Page 3 | Why are you obese?

Exteacher19 · 29/10/2021 09:43

I lean on chocolate and sugary food for emotional support.

frumpety · 29/10/2021 09:53

Mine was a gradual thing, I put on 9 stone over about 18 years.

Stopping having a reason to exercise was one of the reasons , my activity level dropped off a cliff about 6 years ago and I went from being quite fit and fat to obese and not fit at all.

Eating and drinking too much of the wrong things, every day. It again gradually got worse over the years, but I would say I was having at least 3,000 calories a day minimum, at least double what I actually needed, for years.

Kendodd · 29/10/2021 10:00

I'm overweight because I eat to much. That's it.

To maintain a healthy weight I have to spend a significant portion of each day hungry. Theres no other way around it and I'm sure loads of posters will come on with well meaning tips to prevent hunger but trust me, I've tried them, they don't work.
So, that's the life choice.
Hungry and slim or full and fat.
I'm trying my best to choose hungry.

shouldistop · 29/10/2021 10:06

@Kendodd yep, I agree with the hunger. I've lost 19lbs in the past couple of months, have brought my bmi down from 29 to 26. I spend a lot of the day hungry. Now I've accepted that it's much easier. I've realised that being hungry isn't going to hurt me.

PositiveLife · 29/10/2021 10:10

I "stress eat". I generally live with a certain amount of stress - single parent, full time career, etc. Any extra stress and I just seem to hit this wall where I end up getting takeaway rather than cook, eating biscuits for lunch. It's like I don't have the energy to cook anything and then I end up in a cycle of eating crap and being tired cos I'm eating crap.

I do more exercise in the last 5 years than I've ever done in my life but I really struggle to shift the weight - I've changed jobs to try and reduce the stress

Rotundpig · 29/10/2021 10:12

I spent most of my life "normal" sized then I started a new stressful career which spiralled into severe depression and it was like a switch went off. I binge eat and have no control over food and I feel like an addict at times. I never understood how people couldn't lose weight or stop eating when I was younger, it seemed easy to me. Then I put on 10 stone in about 5 years and have tried so many different methods to lose it. I think I also use food as a form of self harm when I feel stressed, anxious or depressed which is quite often. I've just started counselling but I find the only thing that has given me results is intermittent fasting but I give up.after a few weeks. I wish I had stopped myself gaining more and more weight as in my head I'm still a size 10 and can't understand why I have no clothes that fit or i have no energy, fucked knees. It is so hard to function properly as an obese person, I find every day hard and think about my life pre-obesity constantly. I wish there was a magic answer but fear this is my new normal now

Original poster

Beautybunny · 29/10/2021 10:18

@Mercedes519

Thank you for this answer. It resonates. I think the killing myself with food it is my objective. I have two family members who are unwell and it has fallen to me to care again after the care of both of my late parents. I just want some peace and have little interest in the future. I have had abusive friends and now have an abusive boss. Your post is most helpful.

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Rebuildingconfidence · 29/10/2021 10:18

I'm obese because I eat too much and very unhealthily. It's also genetic, my dad's side of the family, who I take after, gain weight easily.

I use food to deal with stress, anxiety, and low mood. I eat a lot of cheese, crisps, crackers, etc, so a lot of snacking on crap.

In the last few months I have started focusing on getting more sleep as tiredness is a huge trigger for me to overeat. I am sleeping better now but the weight isn't going down.

I am in denial about how bad my diet is but I don't know how to change it.

Hippywannabe · 29/10/2021 10:23

@Beautybunny don't cry!
It can be done, it isn't easy and a lifetime of thinking about it sits on our shoulders all the time. I feel that burden more than the physical weight sometimes.
Doing the plan I am on now has made me feel free of that (most of the time).
Being obese is more mental than physical in my opinion x

Driposaurus · 29/10/2021 10:24

I stress eat.
I love cooking and baking.
I am a feeder.
I was always overweight, even as a young child. My (overweight/obese) parents’ solution was to keep scales in the kitchen and weigh us every week, make us do a rosemary Conley exercise tape weekly but (and this blows my mind) we were still encouraged to eat our whole plates and serve huge portions of ice cream every day as dessert. All the women in my mums family are big.

Now I eat healthy meals but turn to chocolate when I need to feel better about myself m, can’t leave an empty plate. I hate myself even as I’m doing it as I know I’m doing terrible things to myself.

LindaEllen · 29/10/2021 10:31

Because I have a sedentary desk job with ridiculous hours, a sedentary hobby two evenings a week (so I don't exercise enough) and I'm a greedy bastard on top of it.

