Why are you obese?

[Beautybunny]

I have been following a fab thread regarding others not being obese. Lots of posters that are obese have commented that the strategies other have don't work for them. I have tried many diets, acupuncture, fasting, diet pills etc. In my adult life I have been a size 8 and a size 22. Food and wine are my comfort in unhappy times. I have a nutrition qualification and am a very competent cook. I was also a vegetarian for years. I like my veg. Never had a weight problem until I had my children. Their births were followed by a harrowing law suit and then a bereavement. I have lost weight on and off in the last twenty years but generally I have been fat and getting fatter as I now take steriods for RA. I also have an under active thyroid. I find slimming groups difficult as the logic can be a bit bonkers (mashed banana is a syn etc). I also work away so the personal trainer approach is not convenient. Has anyone used a good therapist /weight loss guru? I know my weight is my amour against attack, it started in my childhood. If I have a shitty employer I put on weight, conversely I had a great one in 2016/17 and lost two stone naturally. I would love any suggestions.

Habits mostly. Some of it from childhood.

Similar to @SpiceRat, would have lovely home cooked meals, but especially at uni, having learnt to cook for 4, I never really stopped even for one.

Then came all the additions - chorizo, butter, cheese, pancetta, garlic bread on the side. Obviously okay as a nice treat but they add up.

Following that came the takeaways, and the boredom. Almost hypocritical, in that of course I'd prefer a chicken tray bake with all fresh veg, but can I be arsed? No, so we have takeaway, oven pizzas, breaded chicken (which I've added too - chicken wraps or burgers anyone?)

That's just the main meals, laziness and gluttony.

When I'm dieting, I can do fairly well. I wish I was taught to meal plan properly. That would have been a better use of food tech at school that cheese and onion pasties and spag bol (that I'd been cooking for 2 years before we learned it).

But my main downfall is emotional eating. I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad and everything in between. When I have children I'm going to try extra hard not to use food, particularly chocolate etc., as a reward.

Diets tend to work if I can stick to them, but I still haven't worked out what triggers me to discard them. I lost 3 stone on SW once, put it all on, attempted 2/3 other things, lost and gained the same stone, put another 1-1.5 for good measure. Am currently back at slimming world. I have actively prop up my dedication everyday.

There was an 18th-century philosopher Edmund Burke, who said, “Under the pressure of the cares and sorrows of our mortal condition men have at all times called in some physical aid to their moral consolations.”

In the 18th century there was the gin craze which caused huge problems

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gin_Craze

The victorians took lots of drugs

wellcomecollection.org/articles/W87wthIAACQizfap

When I was a kid in the 70s there were less overweight people but far more smoking. Not great for the NHS.

Now we use food as a crutch instead

@Hippywannabe
You made me cry. That is me.

I had no issues with my weight growing up and was always the skinny one of the family. When my father died when I was in uni I turned to food for comfort and became an emotional eater. I lost all the weight about 6 years ago but gained it all and more back during the pandemic.

I'd really love to find a way to not spend the rest of my life dieting.

I stopped over eating and eating rubbish like chocolate, sweets, biscuits and puddings. Went from 13 stone to 6 stone. No excerise involved.
It's do-able you can do it op.

Because my life is leagues from where I thought it would be - so I just don’t care if I eat myself into an early grave.

As a teenager and younger woman I was usually 1 - 2 stone overweight, and once 3 stone overweight. I simply had a big appetite and cleared my plate. I'm 5'2" and apple-shaped and every pound showed.

A few years ago I lost over 2 stone and have kept it off, mainly by low-carbing and using MyFitnessPal to log intake - amazing to see how much you actually eat!

Pre-Covid six of us middle aged/older women went on a tour of Russia - I realised at breakfast in hotels why I'm prone to weight-gain: the others would have one toast, I would have two, they had one egg, I had two, and so on.

Every day is a 'diet' day - I have to be mindful of what I'm eating or that weight will just gradually creep back up.

