page and charges it can look more 'proper' from an outside perspective without additional context)

Misjudged comment and clearly will sting but I'd hope there is no malice behind it - OP should have the history/experience to understand if thats likely the case or not

pandora206 · 29/10/2021 10:36

I think those comments are insulting too, and show ignorance about art. What on earth is 'proper' art? If there were such a thing, it would certainly be art produced in traditional media (oils, watercolour) rather than digital compositions.

OP is incorrect in describing herself as a hobby artist as she sells paintings, which makes her a professional. I think is important not to undervalue work, both in pricing or in description (cheap commission, dabbling, etc.).

MoonbeamSprinkles · 29/10/2021 10:39

I think it was thoughtless of her and I’d be hurt.

My dm is the same. I’ve been running a successful business for 8 years doing something some people might think of as a hobby.
My dm STILL sends me job vacancies whenever she sees anyone advertising a job.

I think it’s hard for people close to you to see you as professional.

Marimaur · 29/10/2021 10:39

You need a thicker skin.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 29/10/2021 10:40

I actually think all she meant was why don’t you get something you’ve actually paid for (which makes it a ‘proper portrait’ in her head), rather than something you’ve created yourself. Or maybe she meant a photo rather than a painting (if his work is photography based).

As for why she got a piece of art from him instead of you, I suppose she prefers his style. I understand that will be hurtful to you in a way but on the other hand art is very subjective.

Flowers Try not to take it to heart too much.

Lotusmonster · 29/10/2021 10:42

I do paintings, I’d be a bit bruised at this. However, remember you are successful and whilst her remarks are v tactless it sounds like you don’t actually need her to validate that success.

fumfspos · 29/10/2021 10:43

Don't call yourself a "hobby artist".
You are an artist.
You have a different job to earn money but you also earn money through your art.
There are many artists who have to take on other work to make ends meet but they still call themselves artists.

It was very thoughtless of your Mum. Not surprised you are upset.

tickledtiger · 29/10/2021 10:46

That is so awful it’s almost funny. I say that because I have art as a hobby (Not a professional but I’m proud of it) and my parents rave about anything I do for them. If they said something along the lines of “let’s get a proper one” referring to something my cousin made I’d be gutted too! And jealous.

northbacchus · 29/10/2021 10:48

OP, you know if it's a poor choice of words or if she's actually meaning to be offensive/doesn't care to be polite about it.

I don't think my home has a place for digital art, but paintings/drawings wouldn't look out of place - is she the opposite perhaps?

MajorCarolDanvers · 29/10/2021 10:49

Tactless, thoughless and hurtful.

Sorry OP.

chaosrabbitland · 29/10/2021 10:52

she was very tactless indeed , i can understand why your hurt by it ,
i honestly cant see how someone pissing about on a pc making images is proper art , proper art is someone with actual talent painting , but there we go !!
i think this boils down to what some other posters have said , hes a man creating this stuff and your just her child faffing about with paintbrushes and canvas , she probably thinks creating art on a computer takes more skill .
id make it clear if she says anything about his art again your not interested in it and why ,

Greentrianglesarethebestones · 29/10/2021 10:55

There seem to be a lot of people keen to agree with the OP's mum and tell her she isn't a "proper" artist on this thread for some reason. Are you all the OP's mum's mates? 🤣

OP - I used to find my mum's dismissiveness very hurtful but I've learned to laugh about it and if you can manage that eventually, it will help. I disagree with people saying, "Oh well, it's personal taste" because yes of course art is subjective, but we're not talking about a random stranger, we're talking about her DAUGHTER. It's not about the art itself, it's about her treating you unkindly.

For a writer, my mum's tactlessness and rudeness provide great material for characters so I use it that way. 🤣 I don't know if you can turn it around into something useful for your art. But as lots of people on this thread have demonstrated, your mum's opinion of your work is not the definitive one - even if she's a very knowledgeable art critic, which she very probably is not.

Please don't let your mum or anyone on this thread put you down as an artist or undermine your creativity. Your mum is rude, and that's HER issue, not yours, and people on this thread dismissing your art are also rude.

It's not you, it's them.

Nc123 · 29/10/2021 10:56

My super-tactless MIL would do this. It’s not a reflection on your art or your talent, it’s more that they remember you drawing or writing stories as an 8yo and forget that you’ve actually grown up and do this professionally now. Don’t take it seriously.

Greentrianglesarethebestones · 29/10/2021 10:57

@PhoboPhobia I've messaged you. :)

Grapewrath · 29/10/2021 11:05

You describe your art as a hobby- maybe this use here you are going wrong? Perhaps your mum sees it as something you enjoy for your own gain rather than an actual ‘proper’ artist.
It sounds like your Mum prefers the art your cousin creates, which is fine but she was thoughtless in her approach

lottiegarbanzo · 29/10/2021 11:08

Is your mum a bit of a materialist and a snob about 'home-made' stuff, who'd always rather have a shop-bought birthday card or cake and thinks of home-made stuff as 'cheap' and indicating poverty?

There's a strong class divide on attitudes to shop-bought / home-made which remains deeply entrenched, whatever people's circumstances as adults. i.e. Make do and mend is a necessary humiliation if you're poor, a yoke to shrug off if you're aspiring lower MC but 'boho and arty' if you're middle / upper MC and everyone knows it's a pose and you could afford new if you wanted.

Is it possible that she views your art as 'home-made doodles' and his as 'proper' because of the more 'commercial' way his is produced and printed?

Sorry (not sorry, this is MN) to introduce a class angle!

AdelindSchade · 29/10/2021 11:08

Completely tactless, yanbu to feel hurt.

OliviaKeeling · 29/10/2021 11:09

I've had this. I'm a glass artist and sell my work on Etsy, Amazon Handmade and at craft fairs. I made a commission for the local pub, to the landlord's specifications. I delivered it, the landlord was really pleased with it and was showing people the piece before he displayed it.

One regular said "it's nice but you should have got a proper one, like from a factory" Hmm while I'm standing there!

Branleuse · 29/10/2021 11:10

Shes tactless and its very uncool to disregard and dismiss your talent like this, whether she prefers his art or not. I wonder if she is one of those people that fawns over outsiders or people she wants to impress, but not as nice to those in immediate family much closer

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 29/10/2021 11:10

I do think your mum's comments were awful and I fully understand why you feel hurt but I don't really understand the term 'hobby artist'. I don't know why you aren't just an artist. To me (probably wrongly) being a hobby artist means just doing it for pleasure, not too fussed about making money from it etc and I think if we don't value what we do maybe we shouldn't expect others to either?

lottiegarbanzo · 29/10/2021 11:12

Now that was a class-based attitude @OliviaKeeling !

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 29/10/2021 11:12

One regular said "it's nice but you should have got a proper one, like from a factory" hmm while I'm standing there!

God, some people (shakes head).