To be upset that my mum is buying art off someone like this?

[ManchesterRain]

I am a hobby artist but I do cheap commissions for people too. Basically I enjoy doing it and sometimes make a few quid doing it too. My cousin also dabbles with art but his work is digital, mine is traditional.

Anyway I went to my mums yesterday and she said she had something to show me … she presented a digital portrait of my son which she had paid my cousin to do. I said it was lovely (which it was) but I was secretly a bit hurt that she’s never asked me to create something for her. Anyway she then said “why don’t you ask him to do one for you too??” So I reminded her that I do my own art work 🙄 and her reply is the sting of the tail …

“Yes but you could get a proper one done! They’re only £50 … do you want me to get you one for Christmas?”

I feel really hurt by this! There are people all over Britain with my art in frames on their wall so I know I’m not terrible at what I do!!

AIBU to think she is being really thoughtless?

@MaskingForIt

But he’s a man, so his art is “proper”. You’re just a little woman with a little hobby.

Most likely this. That was very thoughtless of her though

Ouch - pretty thoughtless but it doesn't seem she meant it maliciously. She also may not have asked your cousin to do it for her, they may have offered and she accepted?

I think people who say things like that are less thoughtless, more bitch. ‘A proper one’...nasty cow.
She’d have to make do with her digital image of my child for a while, cos I wouldn’t choose to be around such negativity.

That was a really nasty thing for her to say to you. Does she have form for this type of thing?

I would be really hurt by this too. I don't think you're being unreasonable. She was mean spirited and thoughtless towards you. I'm sorry

In addition to my last post, it would be tempting to paint her one of your own portraits of your son for her Christmas present. Then she can have both pictures.

I think she meant proper as is not one you've done yourself - not a reflection of your skills but more like paying a 'proper' cleaner rather than cleaning yourself

You appreciate art… yes?

So you will appreciate different tastes

It was definitely a tactless thing to say but...and I mean this with kindness... you don't describe your own art work as what might be considered "proper"

"I am a hobby artist but I do cheap commissions for people too. Basically I enjoy doing it and sometimes make a few quid doing it too"

That doesn't sound professional at all. If you want people to talk your art seriously than maybe you need to describe it as your profession not something you do for spare change.

It seems like you are giving off vibes that you just do it for fun rather than something that means a lot to you that you've invested in.

I’m not sure what you mean by “someone like this” in your thread title? That sounds really dismissive of your cousin’s talent - your mum obviously likes their work enough to pay for it!

Her comments were thoughtless and a bit unkind but you come across as having the hump because she prefers someone else’s work, which is surprising as all art is subjective.

So sorry - I obviously posted in the wrong place. I'll ask MN to remove it.

OP I would find that very hurtful if my mum did that. I would love to be artistic - and if any of my DC turned out to be artistic I would be thrilled to be able to hang their artwork on my wall.

Olivegreenstrawberries

So OPs aren’t isn’t proper cos it’s not her job. That doesn’t explain why the mum classes the cousins art as proper when he only ‘dabbles’ with it too.

Sympathies as I think she was a bit thoughtless. I think some parents do this though, forgetting that their kids are grownups now who can do things! If it was my own mum (who has done this sort of thing!), I might give a friendly, civil reminder that my professional work is 'proper' too but agree that the cousin's work is very good and congratulate her on her purchase. I think I might also try to laugh about it as it sounds a bit of a comedy family moment (comedy often being pain!)

Is a digital portrait finger-painting?!

Presumably you’ve gifted your mother your art work in the past?

Yes, very thoughtless. Nothing wrong with her preferring your cousin's work, but I would certainly be buying one off my own daughter as well, whether it was my personal taste or not(!) and I would definitely be hurt if my art was not considered 'proper'.

It was tactless but without seeing what you do vs what your cousin does I'm struggling to know if it was a fair comment or not. I'll assume not given you successfully sell your art, in which case take it on the chin, and just say "Mum, what I do is proper, why don't you think it is?".

@GirlWithAGuitar

Olivegreenstrawberries

So OPs aren’t isn’t proper cos it’s not her job. That doesn’t explain why the mum classes the cousins art as proper when he only ‘dabbles’ with it too.

Where does the op say the cousin “dabbles” in it?

@Greentrianglesarethebestones

I hear you, OP. I'm an author. My mum cannot get her head around them being "proper books" rather than me just pissing around being self-indulgent, as if I'm 8 years old making up stories in my bedroom.

Anyone else writes a novel? Aren't they clever! Imagine being able to do that! 🙄

prepares for MN to inform me that my books are obviously as shit as the OP's art

My MIL can never get her head round what her sons do and doesn't seem to think they do it properly.

DBIL has been in financial planning and a qualified FA for over 20 years. WHen MIL wanted to look into someting finance related sheasked him if he knew anyone good who could help her! When he said he would helps she told him she wanted to 'go to someone who knows all the ins and outs'.

With my DH she is always surprised when he knows something about the industry he has worked in for 30 plus years - 'I didn't realise you were that involved in things like this' - IT IS HIS ACTUAL JOB!

BTW - I bet your books are great - are you willing to share your name/book titles? Always on the look out for something new to read.

She says,

My cousin also dabbles with art but his work is digital, mine is traditional.

I’m a doctor. My mother used to ask me for advice, then when I didn’t say what she wanted to hear, she would go and see her GP. Who told her the same as I had.

@talkalarm

I think she meant proper as is not one you've done yourself - not a reflection of your skills but more like paying a 'proper' cleaner rather than cleaning yourself

Yeah this is what I thought too. Like a photographer going for a photoshoot rather than taking their own pictures. Or going for a proper meal that you haven't cooked yourself.

Yanbu. Regardless of her taste / preferences / whatever it is painfully tactless and obviously rude to say you could get a ‘proper’ one done. It totally devalues the work you do.

Bizarre, disingenuous posts from some PPs suggesting she wasn’t being rude. They would undoubtedly have been hurt too had they been in your shoes.

I think you need to call her out on it.
'Hey mum, you know my art is proper art right. I've sold x paintings and made x amount of money, exhibited here etc etc. and that's just as a hobby.
Fine if it's not to your taste but please don't say I'm not a "proper" artist because it's patently not true.'