I always, always self sabotage when I've lost weight. I cannot find a happy medium. It's like a switch goes in my head and I go back to all my bad habits. I think I'm still rebelling against being put on a diet aged 12 by my well meaning mother. I'm 47 now and to be honest I've given up. I've tried everything and always fail and I'm done with the self loathing. I'm active and I have a good life with loving friends, family etc and a job I enjoy, I have accepted I will always be obese.

For me it's a combination of stuff, my current job is quite active in a lot of ways, active enough to make me tired, but mentally draining too, and it's at night, permanently.
If I have a week off then I usually lose a few pounds, but I really have fallen into the caffeine/carbs/sugar trap to try and keep myself not just awake, but alert during the night. I don't think people realise how much it screws your body up working permanent nights, it affects all sorts of things including appetite. I'm also usually in a permanent sleep debt, I 'lose' 2 hours of sleep a day (night) each shift, so over 5 nights I've lost more than a full night's sleep, I feel sluggish and tired most of the time and at some point I need to catch up, plus sleep during the day is inevitably broken, and not of as much quality. I'm often too tired to exercise, too tired to cook proper meals and really hungry, so I eat whatever is easy because it adds another half an hour to my sleep.
I am looking for a job working during the day at the moment, permanent nights for 5 years has taken it's toll. And I'm trying to replace sugary stuff with fruit, but the carbs are something I can't seem to kick, I need something fast and satisfying when I'm at work, especially when I first wake up.
I've also always had a tendency towards being bigger, my mum used food as punishment and reward, so added to the above, I feel like I 'deserve' something nice when I've been working a lot and it's been stressful, there also wasn't really much emphasis on exercise in the family, mum was naturally quite slim, she struggled to put weight on and so it was never really an issue for her, although I was not fat as a child or teen, I towered over her by 11 and was in a larger size clothes, but because I was built differently, my mum's side are all quite small and petite, size 4 shoe etc, I'm over a foot taller and have size 7 feet, always been made to feel 'wrong' for that.

I think the reasons are very complex for me. Linked strongly to self esteem issues from childhood and low resilience to criticism. My mum was and is critical of my weight and always has been. Developing early and always being busty drew unwelcome attention and I'm sure it's all linked somewhere. Plus I genuinely enjoy eating but that spills over into carb binging which is really bad.
Having gone through every diet, I'm back at SW. The leader and group are great so I am focusing on that and sticking to healthy eating long term rather than focusing on the numbers. I ask the leader not to come to me in group or if she does, not to comment on loss or gain. I reward myself for effort rather than attainment iyswim.

I have lipedema which is a genetic tendency to diet resistant heavy legs and bottom. I like cake, but don't eat cakes and biscuits excessively; but neither do I never touch such things. My portion sizes are in my view reasonable (about half to 2/3 what DH has, more veg, fewer carbs) Since my mid 40s my weight has crept up from being stable at 12 stone to 14 stone. All the women on my father's side have this heavy lower half. It seems to recede in our 70s and we end our lives much slimmer.

@TrickOrTreat21x this is not the thread for you…as many PPs have said this is not about food.

It’s about the fact that people, particularly women will use food as an emotional tool. I call our women as i remember reading about food addiction and disordered eating is really common in women.

It suggested that it’s part of female socialisation - that over eating is seen as an ‘acceptable’ form of self harm compared to alcoholism or drug taking. It’s also more accessible and can be done in the comfort of your own home without impacting too much on the female caring role. So killing yourself slowly but without inconveniencing anyone else.

The consequences is that being obese is seen as a lack of willpower/weakness that can be fixed by just not eating or changing your diet. Unlike other addictions which are (rightly) mental health issues. Interesting that, despite the better focus on mental health, food addiction still isn’t taken seriously.

Because I lost two pregnancies, hate my body, lost my will to exercise due to depression and compensated for feeling shit with eating.

I have a horrible horrible life with nothing to look forward to. Food cheers me up a bit.

I love myself with sugar and nice takeaways rather then family as they are abusive so sugar is kind to me - getting over it now and although I’m constantly hungry I’m a stone and a half down from august

I'm on the borderline between overweight and obese - usually manage to stay below but sometimes nudge over the line.

