Why are you obese?

[Beautybunny]

I have been following a fab thread regarding others not being obese. Lots of posters that are obese have commented that the strategies other have don't work for them. I have tried many diets, acupuncture, fasting, diet pills etc. In my adult life I have been a size 8 and a size 22. Food and wine are my comfort in unhappy times. I have a nutrition qualification and am a very competent cook. I was also a vegetarian for years. I like my veg. Never had a weight problem until I had my children. Their births were followed by a harrowing law suit and then a bereavement. I have lost weight on and off in the last twenty years but generally I have been fat and getting fatter as I now take steriods for RA. I also have an under active thyroid. I find slimming groups difficult as the logic can be a bit bonkers (mashed banana is a syn etc). I also work away so the personal trainer approach is not convenient. Has anyone used a good therapist /weight loss guru? I know my weight is my amour against attack, it started in my childhood. If I have a shitty employer I put on weight, conversely I had a great one in 2016/17 and lost two stone naturally. I would love any suggestions.

@EmotionalSupportBear well done on your weight loss!

Genes? Habits I think, although boozing has been proven to be part of a DNA pattern.
My brothers are slim, my sister and I fat. My parents loved food. Dad obese in old age, mum always until she developed cancer. A little extra money? Feast time. Horrible situation? come round to eat. Both War babies. I cook for my friends and family. My children luckily are slim. Son athelite, daughter dieted off excess weight and has an app! I think am lonely too as many people have said.

This is a really nice podcast about food addition / emotional eating. In depth and considerate.

thisjungianlife.com/episode-31-food-addiction/

I comfort eat when stressed.

Used to go gym 6 days a week pre covid. Haven't got back into he swing of it again.

*the

Yes, I have a good genetic tolerance to alcohol unfortunately!

I'm not now: I'm slowly losing the weight and am now 2lb under the obese range. Woo-hoo!
I was obese because I was eating massive portions, loads of chocolate and am a boredom eater.
I am losing it because I took some medication that took away my appetite and then felt like I didn't need to eat as much to feel full. I'm also doing other things when I'm bored.

I think a number of factors. Eat for the wrong reasons. Eat when I’m not hungry. Have a love hate relationship with food. For me I think a lot of it stems back from childhood attitudes from my mum but I totally take responsibility now for my own actions

@Newpuppymummy

A good point about taking responsibility. My mother was at times lovely and other times not, controlling and actually pretty nasty. However my dad was lovely. I miss them every day and need to find some other old people to love.

my obesity is partialy due to weight gain through 7 pregnancies & following 1 MC.
But the chief culprit is ADHD, in so many aspects.
unpredictable periods of lack of concentration, lack of impulse control, binging due to hyperfocus, never-ending exhaustion, executive dysfunction etc joined with mild insomnia and the fact that
neither excercise nor dieting would increase my energy levels mean that I find it incredibly difficult if not impossible to "just do it".
Mood swings, illnesses, the hormonal changes during menstrual cycle, feeling guilty and down about weight and so on also make things worse.

But I think I've finally managed to figure out what works for me: calorie counting and dancing.

I started calorie counting on the 1st September and lost 5 kgs in 4 weeks. it was very easy, no food restrictions, most days I wouldn't even eat all my calories up

Then I got ill with this "supercold" so stopped using the app and just ate what I felt my body needed to survive.
Some days I definitely overate, on others I barely ate just drank lots of tea because I was so ill.
My weight went up & down a bit (I must add I always weigh more when I ovulate and less when I have period anyway so I don't ever care about a +/- 1kg or so) but I've actually still been losing a bit, overall I've lost 6 kgs now.

And the dancing bit: it's nothing formal. When I feel like it I put on some music and dance around in the kitchen while tidying, loading dishwashers, prepping food.
it's the only form of excercise that gives me energy AND reduces my appetite or cravings so I try to do some everyday.
I don't set myself any targets though. The other I was jumping about for 10 mins, a few days before I was "partying" for almost 2 hours🤣

I'm never going on a diet ever again. Calorie counting works for me and its free.
Hope this is helpful.

There are so many lonely old people apparently, no idea where you would find them

Red Cross ?

I wrote such a long post but I don’t think there is an easy answer. Addiction, triggers, self-harm, emotional stability, society seeing food as a reward - I agree with all of that. It isn’t just mechanical as saying eat less. It’s hard to find a balance. It needs to be routine, starting is the hardest part. Getting to underlying issues would be ideal but is expensive, time consuming and involves putting yourself in a vulnerable horrible place before it gets better so people feel it’s unachievable. It’s good that these things are talked about more though and people are supportive of listening to each others experiences.

Love dancing. I think even I stone off and I would feel better.

I definitely think mine is a form of self harm I don't even eat the sweet treats or family packs but boy I like a big dinner. I also accept the wine increases my appetite.

