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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that my mum is buying art off someone like this?

239 replies

ManchesterRain · 29/10/2021 08:50

I am a hobby artist but I do cheap commissions for people too. Basically I enjoy doing it and sometimes make a few quid doing it too. My cousin also dabbles with art but his work is digital, mine is traditional.

Anyway I went to my mums yesterday and she said she had something to show me … she presented a digital portrait of my son which she had paid my cousin to do. I said it was lovely (which it was) but I was secretly a bit hurt that she’s never asked me to create something for her. Anyway she then said “why don’t you ask him to do one for you too??” So I reminded her that I do my own art work 🙄 and her reply is the sting of the tail …

“Yes but you could get a proper one done! They’re only £50 … do you want me to get you one for Christmas?”

I feel really hurt by this! There are people all over Britain with my art in frames on their wall so I know I’m not terrible at what I do!!

AIBU to think she is being really thoughtless?

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 29/10/2021 09:59

I think you should tell her how tactless and hurtful you found her comment. Point out that some people prefer your style, some his. Then leave it there.

Whatever you do, do not get into a competition with your cousin, in your mother's eyes, about who has sold more etc because it's quite possible he's pushier, or good at marketing, or has found a productive outlet for what he does.

nitsandwormsdodger · 29/10/2021 09:59

He is a man ?? Maybe your mum is sexist
Do you have another job? Maybe she sees it as your hobby not a professional
In your title you make your cousin sound like a sham or scam artist
Maybe he is struggling financially and she wants to help him?
Maybe you have been too modest about your sales and your mum doesn’t realise you are making a living from it ?

Rainbowunicorn76 · 29/10/2021 10:00

@Oftenithinkaboutit

You appreciate art… yes?

So you will appreciate different tastes

I'm so surprised at the number of people trying to make this your fault op. Saying "you can get a proper one done" was tactless and quite rude and you have every right to feel hurt. Has she got form for subtle put downs? If not and this is a one off, I'd tell her how you feel and clear the air.
lottiegarbanzo · 29/10/2021 10:02

Actually don't say hurtful, because that's about you and your feelings. Just say she was incredibly tactless. You are an artist with a business too and don't appreciate the way she put you down. Keep it about her.

DdraigGoch · 29/10/2021 10:02

@LubaLuca

My dad is a hobby artist, but I don't like what he makes, so we don't have any of it on display. I don't think he's offended - why would he be? Plenty of people do like what he makes.
But you wouldn't refer to someone else's work as "a proper one" in front of him, would you?
Notcontent · 29/10/2021 10:04

Maybe she thinks because it would be you doing it, it’s not the same as paying for someone else to do it?

It’s a bit like those threads where people seem to think a shop bought cake or a takeaway is always going to be nicer and more “proper” than the home made version?

diddl · 29/10/2021 10:04

Actually I've just looked at your title again-what does it mean "someone like this"?

lottiegarbanzo · 29/10/2021 10:04

I wonder though, if this is a case of self-deprecation coming back to bit you on the bum.

I am a hobby artist but I do cheap commissions for people too. Basically I enjoy doing it and sometimes make a few quid doing it too. My cousin also dabbles with art but his work is digital, mine is traditional.

Does your cousin use the words 'hobby', 'cheap' and 'dabble'? Or is he a digital artist who runs a successful business?

LindaEllen · 29/10/2021 10:05

When she looks at your artwork, she probably still sees the drawings she stuck on the fridge when you were in nursery. I know that sounds stupid, but she's lived knowing about you and your art for a long time so the novelty has worn off and it's just become the norm. She wanted to buy a piece of art.

Bavarois · 29/10/2021 10:05

WRT the 'proper' comment I agree with PPs who say this is just parents. I'm a HCP and have been for 10 years but for some reason my mum doesn't believe anything I say. Despite multiple times going to the GP and being told the same thing I told her. I think they just see us as 8 year olds forever.

Lordamighty · 29/10/2021 10:05

She is very thoughtless & rude but don’t dwell on it too much.

GiltEdges · 29/10/2021 10:05

@Bavarois

WRT the 'proper' comment I agree with PPs who say this is just parents. I'm a HCP and have been for 10 years but for some reason my mum doesn't believe anything I say. Despite multiple times going to the GP and being told the same thing I told her. I think they just see us as 8 year olds forever.
This. Couldn't get worked up about it TBH 🤷🏻‍♀️
lottiegarbanzo · 29/10/2021 10:07

I think there may be a comma missing in the title. So the meaning is 'to be upset my mum is buying art from someone, in this way'. She is doing it 'like this' rather than him being 'someone like this'.