I find it hard to put my finger on why. I was skinny as a child / teen but have struggled with my weight since my early 20s when I stopped doing so much sport and didn't reduce my calories to match. I have lost weight on many many diets in the past and put it back on.

I am a happy person and have good self esteem without any unresolved trauma or anything like that.

My parents are a healthy weight but my sibling is morbidly obese, so perhaps my parents did something to give us an unhealthy attitude towards food. I do believe I need to take responsibility for myself and not blame anyone else though.

The only thing I can say is I just love food!

I am not obese but I easily could be. I really, really feel for people that are. It’s the hardest thing in the world to change. Once it’s on, especially in childhood, good luck trying to get it off. Any other addiction you can quit cold turkey. Not food.

I think mine is hormones....was on the pill for years, got pregnant then couldn't go back on it cos of blood pressure. The weight melted off me.
Went back on it after a while and the weight went back on.
Came off it to try for a 2nd baby but went I to early menopause and had to go on hot which meant more hormones and l put on weight again.
Now l think it is just my age.

I'm a comfort eater. I eat if I'm happy, sad, tired, energetic, you name it..... I eat. I was always fed huge portions as a child, and not allowed to leave the table until I had a clean plate (something I massively avoided with my own DC). I remember my nan making a massive fuss when I was about 9 that I was too skinny (I wasn't) and over feeding me.

My parents and grandparents were all over weight - it's normal for our family I guess. I'm now 51, and seriously struggling with T2 diabetes (also runs in the family) and hate eating in front of people. I've lost 1.5 stone recently but am already struggling. I eat healthily but just way too much of it.

I wish someone had the magic answer

I've had severe anxiety since my teens. I eat because it comforts me, something to look forward to, I enjoy it. Losing weight is very hard.

For me it all goes back to childhood. I was never stick thin, always had “puppy fat” and then I went through puberty at 10/11 so was physically more developed than my peers and I felt so out of place and awkward.
I look back at photos of me when I was 13-14 and I’m wearing baggy sweatshirts, loose fitting trousers and I remember wanting to cover up constantly because I looked big and different. I wasn’t overweight at all but I felt it so I started dieting.
Restriction led to overeating which led to weight gain.
I definitely use food as an emotional comfort- I don’t drink or smoke but I do eat!
I don’t sleep well, I have a lot of stress in my life, I am lonely, I have low self esteem- the list could go on
What I’ve learnt though is that if I want to lose weight, which I desperately do, the first step is acceptance. I need to accept that this is my body now- I don’t have to love it but I certainly shouldn’t hate it.
There’s also a whole lot of work to be done on identifying what contributes to your obesity because it isn’t just down to eating too much. Once you’ve identified what elements of life are leading to poor nutrition and exercise choices then you can address them and hopefully fix them so that you can then live in a world where you make optimal nutrition and exercise choices. Weight loss is a side effect of getting all your ducks in a row so to speak.

@TrickOrTreat21x

I stopped over eating and eating rubbish like chocolate, sweets, biscuits and puddings. Went from 13 stone to 6 stone. No excerise involved. It's do-able you can do it op.

Read the room

The only thing I've found that helps me lose weight is intermittent fasting 16:8.

I like food and i don't like exercise and I am a fussy eater who doesn't like veg much. sadly it's that simple. i don't lose weight easily either. i've yoyo dieted all my life and now my metabolism is f**ed. I've been I've had BMIs of 21 and 41 in my adult life.

My daughter (22) has gained a huge amount of weight. The reasons are complex.

She has Graves disease. She takes anti psychotics which make her incredibly hungry.

She finds it really difficult to exercise as she has dyspraxia among other things.

She has autism and she eats for comfort as she doesn't have any real passions in life.

It's hard to believe the first 12 years of her life I worried about her not eating enough!

She had no interest in food at all.

I worry for her health and I hate the judgement from others.

It's always complex in my opinion, rarely if ever straightforward.