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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that my mum is buying art off someone like this?

239 replies

ManchesterRain · 29/10/2021 08:50

I am a hobby artist but I do cheap commissions for people too. Basically I enjoy doing it and sometimes make a few quid doing it too. My cousin also dabbles with art but his work is digital, mine is traditional.

Anyway I went to my mums yesterday and she said she had something to show me … she presented a digital portrait of my son which she had paid my cousin to do. I said it was lovely (which it was) but I was secretly a bit hurt that she’s never asked me to create something for her. Anyway she then said “why don’t you ask him to do one for you too??” So I reminded her that I do my own art work 🙄 and her reply is the sting of the tail …

“Yes but you could get a proper one done! They’re only £50 … do you want me to get you one for Christmas?”

I feel really hurt by this! There are people all over Britain with my art in frames on their wall so I know I’m not terrible at what I do!!

AIBU to think she is being really thoughtless?

OP posts:
MadAntonia · 29/10/2021 11:13

@JackieQueen

That's so hurtful op. She's entitled to like whatever she likes but there was no need to say that to you. Flowers
Agree.
RB68 · 29/10/2021 11:18

Lol its not just art is it though with parents/siblings. I have a strong CV with an education to Masters level in my area of expertise plus 30 yrs experience in a wide range of areas with a strong theme. I co run 3 businesses and consult.

Because I am married to our key consultant apparently I am just being paid as a tax dodge and fit only for admin and accounting support and then its not full time is it ... like to see them try and do it. And yes several of them are self employed and should know better - we are Ltd, VAT registered on all three businesses and invoice well into 6 figures every year across the three

NewlyGranny · 29/10/2021 11:19

You're having a Mark 6:4 moment, PP. A prophet is not without honour, etc. It's not that she doesn't like it, it's that you did it and she remembers you with your play-dough and crayons. There's nothing to be done about it. 😏

DaisyDozyDee · 29/10/2021 11:21

She was rude and/or thoughtless. Saying you don’t want anyone else’s artwork because you make your own art is an unusual viewpoint though. Do you feel that way about all other artists or just your cousin?

Oftenithinkaboutit · 29/10/2021 11:22

@NewlyGranny

You're having a Mark 6:4 moment, PP. A prophet is not without honour, etc. It's not that she doesn't like it, it's that you did it and she remembers you with your play-dough and crayons. There's nothing to be done about it. 😏
Or she just has a particular art taste!!

Art is so personal.

Oftenithinkaboutit · 29/10/2021 11:22

The op doesn’t say whether she has ever gifted one of her works to her mother

TractorAndHeadphones · 29/10/2021 11:25

@Oftenithinkaboutit

The op doesn’t say whether she has ever gifted one of her works to her mother
It doesn't matter - it's implying her own daughter's work isn't 'proper'.
DottyHarmer · 29/10/2021 11:26

I agree with @NewlyGranny . Anything I did, anything was rubbish because well, it was me and I was forever my dm’s youngest child. Dh suffered the same from his parents - you can never break out from your childhood stereotype.

Oftenithinkaboutit · 29/10/2021 11:28

Perhaps in the mother’s eyes it isn’t.

Art is very very subjective

She was thoughtless to intimate it but nothing wrong in thinking that it’s not what she regards as “art”

Chloemol · 29/10/2021 11:29

Just tell her she is being thoughtless with her comment and walk away

godmum56 · 29/10/2021 11:41

isn't it a fairly common trope that parents think that whatever their children do isn't "real" ?

godmum56 · 29/10/2021 11:42

@NewlyGranny

You're having a Mark 6:4 moment, PP. A prophet is not without honour, etc. It's not that she doesn't like it, it's that you did it and she remembers you with your play-dough and crayons. There's nothing to be done about it. 😏
yes this @NewlyGranny has said it better than me.
Oftenithinkaboutit · 29/10/2021 11:44

@godmum56

isn't it a fairly common trope that parents think that whatever their children do isn't "real" ?
Opposite here Everything my children do I think is world class! Seriously!
Sparklfairy · 29/10/2021 11:45

Its not about whether your art style is to her taste or not. Its that she takes your cousin's art seriously and sees you as just messing about with a paintbrush or whatever. That must have really hurt.

thisplaceisweird · 29/10/2021 11:54

A lot of posters dismissing this as 'taste' or 'personal preference' it's not at all. It's a lack of respect for her daughters work vs admiration for someone else's in a similar category.