Sometimes when DP is out I feel out of control because I just cannot stop myself eating. It's horrible.

Original poster

Beautybunny · 29/10/2021 10:32

@Rotundpig
I am sorry you are having such a hard time. I am 8 stone overweight. I buy fabulous clothes but I still look like an apple with legs!
My job is stressful but I changed careers to the charity sector and they were no better. I thought they would be nice, outsiders not welcome! I now work for a beauty company again and we do have some big girls but I hate being big. I want to swim and not feel people are staring. I want to buy clothes in stores and not order off line. I have a weird obsession with clothes as my mother made me wear my sisters hand me downs. I have thought about weight loss surgery but have just heard of an unsuccessful case. The lady is still unhappy and can't eat more than 4 mouthfuls. Also skin tucks are now needed.

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Franticbutterfly · 29/10/2021 10:39

That's an interesting question. I am
Naturally a very stocky person (particularly on the top half) and despite being very active and fit (I exercise several times per week) if I eat what I think is a normal amount I gain weight. My mum also carries extra weight and is not a huge eater at all (although doesn't move much). I, on the other hand love to cook and bake (although I've not been baking much as I'm trying to lose weight atm). I also love snacks which has got me to the weight I am now. Well that an a lot of emotional ups and downs over the years.

The solution for me is to exercise quite hard most days, keep active and moving a lot during the day, and aim to eat about 1700kcal a day with lots of veg. It's coming off slowly but is manageable. I may have to pick up the kettlebells again to boost my weight loss as it has slowed a bit.

I always joke that if there was a famine I'd be the last one standing, I feel like my body doesn't need food in the same way as other people's does, I can water fast for 3 days quite easily. I have also developed a bit of an unhealthy way of looking at food. It makes me feel guilt when I eat. So that probably hasn't helped.

Original poster

Beautybunny · 29/10/2021 10:39

@LindaEllen

Greedy bastard is funny!
I am a scoffer. I can scoff celery!!

I do love food. Curry and nectarines are my favourite. Can be low cal. Its the other bits that effect me. Food props. More hugs and I probably wouldn't eat so much. A bit of praise too.

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tiredanddangerous · 29/10/2021 10:44

It's such a complex issue and I've never managed to unravel it.

I was an unhappy child with parents who weren't around much (worked long hours) and very low self esteem. I would get home from school and raid the snack cupboard then make myself a microwave meal for dinner, followed by a big bowl of ice cream for pudding. Comfort eating I guess. I would eat and eat whilst sobbing.

I was twice the size of the other children when I started school at 5 though so presumably was only eating what my parents fed me at that point. No 4/5 year old can be blamed for being obese, can they?

I'm also autistic and I think that makes things more complicated. I can't bear the feeling of hunger. It feels physically painful and makes me feel sick. I also get a pounding headache.

My mum had a fucked up relationship with food and was always on some diet or another. She took me along to weight watchers in my teens and at other times let me do stupid meal replacement diets with her. That also can't have helped, although I'm sure she thought she was helping.

I'm in my forties now and a good six stone overweight. Food is my comfort and my punishment. I don't think I deserve to look better and have nice things. I have tried and tried over the years not I don't think I will ever be able to fix myself.

Fernhilde · 29/10/2021 10:56

Decades of Binge Eating Disorder and no treatment available in my region.

Gymohithoughtyousaidgin · 29/10/2021 11:36

@Beautybunny

I have been following a fab thread regarding others not being obese. Lots of posters that are obese have commented that the strategies other have don't work for them. I have tried many diets, acupuncture, fasting, diet pills etc. In my adult life I have been a size 8 and a size 22. Food and wine are my comfort in unhappy times. I have a nutrition qualification and am a very competent cook. I was also a vegetarian for years. I like my veg. Never had a weight problem until I had my children. Their births were followed by a harrowing law suit and then a bereavement. I have lost weight on and off in the last twenty years but generally I have been fat and getting fatter as I now take steriods for RA. I also have an under active thyroid. I find slimming groups difficult as the logic can be a bit bonkers (mashed banana is a syn etc). I also work away so the personal trainer approach is not convenient. Has anyone used a good therapist /weight loss guru? I know my weight is my amour against attack, it started in my childhood. If I have a shitty employer I put on weight, conversely I had a great one in 2016/17 and lost two stone naturally. I would love any suggestions.