Blossomtoes · 29/10/2021 10:09

@LindaEllen

When she looks at your artwork, she probably still sees the drawings she stuck on the fridge when you were in nursery. I know that sounds stupid, but she's lived knowing about you and your art for a long time so the novelty has worn off and it's just become the norm. She wanted to buy a piece of art.
This. I know someone whose son is a professional artist, it’s how he earns a pretty comfortable living and she just can’t get her head round it at all. She’s shocked that people willingly pay a four figure sum for his work.
Original poster
ManchesterRain · 29/10/2021 10:13

@lottiegarbanzo

I think there may be a comma missing in the title. So the meaning is 'to be upset my mum is buying art from someone, in this way'. She is doing it 'like this' rather than him being 'someone like this'.
Yes that’s exactly what I meant. I meant that she’s acting “like this”.

Both myself and my cousin have careers away from art, we both do art as a hobby in our spare time. I don’t care about her preferring his work, we all have preferences - it was the way she dismisses my art and calls someone else’s “proper art” that has got me

OP posts:
disappear · 29/10/2021 10:15

After MIL died, FIL asked DH, who has a fine arts degree, if he could paint a portrait of her. In the meantime, FIL met a man in the newsagents whose DD painted portraits, so he asked if she could do one (I.e. a “proper” portrait”)

When DH took his portrait to FIL, he said, “That’s really good. I was expecting it to be crap.” Grin

LadyCampanulaTottington · 29/10/2021 10:18

You are labelling yourself a “hobby artist”.

If you don’t believe in yourself enough to call yourself an artist, people are going to treat you like you are a hobby artist.

She’s only mirroring back to you what you think about yourself. Work on that.

diddl · 29/10/2021 10:19

@lottiegarbanzo

I think there may be a comma missing in the title. So the meaning is 'to be upset my mum is buying art from someone, in this way'. She is doing it 'like this' rather than him being 'someone like this'.
Of course!Blush
lottiegarbanzo · 29/10/2021 10:20

I read the title the same way - was expecting it to be about a dodgy geezer!

Xiaoxiong · 29/10/2021 10:21

I completely understand OP. She is dismissing your work and saying your cousin's work is "proper" art. Implying yours is not.

I agree with everyone else that some parents can't get their heads around the fact that their kids are adults and have skills or expertise. Sometimes when I tell my mum something about my field of expertise she genuinely won't believe me, and then she'll send me something from the news saying the exact same thing. I was like...I'm often the person being interviewed in the news saying exactly that same thing, but you won't listen to me?!

diddl · 29/10/2021 10:24

@lottiegarbanzo

I read the title the same way - was expecting it to be about a dodgy geezer!
Yes! I'd got so involved in the replies that when I looked at the title again I thought what??

I mean if Op's mum preferred a digital portrait to a painted one that's all she had to say!

If I had a daughter who could paint I can't imagine not having a painting by them.

That said, I'm not fussed about portraits so if that was all my daughter did...

MrKlaw · 29/10/2021 10:25

To be upset that my mum is buying art off someone like this?

Who is 'someone like this' ? Just sounds like your cousin so still family. You seem to diminish their work vs yours? Maybe your DM prefers their work.

YABU for the question you posed.

'to be upset that my mum is dismissing my work as not proper?' YANBU and I'd totally be upset by that. That sounds like your real question.

QuestionNumberOne · 29/10/2021 10:26

@LadyCampanulaTottington

You are labelling yourself a “hobby artist”.

If you don’t believe in yourself enough to call yourself an artist, people are going to treat you like you are a hobby artist.

She’s only mirroring back to you what you think about yourself. Work on that.

Maybe it would be useful for the OP to work on that.

But it’s more important that her DM works on not being undermining and tactless, IMO.

ElftonWednesday · 29/10/2021 10:27

YANBU. Even if I prefer someone else's art I'd still have something one of my DDs produced (even if I secretly didn't care for it) because it was done by them.

LynetteScavo · 29/10/2021 10:30

Well, it is hurtful. My DM does things like this all the time. She's doesn't mean to be hurtful though.

Have you given her any of your art? I think a nice big painting of your DC is the way to go if she's like my DM she'll hand it back when having a clear out

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