It's not a nice thing to say at all.

However OP, you do seem to really play down your work, in the post you say "cheap portraits" and dismiss it as a silly hobby. Is your cousin presenting it as something really special and spectacular? This might be the difference. People believe what you tell them!

TatianaBis · 29/10/2021 11:54

Does “proper art” mean digital portrait?

thisplaceisweird · 29/10/2021 11:55

@godmum56

isn't it a fairly common trope that parents think that whatever their children do isn't "real" ?
I think so! I'm head of marketing for a very cool company and my mom tells people I do the Facebook and write blog posts.
NeedAHoliday2021 · 29/10/2021 11:55

I’m sorry op. I hear you. I have a fairly high level job in a hospital and am part of the emergency planning team. During the initial phase of the pandemic it became very apparent that my dm has absolutely no idea what I do for a living despite me loving it and me being very career focused. She didn’t understand why I couldn’t work from home all the time… I still don’t think she gets it. My husband’s job however she seems to understand which is bizarre because it’s very similar but in a different setting. He apparently works really hard (well yes, but so do I!) Confused

DoormatBob · 29/10/2021 11:57

Intrigued on what a digital portrait is. I hope it's not where a photo is scanned and digitised into some popart style. That isn't art!

The only digital art that really impresses me is Jim'll Paint It but I know it takes him weeks/months to produce a drawing.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 29/10/2021 12:01

@ManchesterRain

I get that but to tell an artist that they could get a “proper” portrait done??
Yeah, I get this. The insensitivity is not about whether she likes your art but that the word 'proper' implies that she doesn't think it's art at all.

So, no, I don't think it's unreasonable to be hurt.

Magicpaintbrush · 29/10/2021 12:07

i honestly cant see how someone pissing about on a pc making images is proper art , proper art is someone with actual talent painting , but there we go !!

I'm a professional children's book illustrator - I worked in watercolour for years and switched to digital illustration a couple of years ago because that's the way the industry is heading. I can assure you both ways of producing artwork are equally skilled, digital artwork is not the easier option.

I'm sorry your DM is so tactless OP, I would be hurt too. It took years for my parents to realise that what I do is a valid occupation for which I actually earn money.

godmum56 · 29/10/2021 12:16

@Magicpaintbrush

i honestly cant see how someone pissing about on a pc making images is proper art , proper art is someone with actual talent painting , but there we go !!

I'm a professional children's book illustrator - I worked in watercolour for years and switched to digital illustration a couple of years ago because that's the way the industry is heading. I can assure you both ways of producing artwork are equally skilled, digital artwork is not the easier option.

I'm sorry your DM is so tactless OP, I would be hurt too. It took years for my parents to realise that what I do is a valid occupation for which I actually earn money.

@ whoever posted such a silly comment

Try it before you dismiss it. I am GOOD with a photo editing/art program and I cannot produce proper digital art for the life of me. It is seriously as much of a proper art medium as any other. don't disrespect @Magicpaintbrush and other talented people

WeAllHaveWings · 29/10/2021 12:21

I would assume by "proper one" she meant replicated and enhanced from a photograph, rather then painted, and move on. Don't overthink it.

BackInBlackAgain · 29/10/2021 12:27

I would be hurt too OP.

oakleaffy · 29/10/2021 12:30

@ManchesterRain
I did an Etching (Copperplate)of a Lurcher, did some prints off it and offered one to mum - She said “ No thank you”
I too was a bit hurt.
But one sold at an exhibition ,so wasn’t too gutted.
I since saw that Mum had had one framed- a change of heart?!
Maybe she doesn’t like the style or subject?
Mum doesn’t like dogs much.

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