To be upset that my mum is buying art off someone like this?

[ManchesterRain]

I am a hobby artist but I do cheap commissions for people too. Basically I enjoy doing it and sometimes make a few quid doing it too. My cousin also dabbles with art but his work is digital, mine is traditional.

Anyway I went to my mums yesterday and she said she had something to show me … she presented a digital portrait of my son which she had paid my cousin to do. I said it was lovely (which it was) but I was secretly a bit hurt that she’s never asked me to create something for her. Anyway she then said “why don’t you ask him to do one for you too??” So I reminded her that I do my own art work 🙄 and her reply is the sting of the tail …

“Yes but you could get a proper one done! They’re only £50 … do you want me to get you one for Christmas?”

I feel really hurt by this! There are people all over Britain with my art in frames on their wall so I know I’m not terrible at what I do!!

AIBU to think she is being really thoughtless?

Extremely thoughtless & rude of her! Definitely pull her up on it & explain how hurtful it was.

If your mum is anything like mine firstly she’ll see what you do as a hobby and don’t really earn money from

Secondly the twisted view that if you pay more for something it’s worth more- so she’ll value a boring painting she’s paid £50 for over something good she got given for free.

Thirdly she’s still in the 50’s and automatically thinks if a man does something, it’s “proper” and a “real job”. If a woman does it it’s a bit of a laugh and they’re not as good, what with it not being a proper job. Like male chef in a restaurant- wonderful. Woman at home cooking equally good food- that’s nice dear but cooking isn’t really a career now is it…

Not just thoughtless - mean. I agree that you need to call her out on it.

If she’s anything like my mother she’ll give it the old “Oh I can’t say anything right, can I?” response But it’s still worth speaking out.

That was a dismissve and unnecessary thing for her to say.

If she’s anything like my mother she’ll give it the old “Oh I can’t say anything right, can I?” response

Oh god, I had years of that. My mother was often absolutely vile to me and that would be her response.
Funny that she seemed to be able to say everything right to others, in fact she’d grovel round other people being overly thoughtful and then I’d have to listen to others telling me how wonderful she was. Sickening.

Weird bunch of replies here. She's your mother, the least she can do is be kind even if she dislikes her work. It's rude to actually say so.

They're not two friends pondering pieces in a gallery. It's her mother, the one person who should be a bit more tactful.

She's being incredibly rude. I also have to frequently remind me mother I have a skilled career as she's completely oblivious. She still asks me what I do all day - I'm almost 40 years old and I go to the office!

But you describe yourself as a hobby artist?

That could mean anything. I get the paints out about once every 6 months. I’m a hobby artist as well. Maybe she doesn’t realise
It’s definitely tactless to say what she said but yabu for caring that she bought art that she likes

Does she realise you also sell your own work commercially?! Yes, her comment was rude and offensive. You wouldn’t tell a world-renowned portrait painter that they could “get a proper one done” rather than do one of their own paintings, so it is a clear judgement of the status of your work in her eyes.

So is a digital portrait more like a photo and perhaps a truer likeness than a portrait might be?

If so is that what she meant?

Her wording was really rude.

However, art is very subjective. I know a full time artist whose art I think is just dreadful. So boring.

But never could I think that about my own dc! Is she otherwise supportive of you?

She clearly just didn't think, I wouldn't be offended. My mum bought me a pocket translator as a graduation gift. I'd just got a First Class Honours Degree in French, German and Italian ....

@Sirzy

Surely as an artist you realise that everyone has different tastes?

Surely as a human you realize that a mother's job isn't to denigrate their daughter at every opportunity?

It's okay if she has a preference but goodness me that was very clumsy of her. Honestly she probably didn't do it to be intentionally mean, some people just don't have tact. I'm sure you're a wonderful artist and you should do a portrait of your son for yourself and hang it in prime position so she sees it every time she enters your house

Gosh, your DM was rude. Without knowing her it’s hard to say but it is the same kind of thing my DM would say when she really has no clue about what I do at work. I just have a little job you see, to fill my time. DH earns the real money. Except that’s not true! Bangs head on desk…

Art being subjective isn't the point though is it?

Op's mum didn't say that she doesn't like Op's work, just that it's not "proper" art.

@GirlWithAGuitar It’s a one-size-fits-all defensive jab of a response isn’t it? Shuts the other person down straight away. Pah.

But he’s a man, so his art is “proper”. You’re just a little woman with a little hobby.

Yup.

OP, your mum has old-fashioned views, and she prefers his style. But plenty of people like yours, as you know because they buy your work.

How rude!! Fair enough if she prefers the other style but her comment is out of order. I'd tell her she hurt you.

You wouldn’t tell a world-renowned portrait painter that they could “get a proper one done” rather than do one of their own paintings

It’s very likely their mother would 😂

Her thinking is the reason why french wine is seen as being the benchmark.... because we've been told it is. Your mum doesn't view your art as being professional as a. Your her daughter. B. You do it part time. C. You may not have "bragged" enough about your success.

@Morethanthis71

She clearly just didn't think, I wouldn't be offended. My mum bought me a pocket translator as a graduation gift. I'd just got a First Class Honours Degree in French, German and Italian ....

I'm sorry, but this made me laugh out loud! What did you say to her when she gave it to you?

Its fine if your work style isn’t to her taste, I think what the real issue is is that she sees what you do as a hobby or insignificant, and the other artwork is “proper”. I think that’s very hurtful.

She can buy what she likes but she was incredibly tactless and stupid to say that to you.

OP, your mum has old-fashioned views, and she prefers his style. But plenty of people like yours, as you know because they buy your work.

No @thinkingaboutLangCleg it's the OP whose art is traditional. DM bought the digital art. DM was being unnecessarily rude, even if it wasn't concious.

@ManchesterRain

I get that but to tell an artist that they could get a “proper” portrait done??

That is the part which would bug me.

Does your cousin describe himself as a hobby artist as well? Or does he describe it has his side business?