You need to change your psychological approach/relationship to food. If your using it as a comfort or to fill a gap or boredom/habit etc it's a habit you need to learn to change. I agree that all these diet groups are not sustainable long term and don't work for every one. Weight loss is just simy calories in vs calories out. Exercise is important too but diet more so. You say you know what foods to eat which is a great start. I use my fitness pal to track my meals as it allows me to work out my macros and stay within my limits. I also go to the gym 3 times a week but if your away alot you could try and do YouTube workout videos at your home/hôtel etc instead. Losing weight isn't easy and it takes alot of time and dedication. I'm not obese naturally however I had my second child 5 months ago and had put on a considerable amount of weight so have been working hard to lose it. It's a long journey but you can do it op. I plan all my meals, bulk cook and eat well Monday to Friday. I so relax at weekends and do my best not to over do it with cheat meals but it does happen on occasion. There are also some days when I am so drained that il grab a jar of Nutella and a spoon.... 🥄😂. There are lots of people on here to offer support when you need it and I hope it goes well for you! :) x

Nachostress · 29/10/2021 11:38

I'm not obese now but I have been (fluctuating weight like a lot of people I guess) Mine was comfort eating, in a way that meant my weight gradually crept up over the years. The difference is always when I've got the time/money to do hobbies that make me happy. Without that, I sit on the sofa of an evening and think about what I can eat to make my day better.
I don't have the higher appetite issue that a lot of people have so I'm lucky in that regard I think.

wouldyoudothistoo · 29/10/2021 11:41

Trauma in childhood (developmental trauma of childhood/CPTSD) being diagnosis, I learnt eating made me feel safe and happy - at 30 I regret it as I’m now 22 stone .

I’ve also got PCOS, dyspraxia, and I’m very, very unhappy and lonely - so it’s all a vicious cycle .

Original poster

Beautybunny · 29/10/2021 11:50

@tiredanddangerous

My mother took me to slimming clubs too. I was a 14 and 5'10". I had been a very skinny kid but my older brother use to contaminate my food so I didn't eat much. Size 12 when I met my husband. I realised I had married too quickly so I stopped eating. I went down to a 8. Very skinny. I then met someone else but I went back to my husband as my mother shamed me into it. My weight shot up. My husband is big too. I didn't really know him and tbh I probably married to get away from home. Decades later I grew to love him but we have had so much trauma I just eat to feel better. My GP doesn't help. Thinks, educated, good job, why can't you stop overeating? Tbh I don't know why. I use to be a shagger before I met the husband, perhaps that is the answer, except I am so body embrassed!

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CounsellorTroi · 29/10/2021 11:51

I am overweight, BMI 27.9. I was a healthy weight until my thyroid started to malfunction. I lost 2st doing Weightwatchers 7 years ago but have put it all back. I eat a healthy diet, am a member of a gym, do spin classes, rowing, weights machines and swim regularly. I do like my wine, but watch my intake.

Classicblunder · 29/10/2021 11:52

I like food (not processed food particularly, my weaknesses are things like cheese) and alcohol and I don't enjoy exercise. I keep my BMI to 28-31 through conscious effort.

knackeredcat · 29/10/2021 11:54

Perimenopause, crap genes, crap metabolism (borderline hypothyroid), meds, fatigue from neurodiverse related masking and trying to pass as "normal", CPTSD (so probably impaired adrenals), can't be arsed-ness, secretly glad of increasing invisibility.

I'm not a huge eater but I do like wine and chocolate - I've cut down on both. I've completely ditched bread, etc. and cut down on as many carbs as I can. Yay, konjac noodles...

I have managed to lose nearly 2 stone over the past few months through meal replacements (2 x vegan protein shakes a day) but it will probably go back on as has happened all my life. I've lost up to 5 stone before through being prescribed Xenical, almost starving myself and very punishing exercise regimes that I don't have time or energy for now. Plus even if I did I'm not sure they'd be as effective at this age.

EmotionalSupportBear · 29/10/2021 11:57

genes (both parents are overweight)
hormones (pcos)
health (i'm disabled and asthmatic, swimming is only safe exercise and i don't currently feel safe going swimming)
diet/lifestyle (links into health issues.. kids have speciality diets, so i rarely have the spoons to cook a 3rd meal for myself, so pick/eat convenience food)
insomnia (well known factor in weight gain, i get less than 5hrs sleep on average)

i am losing weight though, doing intermittent fasting and down 10kg so far :)

bordersroaming · 29/10/2021 12:07

You do realise that saying "genes , both parents are overweight " is concerning

People say genes as an excuse to themselves
And yes genes will have a role
But unless you also want to say that genetically poor people are very different to rich people you have to accept that genes is only a small part of the picture

From observation, it's not genes but the bad habits of your parents that is inherited

That can be portion size, daily menus , how much oil you typically put in a pan, use of food for comfort , treats and rewards