@Beautybunny

I definitely think mine is a form of self harm I don't even eat the sweet treats or family packs but boy I like a big dinner. I also accept the wine increases my appetite.

if you think it's a form of self-harm then you are probably often use a cognitive bias called "Sunk Cost Fallacy".

one example of it is escalation of binge eating "I've already ruined my diet by eating a biscuit, so I MIGHT AS WELL go aĺl out and eat a pizza, a tub of ice cream, a bag of chips, some cake, crisps, popcorn and 2 bottles of wine".

the correct action would be to realise that after eating 1 biscuit (your sunken cost, waste, bad decision) you should cut and run.
You should realise your loss, draw a line under it and not make it worse by "throwing good money after bad", by adding more fuel to the fire, by carrying on with behaviour that's already been proven negative.

Do read about this fallacy. it's something that most of us are aware of but it takes conscious effort to fight against.

I love food that is unhealthy and wine. I eat when I'm bored rather than when I'm hungry. I rarely exercise.
I've done this for so long I found it impossible to change, long term at least. I'm a size 16, and have been since my teens 20 odd years ago.

Pies.
All kinds of pies, not just pie pies.

And sensory issues.

For me I find it such a complex issue that I hardly know where to begin. I can't really remember a time when I haven't struggled with my weight. It has certainly overshadowed most of my adult life.

I have Graves Disease, which causes thyroid issues and which I am now sure had waxed and waned for many years before diagnosis. It caused a rampant and uncontrollable appetite before being brought under control by medication and radioactive iodine treatment to zap my extremely overactive thyroid. The appetite took a very long time to settle even once that was apparently under control.

I'm now stuck at much too high a weight and have type 2 diabetes to boot.

I just can't shift it even though I no longer have a big appetite and do generally eat reasonably healthily.

I could exercise more, I know that, but walking with my dogs was my go to exercise and both dogs have now sadly had to be put to sleep due to failing health in old age. The last of them only died a fortnight ago. So walking now feels lonely and as though something is missing when I go.

My Dad died earlier this year too so I feel like a lot is missing right now. I'm flip flopping a bit between hardly wanting to eat at all and going for some of the wrong things as comfort food (chocolate etc.). So my blood sugars have not been good and I know a lot of it is down to me and how I have dealt poorly with stuff going on in my life.

I'm just starting to get a bit of control back. I know I have to sustain it, but it is so hard. The trouble is, now that I am as overweight as I am, my body seems intent on maintaining itself at that and needs very little food with which to do so.

Sorry for the ramble. It is just nice to have a thread that is for once much less full of judgy people, and with far fewer of the "just eat less and move more" brigade.

When I got fat it was down to medication. Lost loads after a few months off it and now I'm fairly skinny again.

I wasn't even eating that much and still it piled on. Consequently, I never judge people who are overweight. Life throws some proper shit at people with illnesses, trauma and medications. We are all more than our size ❤

Because i can't seem to sustain the extra thought required to make good healthy choices.

Topseyt that's interesting, I don't know anyone with Grave's disease except my dd I mentioned in an earlier post.

She has an almost insatiable hunger combined with other meds that increase appetite!

It's hard for me to understand just how hungry she must feel.

It's good to hear you got yours under control though. Sorry, for derail.

@Topseyt

I am sorry you are having such a hard time. My dad died four years ago and I have gained a stone for each year. He was lovely. He lived with us and I miss him every day. He use to say to me 'bissie we need to go on a diet' he ment you're getting plump again but woukd never be so rude. He died and I put on two stone in 9 weeks, mainly booze and cakes and I don't even like cake. He was my champion and I don't have that sort of friend anymore.

@Thornrose

Topseyt that's interesting, I don't know anyone with Grave's disease except my dd I mentioned in an earlier post.

She has an almost insatiable hunger combined with other meds that increase appetite!

It's hard for me to understand just how hungry she must feel.

It's good to hear you got yours under control though. Sorry, for derail.

It is because Graves Disease causes an overactive thyroid, which accelerates the metabolism and often causes food to pass through far too fast, so there is often severe diarrhoea and insufficient nutrients absorbed. Hence the huge hunger as the body is literally being starved. While this is happening dramatic weight loss often occurs.

My thyroid was zapped with radioactive iodine, rendering it virtually inactive (I have to take replacement thyroxine every day). But then the weight went back on mega fast and the massive hunger took a very long time to die down. It was nearly impossible to control.

I binge as a coping mechanism. When I feel ok I can keep it under control and I’m not obese (usually a bit overweight but without looking really fat). When it’s not, I binge and I gain weight. It’s all gone to shit since Feb 2020 and I’m the biggest I’ve ever been. I’m not sure how to get back.

[quote Beautybunny]@Topseyt

I am sorry you are having such a hard time. My dad died four years ago and I have gained a stone for each year. He was lovely. He lived with us and I miss him every day. He use to say to me 'bissie we need to go on a diet' he ment you're getting plump again but woukd never be so rude. He died and I put on two stone in 9 weeks, mainly booze and cakes and I don't even like cake. He was my champion and I don't have that sort of friend anymore.[/quote]
Thanks. It is very hard. I'm aware now though that I must get some control back again. It will be too destructive to my health otherwise.